I think you should just be honest and open with your friend. Make sure you don't sound upset with her at all. These are partially naked pictures of her so I'm sure it will be a sensitive subject. Just be a good supportive friend and nicely express your concerns. Maybe say something along the lines of, "well don't you think john will like the pictures were he can see your face and see how happy you are?" something like that. As for the ribs sticking out issue, maybe just suggest that the pictures were the ribs sticking out aren't as apparent are nicer.

May I ask why you aren't comfortable with the idea behind these types of pictures?

Sure, alicialynn, hopefully I can articulate it because it's a mixture of things. The first is just that I have a problems with the whole wedding industry - this is yet ANOTHER thing being pushed on brides to spend their money on. They're not being advertised as general glamourous photos, they're specifically marketed towards brides. And the websites assume heteroness.

The pricing information on the website includes touchups and editing, while at the same time claiming that the photographer will create a comfortable and positive environment to take the pictures in. The photographer also chose some testionial letters to put on the page, and one woman said something like, "Everyone who sees my pictures says I look gorgeous, which is clearly the work of the photographer's great skills!" As if the woman wasn't beautiful before the photographer chose the angles and lighting and touched the photos up.

And then there's the whole idea of the "giving" of nakedness or sexuality, like the woman's body is a present or a package for men. The focus on the body and not the whole woman that I mentioned in the original post goes into this.

This isn't exactly capturing the whole thing. If I'm able to put my finger on more of exactly what bothers me about it, I'll add another comment. I'm certainly not upset with my friend, I helped her pick out her outfits and I did her makeup for her, it's just that the result that the photographer created that I'm having issues with. I don't want to rain on my friend's parade, because she's really happy. I also don't want to come across as, "Yeah, you're hot now that you're skinny and you weren't before."

I would take aclicialynn's positive approach.

I think it would be a mistake to offer your opinion about body changes that you have not indicated were unhealthful or dangerous. Ribs sticking out per se is not a problem--it's many women's default body type /(with the notable difference that they don't cultivate it or diet into it).

"Wow, your expression is great here! Love this one!" (even if the real reason you prefer it is because her midriff appears boneless).

You can be honest about expression though. "I really prefer the ones where we can see your face, because I think it will be more emotionally meaningful to him."

I think these kinds of pictures are sort of squicky too, because of the implication that the bride's sexuality becomes the property of the husband upon marriage. Handing him a photo album of these pics is symbolic of that in a way. This is of course a really old theme in our culture that is generally not explicity stated anymore, but it has strong undertones nevertheless. All this weird sexist cultural baggage that's attached to weddings just makes me cringe.

As to how to talk to her...I guess it depends on what your relationship is like. I would just tell one of my friends directly why I disliked the pics where her head is cut off. But my friends are not easily hurt/offended. =) But you could tactfully explain to her why it's offensive when people take sexy pictures of women's bodies or body parts without also showing their faces.

Good luck!

So I guess the groom isn't getting any sexy photos of himself done as a gift to her?

All I can say is that you are good friend. I don't know if I could keep my mouth shut.

I think the way to approach it is just looking at it from an individual standpoint. As a trend, it's uncomfortable, just another situation where women cater to men, where the woman's attractiveness is more important than the man's, and the focus of the relationship is all wrong. But from an individual standpoint your friend is probably very proud of her body, feeling very sexy, and she wants to share and preserve those feelings. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it could even be empowering. Just pay attention to her and what she wants out of it, and not what society or her asshole photographer wants.

I agree. Help her find the ones that remind her husband that she is a person.

Arguments about art photography aside, I'm wondering if part of this is not a "property" thing but a desire to compete with the world's sexiness for her husband's attention. "I'm good enough! Look!"

Yeah, I hadn't thought of that, Flippy. Sad, sad, sad.

I feel uncomfortable about that, too. At least the cutting off the head thing.

I can totally see how if she is truly excited about it, and she's proud of her accomplishment, and they are fun, then why not? Some women really like dressing up. Maybe dressing sexy is a turn on for her as well. I know that I feel more confident since working out. If I dropped several sizes, those pictures would be for me just as much as for him.

But yeah, the no face thing really gets to me because her husband may as well be looking at porn if he wants the anonymity. The purpose of the pictures is that the pictures are a gift from YOUR WIFE/Girlfriend, not some random woman with no face. Isn't it the point that is IS the person he's interested in? Keep her face, damn it!

Awww, whacking material...what a sweet gift...

Anyhoo, I agree with all the comments saying how creepy it is to give this as a gift, offering the woman's body as an object (but only upon marriage!).

