You know, it always bothers me that men, because of their own privilege, perceive any advancement in women's rights as an attack on their rights. The key in what is going on here with this male class mate is when he says this: "The whole idea is to make men and women equals, but feminists boost their status by bringing down men's status"

I'm sure all the feminists here caught that...Here's a quote from the "feminism 101" blog that explains this attitude further (perhaps your male classmate should read it):

"[T]rue gender equality is actually perceived as inequality. A group that is made up of 50% women is perceived as being mostly women. A situation that is perfectly equal between men and women is perceived as being biased in favor of women."

"And if you don’t believe me, you’ve never been a married woman who kept her family name. I have had students hold that up as proof of my "sexism". My own brother told me that he could never marry a woman who kept her name because everyone would know who ruled that relationship. Perfect equality - my husband keeps his name and I keep mine is held as a statement of "superiority" on my part.

[Lucy, When Worlds Collide: Fandom and Male Privilege.]

"In this case the inequality is perceived, in part, because taking one’s husband’s name is considered "normal" for a woman, whereas choosing to keep one’s own name deviates from that. Popular culture often labels this behavior as emasculating to a man, but never bothers to question how a woman might feel being asked to give up something that has been part of her since her birth. This is an example of a culture of male privilege where a man’s position and feelings are placed above that of the woman’s in a way that is seen as normal, natural, and traditional."

Going back to Lucy’s article, this is what she said in the paragraph directly preceding the one quoted above:

"Male privilege may be more obvious in other cultures, but in so-called Western culture it’s still ubiquitous. In fact, it’s so ubiquitous that it’s invisible. It is so pervasive as to be normalized, and so normalized as to be visible only in its absence. The vast, vast, vast majority of institutions, spaces, and subcultures privilege male interests, but because male is the default in this culture, such interests are very often considered ungendered. As a result, we only really notice when something privileges female interests."

Sorry to cut and paste all that text, but I felt is described perfectly what was going on in the case of this male classmate.

So it's obvious that this classmate is only talking from his own male privileged perspective.

Here's the link if you want to give it to him...but I sort of have a hard time picturing him being amenable to evaluating and exposing his own male privilege given his statements to you.

http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/03/11/faq-what-is-male-privilege/

Yeah, that would have seriously pissed me off too. Since when do feminists "bring down men's statuses" by being bitches?! So, if we're opinionated and passionate about something, that means we're bitches? That is utter bullshit.

The only reason that we even have to work for equality for everyone is because the middle-to-upper class white males insist that they be number one in everything. And if we try to even come close to that status, then that means they're less powerful and they can't stand that. That shouldn't mean that they have to come and rag on the feminists trying to make the world a better place. It should mean that they have to realize that they're NOT all-powerful, that they SHOULDN'T control the lives of everyone else, and that maybe, for once, they should admit that they've been wrong for a long, long time.

end rant...lol

It's interesting how you say you want equality, but the site is called feministing... that's slightly unequal. It makes it a site for women?
And it's also interesting how you say he can only see it from his 'male perspective' but you don't seem to have respected his opinion in the least, merely ranted somewhere where you know you'll only get support and not confrontation. A place where you could say pretty much anything without any evidence to your point of view, but goes readily accepted.
Maybe if you want equality, you should call the site humanisting. Where everyone in the world can all scream about their troubles and blame it on everyone else without actually taking responsibility whatsoever for their own actions.
Atleast in that respect, everyone gets the chance to make useless comments.

Bitch, slut and whore are words that get used against women who are smart, successful, beautiful,empowered etc because they are all things we are not supposed to be. This to me means 2 things 1) Feminists must be doing something right- the more insults and reaction you get must mean we are going in the right direction if we are bringing these neanderthal reactions to the surface, proving we're right 2) every time I get called a bitch, I say thank you, I take it as compliment.

Fuck off intelliGENT

Troll alert

So, I've got a bit of a reaction and then also maybe a misguided attempt at finding a silver lining.

1)As a male, it is easy to say "hey i just want things to be equal---not to go to far and take away men's freedoms!" It is easy to say because we males have never been on the receiving end of SYSTEMATIC oppression, so making things "equal" without doing the hard work of examining our own attitudes and beliefs, and those of society that led us to an "unequal" situation in the first place is NOT equality--it is whitewashing over the past. We cannot and will not have a more just society without first examining and eradicating what perpetuates injustice in the first place.

Ironically, intelliGENT, if and when we do this--we examine and uproot the (usually invisible and to us men often "harmless") attitudes that one finds in both one's own life and in the media/society at large we actually help BUILD a more just, equal society and that benefits men too.

(although, as an aside, if eradicating sexist AXE bodywash commercials takes away from my "status" as a man, dear lord, my gender is in even sorrier shape than I ever could have imagined)

2)meenecat, keep up the good work! We can't realistically expect to shift people's perceptions all the way overnight, but bringing up items like you did--dialoguing with people on tough questions even when it seems hopeless believe it or not can change people's minds incrementally until one day they actually have come around.

lt good for you!!!! and its a good thing u set him straight and made him see your point of view. I'm not sure i would have made it that far... i would have yelled "sexist pig!" haha. In my women's studies class a few weeks ago we read a chapter from Inga Musico's book Cunt, entitled "rape not cunts" some of the girls were uncomfortable saying the word itself, and we took a pretty good portion of the class discussing the connotations behind words such as cunt and how we view them. Then everyone said it... outloud, it was very empowering.

At what point do you renounce all logic and reason just to say that you are protecting your beliefs?

I dont think you're a support of feminism at all, I think feminism supports that you dont have to change YOUR view!

So far on this site I havent heard a single comment from anyone who's willing to find a middle ground where everyone is beneficial. Purely 1 sided view, that is as hypocritical as a male run world. You're not acting on the ideology of an equal world, you're just another side doing exactly the same thing. And the worst part about it, is you're not actually smart enough to realize it.