I'd like to share a story with you, and at the end, I'd like your opinion on how you would have handled the situation, or how you handle similar situations. Here goes:
My boyfriend and I went down to Memphis to visit my sister and her husband for a week. One day we went to the zoo and had a wonderful time seeing all the neat animals and learning fun facts and such. I also learned that I might have CANCER.
While admiring the giraffes, my boyfriend whispered to me that a man was staring at me and talking to his wife. I disregarded this until I felt a hand on my shoulder, pointing to a small mole on the back of my exposed shoulder. "Has this mole always looked like this? Has it changed in shape or color? You may want to have it looked at."
Allow me to begin by saying that I am an introvert. I don't mind large crowds, such as the one at the zoo, but I do value my personal space and don't generally talk to strangers. Yes, i do have a slighty irregularly shaped mole on my shoulder, but I've had it biopsied in the past and my doctor checks it every year at my annual physical. My health is important to me, and I take pride in asking my doctor good questions and keeping up with my body's well being. So for someone to suggest I have skin cancer by touching me and giving me medical advice in a public place was not only extremely embarassing, but insulting as well. Bear in mind this man did not identify himself in any way.
"I don't have cancer!" was my reply, perhaps a bit more hysterical than necessary, but I was caught off guard and not expecting a diagnosis at the zoo. We moved on, but it wasn't long afterward that a woman, his wife, came up to me to apologize. "He's a surgeon, you see, he was just trying to help. But don't worry, he's sometimes wrong."
Great, so this guy, and his wife too apparently, feel I'm in denial. I'm glad she clarified that he was at least a medical professional, but I still fail to see how it is ethical to give unwanted medical advice to a person in a public place even if you think you're doing the right thing. Imagine for a moment I didn't know the mole existed, let alone that it could be malignant. I might begin to fear for my health which would spur me to seek medical attention and get it looked at and removed if necessary. Or, if I'm anything like the 47 million Americans without health coverage, I will probably still worry, but won't do anything about it because I can't afford to. This is my reasoning for why it could be unethical for doctors to dole out their opinions to random people.
After I had rebuffed both the surgeon and his wife, my sister and my boyfriend both looked at me shocked. They felt I had been unreasonably rude to them, that they were just trying to help and I should have been nicer. My defense was that it was equally, if not more rude for him to have come up to me in the first place. I'm not particularly self concious about this mole, (except on the THREE seperate occasions where my boyfriend's aunt has mistook my mole for a fly on my and tried to brush it off) so it wasn't that I was just embarrased he pointed it out, although that didn't help the situation.
So I'd like to know what you think: Did I overreact? Was it okay for me to be upset? My gut is telling me yes, it was okay for me to let them know I was not pleased with their input. I would especially like to hear from any doctors, nurses, ethicists, etc. who might know how situations like this are supposed to be dealt with.
Thank you.
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It's definitely rude, but I don't think it's unethical.
Him touching you out of nowhere is weird, and far more rude than any unwanted medical advice. If you honestly hadn't known about the mole, he would have been doing you a favor, even if you hadn't had health coverage.
I give it an ethical pass.
Its not like he was looking inside your mouth to tell you that you have plaque and tartar, he had a very serious concern, and as a doctor he probably felt some obligation (or force of habit) to tell you.
If he had given you his business card then it would obviously be a little different.
Probably not the way I would have reacted, but that doesn't mean you were wrong. People don't always go to the doctor to get seemingly trivial things like moles checked out, partly because they don't have insurance or don't want the premiums to go up, and partly because they're afraid of discovering that they have cancer or some other life-threatening disease. I don't think he was assuming that you didn't get it checked out but wanted to make sure that you did. It's better to be safe than sorry. He probably could have approached you more gingerly, but I don't think what he did was unethical. But that's me. I don't mind getting help from strangers, even with personal things like health that others might find embarrassing. I'm just thankful for the help.
I have actually had a similar experience. A few years ago I was having lunch with my (now ex) boyfriend and his father and brother when the waitress came over and touched my back and proceeded to tell me that I have some really large moles that I should get checked out and that he aunt's moles looked just like that when she had skin cancer. As if I was unaware of my own moles!