The headless thing really gets to me, too. If he loves her and is marrying her, he should see her as more than just a hot bod in lingerie. And she should know ho he feels about her, thus not wanting to give him decapitated boobie shots.

As others have said, I'd definitely encourage her to choose the ones with her head in them. If she questions you on it, you don't have to lecture her or anything, just point out that her husband would most likely enjoy seeing his entire wife in these pictures as opposed to just pieces.

As far as being happy with her body, that's fantastic. I've lost a lot of weight also and I know how much of a boost it can be to your self-esteem to look in a mirror and not completely hate everything you see. And if she were doing these pictures to celebrate that for herself, I'd be very supportive of the idea. If her pride is somehow based on how her husband sees her, why not just wear the sexy lingerie for him in person? At least then she gets to enjoy herself as well.

And the thing with these pictures in general...is it supposed to be the first time the guy sees you in your lingerie? 'Cuz 90% of couples have sex before they get married. Just sayin'

Alixana, I get the whole wedding industry thing. It drives me nuts too. I can't imagine ever being at a place in my life where I feel comfortable spending 30k on a what amounts to a big party.

The touching up thing is also a very good point. I think most people are much more beautiful when they haven't been touched up. Isn't it the 'imperfections' in us all that make us unique?

The giving of sexuality is not an aspect of this that I had ever considered before. I do find it disturbing when these kinds of pictures aren't of the whole women, especially when it's just boobs or an ass shot. But the symbolic giving of a women's sexuality to her husband had never occured to me. I'm going to have to ponder that one.

I've thought about doing this kind of picture before as a present to my boyfriend, but more in a 1940's and 50's pinup style. And it had honestly never occured to me that I would be in anyway handing him my sexuality. I love my body and I'm proud of it and I think he would like the pictures.

Hmm...off to think about the underlying ideas behind this.

EWWWWWWW!!! Some woman wants to hand a future husband pictures of his future wife's decapitated body and assumes it's sexy? I get wanting to take sexy pictures, and see nothing wrong with it. But they should be OF HER, and FOR HER pleasure too.

It's great that she lost weight if she feels healthier and happier, but I'm a little worried about her dropping pounds just for the wedding-- most diets don't work, so she'll probably put the pounds back on, and I know I would feel weird about owning hyper-sexual images of myself at an unnatural weight when they look nothing like my body anymore.

Alicialynn, I see nothing wrong with giving your boyfriend sexy images of yourself. I'm sure you'd like sexy pictures of him too! But that would be for fun, not because you're supposed to give yourself to your husband or anything.

The shots on the website are impersonal because the subjects don't want their faces online as part of the photographer's public portfolio. Most of the pictures that are actually taken are not dehumanized or decapitated. Some of the website photos have likely been strategically cropped to avoid the subjects from being recognized online.

Annnd, I just noticed the "might be to protect these women's identity." Yes, that is precisely the reason.

I'm not getting married or getting boudoir photos taken anytime soon, but I am interested in photography. From a boudoir photographer's website that I recently visted:

"Thank you to my beautiful client for being cool with me posting these. Of course, we took a gajillion more with her face showing, but to maintain her privacy, only non-facial shots are posted. If anyone is interested in setting up a session though, she has given me permission to share more images in private."

Thanks, everyone, for your responses. I appreciate it! Some individual responses:

Kate, my friend didn't lose weight for the wedding, but as an overall lifestyle change for her and her fiance. Weight Watchers, from what I've seen her do, isn't so much a diet as a radical change to how she approaches portion sizes and food choices.

lal46, while I did consider privacy, what sent me looking on the website in the first place was the fact that the photographer included a headless photo in my friend's preview of what the photographer was sending her on a disc. She sent 4 pictures as a teaser of what to expect, which means that 25% of the preview was headless! I hope I end up being wrong, but I think it will be pretty terrible if my friend and I open the disc next week when we receive it and find more headless ones.

Plus, the website did include a few that were not headless, and from the outfits, it was clear that some of the headless shots were of the same girls whose faces were already shown. And the website did not include any disclaimer like the one you posted.

Also wanted to add: the example pictures on the website didn't seem to simply be a case of cropping, due to the angles, the framing, the position of the woman, etc.

I agree with everyone that she should give a picture with her head. But something I'd like to point out, just because her ribs may be showing in a picture doesn't make it not sexy. It is bad to encourage people to starve themselves to the point that their bones show, and it shouldn't be the only standard of beauty to be thin, but I'm seriously tired of ribs = gross coming from people who slap the wrists of those who say fat = gross.