I just read Charles Blow’s column in the New York Times, “the Demise of Dating” . “The Demise of Dating” is a short piece chronicling the rise of what Mr. Blow calls the “phenomenon” of hooking up on college campuses and in high schools. Mr. Blow made a number of points in his column that I found very problematic.
In his discussion of hooking up, Blow makes some broad generalizations which are sexist and untrue.
“The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse.”
It may be hard to believe, but not every female in college wants a relationship, or even to get married. It really bothers me that this article assumes that men don’t want a relationship. Such assumptions can be harmful to men who do want a relationship. Another problem I had with this article is the assumption that hooking up is restricted to straight people. There is absolutely no discussion of sexual encounters and relationships that do not conform to the heterosexual norm.
The column ends with:
“It used to be that “you were trained your whole life to date,” said Ms. Bogle. “Now we’ve lost that ability — the ability to just ask someone out and get to know them.”
Now that’s sad.”
Why is it a positive thing to train your whole life to date? What does that even mean? If it’s true that less emphasis is placed on dating this days, that doesn’t mean that people under 30 or people who “hook up” have lost all social skills. It is silly to think that it’s necessary to be “trained your whole life” to be able to ask someone out.
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Allow me to be the immature first person to giggle at the fact that his name is "Blow."
Anyhoo.
Yeah, dating can be fun, but usually it's awkward and stressful and frustrating. There are merits to hook-ups. Unless it's some person you're supposed to be "just friends" with and you have to see them the next day, the awkwardness is minimal. If nothing else.
And why must all romantic encounters be approached as part of some mad hunt for a spouse. Even if you ignore the heteronormative assumptions and the heterosexist problems of, hey, if you're gay you're legally barred from having a spouse at all. Not all straight girls are just out trying to trap a husband. And not all straight guys just want pussy. There are boys that want to get married and girls that just want dick.
Choosing not to do something is far different from losing the ability. Jackass.
The last thing I want is a lifelong training session on dating...I have other things to do with my time!
First off, just because you hook up with people doesn't mean you have suddenly lost the ability to get to know someone. wtf is that about?
I think hookups for women should be encouraged. You don't have to date that guy you are attracted to who is kind of a loser. Just sleep with him and be done with it! Own your sexuality!
Personally, I love hookups. You CAN make long-term relationships that way (if you want that). I met my wife that way. Friends with benefits are my favorite kind.
And women get tired of hookups? I haven't, and my wife certainly hasn't. She has the most intense sex drive of anyone I've ever met, be they male or female, gay or straight. For some reason we clicked in just the right way to fall in love and stay there, but had I not showed up I am confident that she would be happily hopping from bed to bed without a long-term relationship today, frolicking like a wild gay pony. :)
She still frolics like a wild gay pony, she just drags me along with her. :P