So. this is my first personal entry on Feministing.
First off I would like to say that this site has kept me sane. Although I am from South Africa (and am writing this at 1 am south african time) I feel incredibly connected to everyone who has contributed to this site. You make me feel normal in some seriously crazy making situations.
To the story. My boyfriend is a DJ, and tonight he threw a disco party here in Johannesburg where we both live. The crowd was a bit unusual: normally his parties cater to a more indie/ electro vibe, but somehow tonight we managed to attract an entirely jock crowd. Not a problem; I am actually slightly fond of/ amused by South African jocks because a) they are incredibly stupid but also kind of well meaning, and b) they are always open minded when it comes to music (as long as there is alcohol).
So. I was standing by the bar, waiting for service from the overworked bartender. There was a standard striped shirt wearing over-tanned muscle jock standing next to me, waving money in the bartenders face to try to get his attention. I shot him a bit of a look, because I hate it when people become obnoxious towards bar staff.
I should mention at this point that I wear glasses. I cant tell you how many times men have hit on me using the tired 'you look like a sexy librarian' line.
So. Said jock takes an interest in me after I shoot him the look . And then. AND THEN. He does exactly what the standard douchetard manual tells him to do: he tries to take my glasses OFF MY FACE.
Without thinking, and literally within a split second , I grab his hand and bend his fingers all the way back until I can hear the cracking over the incredibly loud music. Jock boy almost doubles over in pain and tries to yank his hand away, but apparently I am possesed by the spirit of the karate kid and cannot let go. As this is happening I notice that I am shouting at him about how he has NO FUCKING RIGHT to touch me, that I am a stranger and that his behavior is completely unacceptable.
The douche, doubled over in agony can only nod and feebly protest that is was 'just a joke', he was 'just kidding' and 'i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry'.
Ok, I say. And I let him go. Just like that I am over the whole thing and perfectly happy to buy my drink and go dance to a bit of Scat Brothers (walk the night it THE BEST SONG EVER).
I am not an advocate of violence, but I am amazed that my instincts kicked in the way they did. One of the best moments of my life. I am sick and tired of men thinking they have the right to touch me. I am sick of being a pair of sexy glasses and some tits.
Good night wonderful women.
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Well, good for you. I hope you didn't really break his hand, though. Sorry, I'm very squeamish when it comes to pain and hurting people, but whatever... he's probably harrassed women before and almost certainly won't do it again after this.
If some complete stranger reached for my face I'd think I was being attacked.
Rock on! I'm sure there was no permanent damage (having fingers bent back hurts like hell, but it would take a lot of effort to actually break something), but hopefully you left a permanent notion in his head that women are not his playthings.
Haha, that's awesome.
good for you! I hate it when guys think they have the right to touch me. I bet he never does it again, and I hope he tells all of his friends, too.
grumpgirl.blogspot.com
Ow...! It sort of makes me feel sorry for the guy, but I wish I had reflexes like yours. I don't know what I'd do if a stranger tried to touch me, I'd probably freeze or something. Dx
Wow, this makes me so uncomfortable.
Of course no stranger has the right to touch you. But breaking someone's fingers? Because he made a move towards your glasses?
Broken fingers can be a serious injury. That's not ok. Changing up the power dynamic is not enough of an excuse to give you that right.
Rhian - although I agree that no one deserves violent attack in theory, that man was about to touch her without permission - because he reasoned (wrongly) that she would not protest.
Far too many men feel they can have total open access to women's bodies in public and private - and sadly they are correct.
But I applaud what this lady did because the idiot who touched her was totally invading her right to physical privacy. I have done similar things when I am out at night and men choose to grab or grope me (and that feels like physical attack to me). I may give them a chance to explain first - but if they continue - they are going to suffer the physical consequences.
I encourage every woman to learn physical protection - for me it was martial arts - and always give a warning first. But far too many times, those warnings are ignored. Men have far too much open access to women's bodies so we must deny them this right.
To Mia.ellers who wrote this article - it does sound like your reflexes took over and that's fine. But many types of martial arts will teach you how to channel your reflexes so that you can learn to recognize the feelings and not shock yourself so much. But I totally understand what you did. I do it regularly when men invade my space and am proud of it.
Of course, you know that when he tells his friends about it, it's all going to be the fault of "that PMSing bitch" right?
But hopefully, that's made it slightly less likely that some other woman is going to need to break some guys fingers.
Way to go! That may teach him a thing or two about a little concept called "personal space" and keep this asshole from hurting other women in the future.