Check out number 11/15 in particular...A little bit of sneaky anti-feminism perhaps? (Working off the stereotype, of course, that feminist = man hater)
This isn't the only article on AOL "HEALTH" (yes, I keep putting "HEALTH" in quotes because many of these poorly composed articles and comments do not seem to be promoting good health for women or men) that I have found offensive.
Browse their site and the links pertainging to sexuality. Here's one more link to an article brimming with gender stereotyping fun.
Its title does not specify if the article is aimed at males, females or both, which first led me to believe it would be gender neutral. But alas, and not surprisingly, owners of small penises are relished and encouraged in this article, while women with bad smelling/ odd looking vaginal areas are told that it's understood if they feel shame or embarrassment about those things. "Women should feel comfortable and attractive unless their partner is indicating otherwise." Why thank you Dr. FuckUp, for placing my comfort and worth in the hands of my male counterpart.
Read on for other gems such as, "Men's fantasies tend to be more sexually explicit than women's, which are more emotional and romantic."
I don't know about you folks, but I'm going to find some contact info for these people have myself a good e-yell.
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Wow. Just...wow. I would point out what's wrong with that article piece-by-piece, but that would take all day. Just...wow.
I do have to say that some of the ideas WOULD be good if directed more at the woman's actual HEALTH than at attracting a man. Letting go of residual anger? Not easy, but good for you. Having a fun, active life? Good for you.
Let's be honest, we could all benefit from being better communicators or being less insecure. But the article casts it in the light of doing these things just to be attractive for men. The subtitle is "be a man magnet". This is Cosmo-level dreck.
I do love how they throw in a few real gems once in awhile, such as "Most (though not all) are a subset of one attraction-killing misconception: The belief that a relationship will somehow save or complete you" and how you shouldn't strive for some unrealistic perfection...then turn around and tell you to look "take-me-home" sexy.
You know, I'm just going to stop. *Shakes head*
I particularly like the next-to-the-last slide where after you're told "Don't be unkempt. Don't complain. Don't tell him your backstory. Don't be catty. Don't talk when you should really be listening to him," that they say "Just be yourself!"
It's this kind of pretzel-bending "advice" that women have been subjected to for centuries. It was really amusing (sarcasm) when it was labeled as "charm" in the 1950s-1960s. Not that anyone actually defined what charm was...
On the comments on that article. The majority of them are pretty good. Much of them are women calling it out on it's bullshit. This isn't the type of behavior we usually see on AOL comments. It's typically filled with hate for everyone, I remember reading a hateful comment about Baby Jessica.
Oooohhh, I didn't read the comments. I'm going to go back and do that later. Maybe it'll put a smile on my face.
A hateful comment about Baby Jessica? How does that work? Nevermind...I don't want to know.
Did anyone else take notice of the 'boring in bed' one? The last bit of advice they give is all right, if heterosexist ('show him how to pleasure you' was the basic jist), but everything else was very depressing.
I really hate all the pressure to have sex like you're putting on a show. Why can't you just be yourself? Why do women have to act like these 'naughty', kinky, sex-kitten, nymphomaniacs, lest they be called 'boring in bed'? If you're kinky, cool, if you're not, also cool. But why should you feel obligated to put on a show that's not you to excite the other person?
Well, one could also say that if you are with someone, they might need you to put on a show to get aroused, because they are accustomed to seeing you all the time and aren't going to get turned on just by seeing you in your sweatpants. Boring sex is only a problem because it devolves into no sex, which can mess up relationships.
If you don't want to put on a show for someone, and you're with someone who needs their partner to put on a show to get aroused, you probably should be in counseling to find a good common ground or you should break up with them. But "just be yourself" will only work if just being yourself happens to turn on your partner enough to actually get to sex, and finding a guy who still gets turned on after a few months by you acting normal is pretty hard once you're out of your 20's (I have no idea what the situation is for lesbian women).
If just being yourself isn't enough to turn on your sex partner, then you shouldn't be having sex with that person.
Oh, made the mistake of reading the "Do you have Normal Sex?" one you listed second.
"Have sex even if you don't feel like it?" Go through the motions and your mind will catch up?
Ok, why the hell he didn't just add "Close your eyes and think of England" I'll never figure out.
I hate shit like that. "It doesn't matter if you're stressed, sick, angry, depressed, put out and it will magically all get better because your male partner is happy!" Fuck that shit.
ugh i KNOW i cringed when i read that
LOL - I love the bit where if you are a "secret or not-so-secret man hater", "your thoughts are palpable" so everyone will know! You have to lose those thoughts right now! It isn't enough to shut up! You have to *really want to*!!! Oh, but don't forget to be yourself. Just a different yourself. ROFLMAO. I am going to use this for my novel!!! It's priceless!
In the first piece it said to be enthusiastic about sex and not to act as if you're just going through the motions. The authors need to make up their minds.
