Why is it that young adults are expected to make life altering decisions, but they're not allowed to make life altering decisions? Since I was a junior in High School (Go Milwaukee High School of the Arts!!!), counselors, teachers, my parents, and my grandmother have been encouraging me to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. However, I guess I missed the memo that said I could only decide on my secondary-education and subsequently, my career. Silly me, I decided to start thinking about everything else -- marriage, where I want to live, children, investing and retirement. Guess which one is the most controversial? Yes, that's right, people have a big problem with my realization that I don't want children. Ever.
"You'll change your mind," they say, brushing my decision off like I've never made a life-altering-decision in my life before. Never mind that choosing a college impacts career choice, impacting future lifestyle, even who I'll encounter on a day to day basis. Never mind that cancer-treatment takes a toll on the body. Now I know plenty of people DO change their mind. "Life happens," a friend said. Is she insinuating that I'm going to get knocked up? Which seems a bit of a far reach, since I'm more than likely sterile and practice safe sex. Seriously, though, I am 100% confident that I will never have a kid. I am 100% confident that I will never regret that decision. I just don't like kids, especially when they start developing an imagination. That sounds terrible, but I'm not going to lie. If I don't like kids now, what makes you think I'm going to like them in five years? Ten years? Am I suddenly going to freak out and get all maternal? And if I do get knocked up, I can't keep the kid. I don't have time for a kid in my life. Either way, there are some people who just shouldn't have kids. You know them, you see them everyday. You think to yourself, 'why did she ever get pregnant?'. I'd be a terrible mother. I don't want to be a good mother. Solution? Don't become a mother. Either way, I'm eighteen. I'm allowed to smoke, which impacts the rest of my life. I'm allowed to marry if I want, which impacts the rest of my life. I'm even allowed to have sex, which could impregnate me, impacting the rest of my life. And I know life happens but what about taking your life by the horns and knowing what you want from it? Doesn't knowing what you want from life mean knowing what you don't want? This reminds me of "He's childless, she's selfish."
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You know, I have three kids. I didn't know I was going to be a mother of three boys. I got pregnant at 19 and made the choice to be a mother.
However, when I see women (and men!) claim they don't want kids, ever, I don't feel you are personally attacking me for my choices. Some, however, feel that way.
"what's wrong with having kids?!"
I come a very pro CHOICE stance where if a woman makes the choice to never have kids, I support that. I support a woman having 10 kids if she is financially and mentally capable of handling it.
I support a woman's/ mother's right to go to work just as I support a woman's/mother's choice to stay home with her kids.
You are 18 years-old, but just from reading your post, you know exactly what it is you want and you don't seem like a foolish nor over emotional dingbat that is unsure of herself.
When people start telling you the "you're young, you'll change your mind" counter with "I'm not too young to vote. I'm note too young to drive. I'm not too young to make my career choice. I'm not too young to enlist in the military"
Follow your dreams and to hell with everyone else! You know yourself better than anyone. It's tough to put up with a constant stream of condescending and patronizing attitudes.
People judged me for having my son at 19. So, apparently you're "too young" to decide whether or not you want kids, but it goes the other way too. They'll think you're "too young" to give birth as well...wtf?
Deciding not to do something that you *could* change your mind about in future decades isn't really life altering. You're not crossing any Rubicon by deciding against something you presumably wouldn't do anyway for several years, and will be capable of doing if you so chose for many many years after. I didn't want kids when I was 18 and I don't now (usually), and like you I'm probably (thankfully) sterile. But while it's perfectly reasonable, responsible and rational for you to plan a future for yourself without kids, you're hardly committing yourself irrevocably. Maybe you'll change your mind, maybe you won't, but it's not like your view at 18 (or mine at 26) commits you to always feeling the same way.
We aren't given the chance to cement our choices regarding this. If we ask for sterilization we get laughed straight out of the doctors office.
Our lack of commitment isn't due to lack of trying.
I agree with aleks -- a lot of the resistance you may be getting is from people who have probably watched lots of friends/family change their minds on all sorts of things.
