The room was Pepto-Bismol bright pink with books and clothes strewn about in a messy, cant see the floor way. From the various nick-knacks you could tell that the inhabitant was a science-fiction fan, a writer, a believer in unicorns, and lastly a virgin.

Normally, one’s sexual encounters are not obvious in their everyday decorations, but Natalie Holden’s room yells it out from just one wall.

Above the 20-year-old, NYU sophomore’s headboard hangs a hand drawn poster that is almost an exact copy of the poster for the Steve Carrell movie “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” It is almost exact in that where Steve’s face should be appears Holden’s face and where 40 should be there is a bolder, underlined 20.

Holden is still a virgin and everyday when she is forced to open her eyes to the buzzing sound of the alarm clock next to her, she reminds herself of that fact.

An only child, Holden came to NYU from a small city in Georgia where everybody knew and was involved in everyone else’s business. Her adjustment to life in the big city was hard and her adjustment to living with a roommate 24 hours a day was even harder.

A floor mate of Holden’s, Alex Albright, describes her as very quiet, “During the first semester I never even saw her. She had one group of friends and was always with them. I know that she didn’t get a long with her roommate”

Holden’s roommate was constantly going to parties, getting wasted, and having sex; and Holden resented her roommate for it. She thought that was what her college experience was supposed to be and she was sad that it wasn’t shaping up that way at all. When Holden finally talked with her roommate she found out that she wasn’t all that bad. She was smart and, despite all the partying, always put school first.

This was the first time that sex had ever been humanized to Holden. She realized that just because her roommate had lots of sex it didn’t make her a bad person and that opened up Holden’s mind to the idea of having sex and feeling okay about it.

“I used to not care about having sex. I always thought it would just happen,” said Holden, “Now, I just wonder why I am not having sex. People, who aren’t having sex, aren’t having sex for a reason and I want to know what my reason is” said Holden. “Cool, attractive people have sex and lame people don’t.”

Her best friend at NYU, Dane Jerabek, said that Holden’s current issues surrounding sex stem from her insecurities surrounding her body. “She used to be chubby until about 8th grade when she lost all the weight. I think she is still insecure because of that.”

Holden also feels as if she is the only she knows that hasn’t had sex before.

The Journal of Sex Research tells us that in fact only 51% of students entering college have previously been sexually active, meaning that virgins are basically equally numerous as students having sex.     

Every year the Department of Residential Education at NYU does a survey on the perceptions of the entering freshman class. One question asks them to choose the percentage of the freshman class that has or is sexually active and consistently the freshman always choose a number that is much higher than the truth. Nicolas Evans, the director of leadership in the Residential Education department, backed-up Holdens insecurities by saying, “Everyone assumes that everybody else is doing it.”

Holden’s daily life is consumed with thinking about sex. Albright agreed, “She always talks about sex and seems really insecure with herself and sex. She always asks questions that compare herself with others.”

A fellow hall mate, Josh Becker, echoed Holden obsession with sex by saying “she talks about it in order to make herself feel better about being a virgin and because she thinks that people wont like her if they find out she hasn’t had sex before.”

Holden acknowledged those fears, “I just think that people believe it’s pathetic to be a virgin in college, everyone else lost their virginity in high school. Now that I waited, sex is a bigger deal and I want it to mean something as much as I want to get it over with.”

According to the Journal of Sex Research students choose to refrain from having sex because they fear rejection.

Rejection forces one to question their identity and when the rejection is because of a taboo subject such as sex, it can really hurt to wonder what’s wrong with me?

What makes Holden feel that way? To Evans it seems obvious “What is cool? Sex is cool. There is a stigma about having sex and it’s caused by the media and its constant discussion of sex tapes and sex scandals.”

Holden said that media is part of why she feels embarrassed by her virginity. “It is just that sex is everywhere and that makes me feel like I am missing out on a huge part of society and college life in general.”

The pressure created by movies like Animal House, American Pie, and Van Wilder is immense and causes students to have to grow up very fast. Students see sex as a feat to get over as quickly as one possibly can and virgins as losers. In order to change that opinion, a change of perception by the American people is needed and it starts as a grass roots campaign.

“In order to get rid of the stigma attached to abstinence we have to personalize it, we have to hold programs and conversations geared toward staying a virgin rather than just geared toward staying safe,” said Evans.

Holden sticks to her guns about hating her own virginity “Have sex in high school; don’t put sex on a pedestal. If you wait until college, have sex as soon as you can. Lose your virginity right away!”

~Natalie Holden’s name has been changed from its real name to protect her identity~