I think I'm missing the point here... The habits of highly unattractive women list could easily be called "habits of highly unattractive men" and be just as true. Needy and insecure is never a turn on, from anybody...
exactly. That what I wish more dating advice would realize-good advice-like that over neediness and clingyness is a turn off(while admitting that how much is too much varies from person to person) goes both ways.
i love the one on being your most attractive self all the time (never look unkempt, have a hot bod and always wear make up!! ..gag) because he won't get a chance to see the real you unless you wrap it up in a pretty package! and of course you'll feel better if you look hot...
most people want to attract a partner yes, but what's with this idea that you can body shame all you want as long as you give a shout out to inner beauty? You're not attractive enough the way you are, so DIET DIET DIET AND DON'T FORGET YOUR MAKE UP (but it's what's inside that counts)
pretty much everything said was highly offensive, but at least feminists and anti-feminists alike apparently agree that we should all ditch The Rules.
Yikes, I really should drop my secret man-hating style for my beau! Thanks, AOL health.
Please. Excuse me while I [gag].
Some of those are true, though. Based off of wrinkly clothes, unbrushed hair, and so on, it's not the best impression. Granted, I hate too much (read:any) makeup, so I'm certainly not pushing for that, but I know better than to not shower/brush my hair/ go out in wrinkled t-shirts and sweats and expect to attract anyone. I think you probably already knew that.
If you are boring your partner in bed, something IS wrong. I think everyone will agree with that. If you liked sex a certain way, but he was only interested in missionary-hurry up and finish so I can- roll over go to sleep, no one would say "but he's being himself!" Some sort of compromise or change is needed if someone is bored.
The article could have been a little more tactful, but it's on the whole not all bad advice. And it applies to men looking to attract women, too.
You can take issue with the "don't be a man hater" one, but imagine it reversed. If the man laughs at jokes about women, talks about why men are better, and constantly complains about women, how attractive is that?
The problem is you can't simply reverse the genders and expect it to have the same effect, as both genders have very different experiences and status in our society. I don't necessarily think it's some of the advice that's offensive - SOME of it - but the fact that this is the same sort of bullshit that's been slung at women for years.
True, if you were to reverse the genders in this article, no one would complain. But a good question to ask is why no one DOES reverse articles like these. The "relationship" self help section of almost any book store is dominated by books for women that dole out the same contradictory advice - ie be yourself but change - and generally lay the onus of "fixing up" a relationship on the woman. And while I'm sure there are self help books for men in the same vein, the highest selling "relationship" books I've seen for men are books like The Game. Just saying.
The fact that the good advice in this article (be yourself) is doled out hand in hand with the bad (be the yourself that looks good and tries hard to please your man), plus the fact that it once again places the onus of all this work on women is what's offensive.
As someone who's last boyfriend enjoyed the fact that I knew as much rock and roll history as he did, that I write feminist blogs on buzznet and that we had active debates on everything from politics to to pizza, I found quite a few of these hysterical.
Maybe I don't want to be attractive to guys who would demand that I be "take me to bed grogeous" all the time and never open my mouth. I prefer the guy who dances in my backyard with me while it's raining, takes me to the library, helps me devour a shirt-staining portion of watermelon, then cuddles and giggles with me while watching Austin Powers and making out. But maybe that's just me. I like guys who like a challenge and want to have fun, ven if it leads to (gasp!) a disheveled appearance and discussion on the battle of the sexes.
*sigh* Why did his family have to move to Texas?
Five and Six are also gems.
"Hardened and Bitter Attitude" and "Sloppy and Unkempt Appearance" basically say 'don't look like crap for The Men,' and 'why aren't you perky and happy all the time? when you aren't, and you know, actually get angry, people may be OFFENDED.'
I wasn't as offended by 10 "Trash Your Perfect Man List" as I thought I would be. Sure, it can be read as 'settle for less,' but I know SO many people, both men AND women, who need to stop talking about 'their type' because really? How many people have you dated out of all the people in the world? How can you say that you have a 'type,' and 'type' tends to be very shallow like 'I like facial hair and blue eyes.'
Yeah, 11/15 were a bit deplorable. 15 I really hated because almost anything dressy a woman wears can be considered provocative. Bleh.
The normal sex article also gets bonus points for only mentioning masturabtion and males. It just assumes in the masturbation question that women don't masturbate. Hmmm. Yup, here's a clue AOL health: some WOMEN MASTURBATE EVERYDAY, too.
This article is awful, but I found some of the other articles on AOL "Health" to be even worse!
Check out "5 Things You shoulld Never Say to a Woman" especially the intro: http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/men-understanding-women
What a bunch of demeaning, sexist, patronizing crap! All about how to handle women who "... freak out. Often at you. Often for no discernible reason."
There is an article about "What Not to Say to Men." Surprise! It's all about how women should take care not to offend or scare off their men, how to "do anything to stay on his good side."
This made me so furious, I did fire off an angry "e-yell" to AOL. I didn't get a response of course, but it made me feel a little better.
This article is awful, but I found some of the other articles on AOL "Health" to be even worse!
Check out "5 Things You shoulld Never Say to a Woman" especially the intro: http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/men-understanding-women
What a bunch of demeaning, sexist, patronizing crap! All about how to handle women who "... freak out. Often at you. Often for no discernible reason."
There is an article about "What Not to Say to Men." Surprise! It's all about how women should take care not to offend or scare off their men, how to "do anything to stay on his good side."
This made me so furious, I fired off an angry "e-yell" to AOL. I didn't get a response, of course, but it made me feel a little better. Maybe if we all tell them how we feel, they'll get rid of this dreck! (I can dream, can't I?)