I'm 22 and bisexual, (though I've never really liked the term). I went to a really cool, liberal high school where a lot of experimentation went on, where it was taken for granted that sexuality was fluid and fun. I have maintained a circle of friends through college years who are not primarily gay, straight, or anything in between, but who generally have a positive attitude about sex in general.

I know you're asking for advice on approaching women, but I would suggest to first make friends who are more relaxed about sex. Somebody who calls you a whore isn't your friend, or shouldn't be. Make friends with other feminists. Maybe join an LGBT org. at school or take some classes that might be geared toward like-minded folk. I think feministing, as well, is a great website, and checking here daily, I definitely feel re-enforced and like I'm not the only feminist in the world.Your post gives me the impression that you do not have a supportive network of people who understand you, and it feels like, with most people you know, your sexuality is an 'issue.' It really doesn't always need to be.

If you are friends with other people who are comfortable with all types of sex, I promise things will get easier and your self-consciousness will be eased.

You seem to be an incredibly bright and eloquent young woman. You're being true to yourself, and that's important and inspiring.

I fully agree with feminanimal - a support network is incredibly important - regardless of sexual orientation.

At 18 everyone is nervous and self conscious. I'm 26 and I'm nervous and self conscious.

As you progress in your university experience you will meet like-minded people. Immersing yourself in a positive environment is key to approaching people who can be a potential date.

I can't really say much more, as feminanimal nailed it.

I totally feel where you're coming from on this. As a queer woman, I get two general responses when I out myself as Bi to people:

1. Bi doesn't exist... just come out as a lesbian already.
2. Guys see it as their golden opportunity to score a threesome.

Frustrating? Absolutely. The thing that has helped me the most is the support of my good friends who are not judgmental, but encouraging. The only recommendation I can provide when approaching other women is to do it as honestly as possible. I try to be upfront about my sexuality so no one gets the impression that I'm experimenting or dabbling, which is VERY often the assumption. As with any relationship, the best time to talk about STI tests is before you get between those sheets, no matter the genitalia involved.

Hope my rambling was sorta helpful.

Hold out hope. Not everyone will have that reaction. You don't deserve that kind of reaction and anyone who doles that out to you doesn't deserve to be your friend. The "right" reaction may be hard to come by, but not everyone will be so cruel and judgmental.

I'm 19 and a bisexual woman as well. My (male) partners in the past have never had explicit problems with my sexuality. When they figure out that I'm bi, the reaction has tended to be "That's hot," which is almost as obnoxious as outright hostility. My current boyfriend, to his credit just said, "Oh, alright, that's cool." Then he looked thoughtfully at me and said, "Hooking up with girls still is cheating, you know." I didn't quite know how to respond, but at least his answer showed that he considers a female-female interaction no less a liason than a male-female one. So I'll take that.

My problem with dating has tended to be that people just assume I'm straight. This leads to my dating men... which leads to more people assuming that I'm straight even though I'm a member of the LBGT group on campus and suchlike.

The other lesbian and bi girls in the group all, in some way, give some stylistic indication of their sexuality. They wear their hair short or dress in masculine styles or things like that. There's nothing wrong with that obviously (and I think it's attractive), it's just not my personal style. I have long hair, wear androgynous or feminine clothing, and generally blend in with the straight population. Unless if I tell people that I'm bi, how will they ever know? How will a girl ever see me as a potential partner?

I'm starting to lose hope that I'll ever get to date girls unless I externally "look like a lesbian." I get the feeling that all of the bi or lesbian girls on campus who sometimes don't make it to the meetings and don't dress in a way that expresses our sexuality are wandering around, blending in, and not running into each other. I'm in a relationship now, so it doesn't matter too much, but when I'm eventually single I'd like my dating pool to involve both women and men... But I only ever seem to attract men.

/whine

I know that offered no solutions and might not even be a similar situation to yours, but I guess it just goes to show that hostility is not your lot. You will find accepting partners who will love you and not hate on your sexuality. Dating as a bi woman is just complicated and kind of shitty at times, even when no one is actively disrespectful.

I too am a bit wistful that I never got a chance to date a woman before I met my (male) partner, whom I love and probably will form a monogamous life-partnership with.

I've been attracted to women's bodies since high school, but women don't approach me. In fact, I've never been approached by a woman, and I don't know why that is. For the record, I completely fit the gender role this society has approved for women--jewelry, makeup, long hair. But I've given lingering looks to women I liked and whom I knew were out-lesbians, and gotten no response. And they were not going out with anyone. And I live in an area with a very, very large LBGT community.

Oh, well. People like whom they like, and I guess I didn't fit their personal bill.

Last year, I caught the tail-end of an Oprah where two gorgeous, super-feminized (according to society's standards) women who had always been hetero-identified saw each other across the room at a party and instantly felt attraction to each other. They later became life partnered. It was like silver-screen romance. In fact, I was really surprised that two women who had been constantly, even aggressively hetero would "magically" fall into each other's arms.

I kinda wished that would happen to me.

It seems that between being bisexual and being attractive (not tooting my own horn that's just what people say) to much of society, I can't possibly be a virgin. I never had a serious relationship and while I'm not saving myself for marriage I atleast want a serious relationship with the person I lose it to. But of course the stigma that is attached to both pretty girls and bisexuals is that we're sluts. Because apparently bisexuals and pretty people can't ever say no to sex.

I never understand the "choose one gender" argument against bisexuality. I always say - do you prefer blonds or brunettes? Ever dated the other option? Why don't you just choose and stick to it, think of all the diseases you could spread between blonds and brunettes...

I think of dating as a really cool kind of friendship. don't put too much pressure on yourself, just make friends with the people you're interested in. this means: go out. flirt. talk about things you're interested in. make jokes. see where things go.

AND, be yourself. know who you are. I can't tell you how many bad dating/relationship situations I'd have avoided if i had really understood that advice when i was your age.

Cruella, I like the blond/brunette argument, I'll have to use that sometime.

I'm also a young bi girl (19) and I've had a lot of the same problems. I'm not officially "out" to my family (although I'm sure they wouldn't have a problem with it - it just hasn't come up) but I've gotten an overwhelmingly negative reaction from friends, partners, and potential partners. The number one issue is that many people assume that bisexual=slutty/poly/untrustworthy. WTF?

Thank you all for your comments, they truly made my day. So I came back from my very first University LGBT meeting and I got a lot of surprised looks from members of the group; just to clarify my situation no one can actually physically tell I am bi. I have long hair, very societally approved feminine features (soft eyes, large lips, large breasts, a curvy figure) and I dress in a feminine classic fashion. So most people are like "Wow, really?" or "You don't look the part." Which is incredibly offensive because hello, we shouldn't judged someone based off of their physicality in regards to sexuality.

I have also expelled any negative figure in my life in regards to my orientation because I have a long life to live and if someone can't love me for who I am then forget them, this was done through e-mail yesterday night.

Your stories have motivated me more to not give up on finding a partner and being honest with all of them even if its not the answer they want to hear. So thank you fellow members of Feministing.