And your own analogies suggest this, too: the average American changes careers four times; half of American marriages (life-altering decision, if ever there was one) end in divorce; people attempt to to quit smoking (and succeed!) everyday.
Having said that, I applaud you for recognizing your own values in opposition to the majority. There are plenty of people who will be great parents and who will consider it a life-altering decision for the better, but I imagine that the percentage is smaller than the percentage of people who actually have kids, simply because children are touted as so important to the middle-class heterosexual nuclear family.
The real politics of this question is how to make society at large imagine a rewarding life without children, or without marriage, or without sex, or without religion -- because people choose to abstain from each of these things (and more!), but still lead happy and healthy lives. Until then, lots of people will be stuck explaining that they've made their own decisions and are happy with them.
Ok, true, she could change her mind. But so could people who say they DO want to have kids, and nobody assumes they're stupid or naive. I think the amount of flack that childfree women get has a lot to do with social expectations of motherhood, and I don't think the fact that the decision isn't irrevocable makes that any less annoying or anti-choice.
I think the point is it's very patronizing to tell a childfree "you'll change your mind" the way so many people love to do. Especially one who is young and/or female, it's as if they're implying we don't know our own minds or what's best for ourselves.
On my own childfree status a friend of mine once said "Well accidents happen!" to which I replied "And so do abortions!"
Ultimately when it comes to the decision to have children or not, everyone needs to choose what's best for themselves. And every child should be a WANTED child, not a product of societal pressure.
Ok, my other comment didn't stick..or it'll come back and bite me in the butt...at any rate, was able to get what I wrote back:
You know, I have three kids. I didn't know I was going to be a mother of three boys. I got pregnant at 19 and made the choice to be a mother.
However, when I see women (and men!) claim they don't want kids, ever, I don't feel you are personally attacking me for my choices. Some, however, feel that way.
"what's wrong with having kids?!"
I come a very pro CHOICE stance where if a woman makes the choice to never have kids, I support that. I support a woman having 10 kids if she is financially and mentally capable of handling it.
I support a woman's/ mother's right to go to work just as I support a woman's/mother's choice to stay home with her kids.
You are 18 years-old, but just from reading your post, you know exactly what it is you want and you don't seem like a foolish nor over emotional dingbat that is unsure of herself.
When people start telling you the "you're young, you'll change your mind" counter with "I'm not too young to vote. I'm note too young to drive. I'm not too young to make my career choice. I'm not too young to enlist in the military"
Follow your dreams and to hell with everyone else! You know yourself better than anyone. It's tough to put up with a constant stream of condescending and patronizing attitudes.
People judged me for having my son at 19. So, apparently you're "too young" to decide whether or not you want kids, but it goes the other way too. They'll think you're "too young" to give birth as well...wtf?
No, you are not selfish. And yes, you are an adult. No one should try to convince you to reconsider.
I will say, however, that life is unpredictable. As in, not even deliberate sterilization for contraception is 100% certain. You can look it up yourself. You'd need a hysterectomy to be sure. Perhaps I've had unprotected sex with my fiance/wife six times in 13 years. To my knowledge, she has been pregnant four times.
I get the same reactions, plus "you were a kid once... and what if your parents hadn't liked kids?" when I explain that I can't stand children. There are also a lot of assumptions that I am completely beholden to a biological clock and "will want them someday." No, really, I won't. If I want something that drools and is dependent on me, I'll get a dog.
It's so patronizing that everyone assumes that I'll change my mind just because I'm young. No one tells my younger sister, who knows that she'd like kids someday, that she's going to change her mind.
Exactly. How many people HAVE had kids, then wished they hadn't? Well, you will never really know because it is such a taboo in this culture to admit not being 100% happy with anything to do with parenting. Look at the news headlines and it becomes obvious that the biggest threat to the safety of children often comes from their own parents. As sad as that is it is more distressing that some people will relentlessly try to convince someone to have a child even if they really don’t want one. It is the default decision for most people and people who have decided they don’t want children have typically put more thought into it than the average person who has them ‘just because it’s what you do’. You aren't harming anyone with your choice. And so what if you do change your mind? What I resent is the statement that you WILL change your mind as though becoming a mother is imperative. There are plenty of childfree people who were early articulators (I am one and I’m almost 40 and happily married for almost 9 years) who have known since they were little that children weren’t something they were interested in as a lifestyle.
