I'm still not sure how I feel about this article ....I've never heard of Dr. Wendy Walsh and I've never read any of her other articles, I just sumbled onto this page.
In my opinion her argument that feminist woman are hurting their love lives because they're too independent is just plain wrong. Maybe we just have different views on what a "feminist" is. Feminism is more than just being independent financially, it's more than the notion that we don't need men, and it's more than trying to be more "masculine". It IS about loving yourself as a woman, working to make a place for women in a man's world, embracing the sexuality that women have, and working together to teach younger generations about tolerance and respect towards women. But to me the most meaningful meaning in feminism is to be equal with men.
I am almost insulted because, to me, what she is saying is that the feminist movement made women more masculine, and I just don't believe that. I don't believe that in order for me to be a feminist I have to make money. I'm a stay at home mom. Not because that's what my husband wants, because that's what I want. I can get a job and make more money than my husband, but why? I'm happy being a stay at home mom, and when the time is right I will go back to work. I'm living without the "little extra" because I'm a woman and my natural motherly instincts work for me. I don't need to prove my independence to my husband....he knows and he always has and THAT is why we have a great relationship.
Maybe the problem isn't in the women being too independent, perhaps it's the men that they are dating.
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That frustrates me, too. Feminism (among many other things) helps us regain lost self-esteem, assertiveness, etc. Before I felt empowered I would go back and forth between using men I felt were weaker than me and clinging to those I felt were stronger. Neither scenario played out well, for anyone. Only when I found my voice, my independence, my strength, did I end up meeting someone who actually respected all that and dug me for who I was. To say that he would always respect and foster that is not only an understatement, it's a moot point, because at this point in my life I wouldn't accept anything less.
I have no idea who Wendy Walsh is either, but her article displays a huge misunderstanding of what feminism is. She's using all the old masculine/feminine binaries, right down to thinking we're all trying to turn into men. It uses too many flawed assumptions for me to even try to critique it. I think all the confusion and bumbling she's mentioning is her own.
The rest of her site seems to suggest she's an idiot. A link to another part of her site says, "If you really gave it some thought, would you say that you are a full-fledged Daddy's Girl or queen of the Girls Girls? On dates do you wear your best Barbie Doll outfit, or are you the proper Miss Priss? Check out if you are really dateable or not."
Clicking on that takes you to a place to buy HER BOOK: The Girlfriend Test: "ARE YOU GOOD GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL? The Girlfriend Test is the ultimate guide to being a better date and a better mate. It is a chance for women to look at their own dating blunders on the road to commitment."
The rest of the book synopsis is too gag worthy for words: http://drwendywalsh.com/the-girlfriend-test.php
I don't even know where to start on this article. All I can say is: PUKE! Well OK, I'll say this: being a feminist does not equate to being a competitive, unemotional jerk. And why is traditional femininity something to cling to anyway? I'm sorry, but I'm not that interested in being frivolous, irrational, shallow, materialistic, and incompetent.
And this little bit from the sidebar gives you a great insight into who she is and what she's about
I am neither a daddy's girl, nor a queen, I don't own any "Barbie Doll" outfits, and I'm not sure how to behave like Miss Priss. Are these really the only options for women? Seriously?
Maybe the problem isn't in the women being too independent, perhaps it's the men that they are dating.
This.
I wonder what she'd say about dating for feminist men. Bet she thinks they don't exist.
I agree with alixana. I was going to write a big spiel, but it's probably overboard for the scope of this conversation.
I guess people like Walsh feel the need to write these types of articles to give women permission to be be emotional and "submissive" in a relationship. Now, if only men had that permission as well.
This woman was on my mind during my commute home from work. I feel sorry for her that she's not understanding feminism enough to let go of the whole, "ZOMG, am I dateable? Please find me attractive, men. How can I alter myself to make men want me?" Part of being a feminist, for me, is letting go of that, learning to love and challenge myself, and being open to someone loving me for who I am, but not building my life around waiting for it to happen. Her book isn't a self-help book, because it's sure not helping the woman who reads it.
Not to overwhelm the comments with my rants, but check out her "Why Are There No Grooms Magazines?" page: http://drwendywalsh.com/articles/why-there-are-no-grooms-magazines.php
When I saw the link, I thought, "Hey, maybe I underestimated her." But is it a critique of the wedding industry? Commentary on women who get too obsessed with the idea of finding the right man? Oh no. It's classic men-are-weak-don't-be-too-assertive-you-might-scare-them-away.
There's also a quote on the sidebar that says, ""Well done, Ms. Walsh! Today I saw your entertaining interview on The Early Show, CBS. You convinced me - at the gym running on the treadmill facing the tv - to check out your website. Tired of narcissistic men (save me please from these assholes), I am planning now to buy your book. Very good interview, sister.""
And FEMINISTS are the man haters???
I've actually seen research that indicated that the opposite is true - that feminist relationships are healthier physically and emotionally. I don't remember much about it, but I found the article through Yahoo!, which as you know is pretty darn mainstream.
... her argument that feminist woman are hurting their love lives because they're too independent is just plain wrong.
Here's a research study that agrees with your assessment: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/10/071015102856.htm
First sentence from the article (for those who don't want to click through):
"Contrary to popular opinion, feminism and romance are not incompatible and feminism may actually improve the quality of heterosexual relationships, according to Laurie Rudman and Julie Phelan, from Rutgers University in the US."
(emphasis mine)
I confess I didn't read the article that the original poster listed and only skimmed the comments. I just wanted to contribute this link so people could see some actual data opposing this silly argument.
That's funny, because I've actually found that my love life (and sex life!) improved dramatically when I decided that I was a hardcore feminist. Before I realized that I was a valuable, important person, I stopped dating abusive assholes and I started dating really cool feminist guys and girls. Best thing I ever did!
First of all, her article is ridiculously heteronormative. I mean, do lesbian women run into difficulties when one or both of them is a feminist? Who knows, and she doesn't even speculate--she treats them as though they don't exist.
Secondly, I agree that feminism is usually beneficial to a romantic relationship--but we heterosexual feminists in relationships need to understand that our partners weren't raised the same way we were, and if they don't get it, we shouldn't be angry with them. (In most cases.) I used to get pissed at my boyfriend when he wouldn't get some of my issues. And since I hate conflict this would often lead to me bottling everything up, and since I have a good memory it would all add together in my head. A few months ago, I decided no more. A better solution is to explain why something is wrong, offensive, whatever--calmly. There are times to fight--against enemies, not against partners. They just need to be brought to understanding. So I think that if someone has gotten to the point of: "I am a feminist" but not yet to the point of being able to do this, the feminist concerns can often backfire on the relationship.
Of course, this all changes when you're dating a feminist man. They're a whole different situation. And it's understandable that people wouldn't want to go through the whole 'educating' issue, but personally I've found it very useful.