This poem has some extremly strong content, written during a time in my life when I was being phyically, emotionally and mentally abused by my significant other. This was a time when it was socially unacceptable to be divorced in the small agricultural community I came from.It has been well over 25 years since I escaped this abuse
yet at times I still feel the pain of it as if it were happening today , please note that There are words in here and statements that may be repulsive to some.
Maybe Then
Maybe if I changed
Maybe then he would not leave
Maybe if I wore a pretty bow
Maybe then I would not hear the slamming of the door
I do not know what I must have done
For him to leave so easily
I'll change; I'll do what ever just to please
Can't he love me?
I do know I'll beg and plead
Maybe then he would not leave
I did before you know
I learned to make love like them
Like the other ones who come before
I changed so he would stay
He said I was good you know
He wanted me to speak
Dirty little things
Like fuck me, hurt me, if you please
Really I was just a slut he had to tell me so
Maybe if I changed, maybe then he would not go
All this talk makes me horny
Get down bitch and make me proud
And shut those damn kids up
I am your man, aint I better then anyone
To tell the truth he has to know
I would do anything, anything to go
But the children need a man
So maybe now he will not go
Women like me we don't need
As long as the children are feed and clothed
My house stays clean,
Maybe now he will not go
Maybe if and maybe then
Maybe when the children grow
Maybe then I can say
I beg for just a moment's strength
To walk out that damned ole door
But today maybe if I wore a pretty bow
Maybe then he would not go
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A slice of the classic abuse quandary. Because the abuser probably made you think it was something YOU did, something YOU need to fix and then things would be better.
Glad to hear this is a retrospective, and you are free of the abuse.
You figured out exactly what YOU needed to do to make it better~
Exit the abusive relationship.