It's about 10am on Sunday morning, and about half an hour ago a stranger called my cell phone. It was a restricted number, so when I answered I expected it to be someone misdialing--instead, it was a strange man claiming I'd given him my number. Normally, I would just assume that he was trying to call someone else, but he rattled off my number and asked if I was busy. I told him I was, and that I didn't know who he was or why i would have given him my number (i've had the same one for 8 years--it's possible at some point I did give him my number, or he could have been lying). I told him I was going to hang up, and he said he wanted to ask me a question. Hoping that would get him to just go away, I sighed and told him to go ahead.
He asked me to "play with your pussy." Obviously, I was disgusted, and told him to get the fuck off the phone and never call me again. Not exactly the most crushing thing I could have said, but it is what it is. I hung up, turned on some music to make my apartment feel less empty, and called my mom to vent--I was more annoyed than anything else.
My mom's theory was that it was just some loser trying to get a reaction. Which, she pointed out, I had pretty much given him by swearing. For a second, I agreed with her and wished that I had just hung up the phone.
But you know what? I'm glad I reacted. I'm glad I made it clear that I did not find it acceptable (or clever) to call anonymously and say offensive things just because I'm a woman and I can't stop him. Anonymity does not give someone the right to reduce me to an object for his own pleasure. Being a woman does not mean that I can be disrespected that way, which I think was the underlying (if unconscious) justification behind the voice on the phone.
Was he just looking for an angry reation? Yeah, probably. Should I have just hung up without saying anything? Maybe. But I'm glad I asserted myself. It's not the biggest thing to ever happen to me, but I'm glad I got angry and had my say, instead of hanging up the phone in fear.
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It's your phone, so the reaction you feel like giving is the right one.
good for you. maybe he wanted an angry reaction, maybe he wanted to intimidate you, it's impossible to know. since telling him to fuck off was what you wanted to do, i'm really glad you asserted yourself. i usually ignore shit but a couple weeks ago in a bar i flipped off some guys who were being rude. it felt awesome to show i thought they were assholes and wouldn't be "put in my place"
You definitely did the right thing. I think the whole 'wanting a reaction' motive might be true sometimes, but a lot of the time it's just men asserting their privilege, trying to make themselves feel better and/or impress their friends. Even if a reaction is 'what he wanted,' it's also what YOU wanted, and doing what you feel is right in such a situation is very important. Yelling back is a way to take some of the power back, in my opinion. I also agree that a woman (or man) should always let a harrasser know that the advances are not ok.
Maybe all of the above is why I so enjoy yelling at people who catcall me or honk at me on the street. A loud, "FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE" goes a long way.
I got a call from a stranger once insisting we had met on the subway and I had given him my number. Finally I asked "What do I look like?"
The first thing he said is "You had long brown hair..." I said "My hair is short and black." And then he tried to argue that with me, insisting it was long and brown, like I don't know what my own hair looks like?! Is this a new thing for asshole guys, to try and claim we gave them the number, like we wouldn't remeber doing that?
I just read in my human sexuality textbook about different paraphilias, one of them being obscene phone calling. Not that he was necessarily this type, I totally agree that he was taking advantage. But if he was one of those who primarily gets off through disgusting phone calls, he would be doing it for a reaction, and the best thing is not giving one. However, I'd think if it was a one time thing (hopefully), what you did was awesome!
i think you did the right thing. even if he was looking for a reaction, its impossible to not react... even hanging up could have been titillating for him... maybe placing the phone face down until he hung up? who knows.
speaking of weird phone calls....
i got my cell phone about a year ago and i have been getting calls for a girl named lisa ever since, and apparently that girls brother, sean. i get random texts from girls trying to "hook up" with this guy, and no matter how many times i tell them its the WRONG NUMBER they continue to think i am lying. the girl gets tons of calls from bill collectors, and they refuse to quit calling my phone as well. random men will call my phone and be like "hey..."
one particularly weird instance was an unknown number calling me at like 4AM after my boyfriend and i had got back from the bar, we were in bed talking, this guy calls and sounds retarded drunk. he goes "hey" and i ask him who he is like 5 times and he murmurs incoherently and finally says "you know who. what are you doing?" and i say "im in bed" at this point, i think it could be a friend or exboyfriend, so i continue talking. i finally realize i have no idea who this guy is and hang up. my boyfriend grabbed the phone and called the guy back and was like "why are you calling my girl?" and the guy - totally sober says "i didnt. sorry man. wrong number."
i believe he has called my phone several times since then.
You did the right thing.
I got a similar call about a survey, I understand what these people with surveys go through to try to get information ect so I decided I would answer the questions.
But then the guy started asking questions that were absolutely disgusting.
There is absolutely no right to sexual harass someone anonymously or not. It is a shame that there are people like that out there. I no longer do surveys.
I know how you feel. I worked for a hotel for about a year and a half a couple years ago, and because hotel clerks tend to be mostly women, we also are targets for pervy calls. During the time I worked for the hotel, I got three such calls, and sadly I fell for it everytime.
One was from a guy who claimed that he was doing surveys for Victoria's Secret and if I completed the survey I would get free underwear and bras. I even gave the jerk my address, and then when my coworker got there to releave me and I told her about it, she told me that this person had called the hotel several times over the years that she had worked there and that he was a pervert. He even called me back a few weeks later to tell me that the colors I had chosen weren't available, and to try and get me to talk to him some more. Because he called me at work, even though I knew he was a perv I still felt like I had to be polite to him.