I said nothing but just stared at her horrified. I think that it is completely inappropriate for a stranger (medical professional or otherwise) to draw such attention to my body in public. I understand that in your situation he was just trying to help but really it's none of his business. I also don't think that my (potential) medical problems are anyone's concern and I don't want attention drawn to them in public.
He could have definitely done it better. The touch was way out of line, you should never touch a stranger uninvited. And the way he put it was bad, he should have identified himself as a surgeon and been more respectful. But past that I don't think it's so bad, a lot of people don't have annual physicals, even if they have insurance, and even people without health insurance can get help if they really need to.
I can definitely understand being freaked out, though. Looking back, it's not so bad, but when a stranger violates your personal space, it's hard to not overreact.
I must say that I am a little confused by the "even people without insurance can get help if they really want to." Of course there are places that I can go to without insurance but I don't think it's easy. Healthcare is expensive with or without insurance and I kind of resent the sentiment that if I really want it, accessible affordable healthcare is just out there waiting for me and all I have to do is take advantage of it.
Maybe I am weird or grumpy or something but I just don't want unsolicited medical advice.
I don't think he should have touched you, but as others have said, if you hadn't known about it and it had been cancer, then wouldn't you rather know sooner than later? You say that "I might begin to fear for my health which would spur me to seek medical attention and get it looked at and removed if necessary" - to me, this doesn't seem like such a bad thing. Yes, it's unpleasant but the costs involved in getting it removed, "if necessary", may not be insurmountable - as nightingale pointed out, you can get help if you really need to.
It's always unpleasant if someone touches you without permission, but I think this man really meant well and just went about it the wrong way.
You guys are all missing the point. This guy violated her right to privacy. It's her body, and it's her business what she does with it. Period. The end.
It is also sexist because he is a man and it's his privilege to walk up to a woman and touch her. Because her body is public property.
And the unwanted (and totally unnecessary) advice? This is the same thing as forcing women to "learn" about their fetuses after they've decided to abort. Because we're too dumb to know what's going on with our own bodies. (Also, see right to privacy. That was what Roe v Wade was about.)
Here's an analogy. Let's say I weigh 300 lbs. Someone comes up to me in a public space, and asks me if I've thought about losing weight. You know, for my health? Wrong. My body = my business. Period.
Pretty much everyone on this thread said that he shouldn't have come up and touched her, but the advice itself wasn't unethical.
Your examples don't work. Forcing a woman to learn about her fetus before her abortion is done with the purpose of making her change her mind. It's usually false or very biased information, and it's not given with the health of the woman in mind.
Telling someone they're obese is also different, because it's obvious and it's something they would already know, and have been told many, many times before.
In this case, I can believe that the guy had good (non-sexist) intentions, even if he went about telling her in a completely unacceptable (and quite possibly sexist) way. Skin cancer symptoms are very, very often ignored, and we know that her mole looks cancerous enough that her doctor has to keep an eye on it.
Like I said before: He had good intentions. Of course, we all know what road is paved with those.
I can sort of see what you mean, but who's to say that the man would not have done the same thing if it had been a male in the same situation? Or if it had been a female who had commented? It would still have been an invasion of privacy, but I agree with nattles that while the action may have seemed sexist in this specific context, I don't think it was intended in a sexist way at all, merely as an attempt at helpfulness.
I wouldn't dare call your reaction wrong, because you were in the situation and I wasn't, and your boundaries may very well be different from mine and for good reason. You have a right to feel however you want about it.
I, however, as someone with inconsistent access to medical services, no money, and no health insurance, would LOVE free medical advice from a qualified professional. I have moles on my body that I try to keep track of, but haven't had them asessed by a doctor in several years because of funding problems. Skin cancer runs in my family, and I know that catching it early is crucial. So, if a doctor sees my moles and looks concerned, I welcome her/him to point it out to me so I will know it's time to save up for a biopsy. I would see that doctor as a good samaritan that gave free advice out of concern for a stranger, if at a bad time and place. But not everything can be entirely unproblematic, not even good deeds.
I respect your reaction, and find it totally rational and understandable, but I do hope that if the same Dr. spots a problem with one of my moles he doesn't hesitate to give me that free heads up, fearing a similar reaction.
Don't get me wrong, I highly value privacy and medical confidentiality, but as healthcare is considered a commodity in the US, and it is pretty unavailable to me, I'll take any freebie I can get.
Lots of very useful comments, thanks everyone!