I see no problem in being a feminist and standing up for what you believe in, especially as a sexual assault victim. I agree with the comment that sexism is real as is glass ceiling effect and sexual assault. However, I don't understand why you would question your feminist beliefs on account of other people and their views on your own. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and beliefs, therefore you should embrace what you believe in. Then again, it is your choice and however you feel. But to ask yourself why you are a feminist just because of everything and everyone around you isn't very solid. Being a feminist doesn't mean there's something wrong with you but rather than you want to stand up for women's rights and protect them in general because they should be treated equally.

I advise you strongly to go to your library and pick up some books about women's history. Once you read about all feminists have done- the major 100 + year battle to get the vote for example, access to birth control, abortion, working against slavery you'll feel proud and realize that is feminists before us could do it so can we. Anger is very consuming, but pride and self-confidence are good emotional fuel for our fight. I especially encourage you to read about women of colour- their history is untertold, and not taught in the schools.

I think I may not have fully expressed what I was feeling when I wrote this, if I've given the impression that I'm uninformed about feminism or seriously considering giving it up, or that I'm not grateful for what feminism has done for me.

I was trying to express the exhaustion of being feminist in a very sexist world, one that seems to be getting worse, moving backwards.

In particular, I've been struggling with seeing rape culture everywhere I turn. It's so upsetting for me to see how normal it is to other people, and I find it really overwhelming.

So this post was attempting to ask, how do all of you other feminists handle the exhaustion of constantly fighting against the dominant culture? When you're faced with pervasive misogyny and rape culture, how do you keep it from getting to you, and destroying your hopes that we change it?

Remembering how much past feminists were up against, and what they've achieved despite that is a helpful answer, so thank you Audrey.

It's hard. But just remember that someone has it much worse. Use the exhaustion to your benefit!

It's an old saying in endurance sports that just as you think you're completely spent, you've got twice as much in you.

SO just when you feel exhausted from the fight, remember that you've still got a lot more in you.

Old Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times.

Well, our lives are _very_ interesting! Curse or Boon?

Learn to love the fight?
Don't let the man get you down?

I'm trying to help.

The fight doesn't exhaust me. I get a lot of pleasure from it. I get an adrenaline rush whenever there's conflict... (side-effect from panic attacks arising from bad experiences with authority figures)

I guess.. I'm not too worried about changing anything drastic in my lifetime. I want to _start_ things, to keep things going. Maybe something will peak in my lifetime, maybe it won't. I realize that radical social change may never happen until I'm long dead.
But I'd rather be remembered as someone who kept the feminist ball rolling (or not remembered at all, but the effects of my actions resonating throughout history, nameless) than as someone who collapsed under the weight of trying to immediately change society.

Another thing to remember- feminism can be fun ! Criticism can take the form of humour and be very powerful. Ever heard of radical cheerleaders, or batucadas ? Radical cheerleaders are women who do cheerleading using radical slogans- you can google it. Feminist batucadas are women who use recycled objects as instruments and shout slogans. I went to a conference last weekend and some of the plenaries started with cheerleaders or batucadas performing, and 500 other Canadian feminists following along. I swear it was sooo much fun !
There may be on be one of these in your area- join ! I know that if I see an opportunity to join one, I will be there in a flash !

See pictures posted by another attendee here :
http://www.flickr.com/photos/themaroonstar/sets/72157608133451319/

I remember feeling a sense of despair about feminist issues and just wanting to bury my head in the sand. I'm not saying I still don't feel like that from time to time, but I think it will get better as you get older, which I never would have imagined, due to the double whammy of sexism and ageism. I think if you have people in your life that are so ignorant, it is best to limit your contact with them. There are plenty of awesome feminist women and some sympathetic men that you can surround yourself with so you do not have to deal with stupidity and ignorance in your leisure time. I suppose I have worked on cultivating this kind of support system and also limited my contact with people I find irksome. I am also lucky enough to have idealistic work (I'm a librarian) that I love, so that sustains me as well. I am of the school of thought that "every little bit counts" as far as any small difference one can make. If you are feeling drained, I suggest cutting negative influences out of your life if possible. (which isn't always possible, since sometimes the psychic vampires are family members.) A feminist coworker and I used to joke "if we are miserable over these issues, the patriarchy has won". It is a revolutionary act to be joyful and energized and we owe it to ourselves to go through life this way. Do you know the book "the delaney sisters first 100 years"? They were two African American sisters who lived into their 100s. The best revenge for them was living way longer than all of the idiotic racists they encountered in their long and beautiful lives. I promise it will get better both personally and globally.

Okay, I totally disagree with cutting out people in your life because they don;t agree with your view. If you don't talk to people who disagree with you, how can you convince them. Maybe you should look at your approach to how you respond to their sexist ideas, some people react badly to being aggressively criticized, they clam up defensively by dismissing and a clever point, polite point works better. Also, surrounding yourself with people who's view is different will keep you from getting locked up too much in your feminist head space. It's good to disagree with people. It makes you think, and because a person doesn't agree with your view, doesn't mean a relationship with them isn't worthwhile (friendship or whatever). No one in this world is ideologically pure- it's no good being holier than thou for any of us.

Mariella!! I totally understand where you are coming from - (and I think some of the commenters don't quite get your point).

I feel this way when I think about all the internal arguments among feminists (pornography, transfolk, sexuality, politics, etc), and sometimes it hits me: There are still people out there who barely consider women people! It's at that moment when I get overwhelmed at how much work there is still to do.

However, I agree with the commenter who said that we won't get to see the results of our hard work in this lifetime, but we do have to trust that it will happen eventually. We can do our best now, but we can only do so much.

And lastly, I have to disagree with Audrey about cutting people out of your life. Absolutely you shouldn't dismiss people because of differing political views, but if you find that someone's sexist/misogynistic attitude is hurting you and your ability to be around them, then by all means, burn that bridge! Life is way too short to be surrounded by all that negativity.

Good luck!

You and I are in EXACTLY the same place: thank you for voicing it so eloquently. :)

It's hard to keep fighting for something when you know you won't be able to renovate the world. It's hard to not lose hope when every hour of your life is in some way affected by misogyny, from something as small as watching a beer commercial to as intense as reading about violence against actual women. It's hard to be able to keep friendships with people when you've learned that you can't respect their views, or they belittle yours. (Not to mention all the shows you can't find funny anymore, the articles you wouldn't have noticed before but now infuriate you, the passing comments people around you make that launch you into a mental fury of "Should I say something? Should I not?")

But we're all here, together, and that shows that feminism IS working. It's alive enough to have changed each of us, and we in turn can help change others. It's certainly easier to not be a feminist, but we've all taken the red pill and there's no going back!

thanks for all the comments! some of you really did know exactly how i was feeling and i really appreciate the advice and encouragement. you're awesome :) feministing really stops me from going crazy sometimes!