It’s also very aggravating that men do not seem to have the same barriers in front of them when they seek sterilization that we do. This is based on my experience as well as about 4 others that I know. My husband is 4 yrs younger than me and 2 years ago he walked out of his doctor’s office with a referral in hand. I’ve not known one woman who didn’t have to go through hell to get a tubal, assuming she was able to find a doc willing to do it at all if she didn’t already have kids.
Sometimes it has to be as simple as telling bullies that this topic isn’t up for discussion. If that doesn’t work and they slyly smile and wink and tell you that ‘accidents do happen’………..tell them yes, and so do abortions. That will get you some quiet for a while at least.
Also, as far as the 'selfish' label goes, determining what kind of life you want is one area where everyone is absolutely entitled to be selfish. All choices about lifestyle are selfish to some degree. Having kids because you want to be a mom is selfish because it is being done to fulfill your own desires. Not having kids because you don't wantt o raise one is also selfish for the same reason and there isn't anything wrong with either of them. Sometimes it's really okay to just think about what you want out of life.
Also, as far as the 'selfish' label goes, determining what kind of life you want is one area where everyone is absolutely entitled to be selfish. All choices about lifestyle are selfish to some degree. Having kids because you want to be a mom is selfish because it is being done to fulfill your own desires. Not having kids because you don't wantt o raise one is also selfish for the same reason and there isn't anything wrong with either of them. Sometimes it's really okay to just think about what you want out of life.
oh crap, sorry for the double post....I didn't see any comments for the longest time and thought something messed up.....
childfree ftwwww!
One thing that does irk me about this is the lack of respect on both sides. As part of various LJ childfree communities (childfree. cf_hardcore) I encounter pretty ugly statements. "Why couldn't she just keep her legs closed?" Ugh. Theres feminist childfree and theres I'maflamingdouche childfree. "I wish sterilization was required!" Why, just like you'd love for them to make baby birthin' a requirement?
Thanks for seemingly being a good representation for our cause =D
My mom used to tell me, "It's different when it's your kid," when I told her I found children annoying. And that may be true, but what the heck was I going to do if I had a child and it wasn't true? Hardly seems fair to the child...
Honestly, I *do* find other kids annoying....I really can't tolerate anyone else's kids. Except babies, I really love babies.
It is my personal belief that asking someone about their plans for children is way more inappropriate than asking who they voted for (and that one is kind of pushing it for me).
There are so many things you can't know, even with your close friends. By asking someone if they are planning to have kids, you may be forcing them to come up with some answer to hide the truth. Here are some true answers that people don't want to talk about:
*I don't want to have kids, and everyone judges me for it.
*I don't want to have kids right now, I am in an unhappy marriage.
*I don't want to have more kids, because I suffered such depression after the last one and I can't go through that again.
*I don't know if I can have more kids, we had to use infertility treatments and I don't want to keep feeling like a failure.
*I don't want more kids, I like the one I have, and no, I don't believe I should have another "in case something happens to the first one."
My truth: My husband and I can't handle the thought of another miscarriage and the child we have is exactly who we want.
People treat asking about reproduction as though it were neutral, like asking about the weather. I wish people would think first then keep their mouths shut. If you want to open your mouth, ask only about the child you see in front of you, and even then, just ask, "How are you doing? Do you need help? Do you want to talk?"
I actually don't find it offensive for someone to ask if I have kids or if we plan to. What pisses me off is when I answer and someone takes it upon themselves to lecture me about my decision just because it isn't the same one they made/would make. That's when the line is crossed and I really don't bother holding my tongue anymore, either.
I want kids. I *really* want kids. But a lot of my friends don't. At first I felt really bad. Not for their decision, but for mine. It made me feel misplaced. Like I was being scorned for even thinking about kids. Now I know that some people are meant to have them, and some aren't. I realized that, unlike my other friends, I'm very maternal. It's even the joke that I'm the mom in the group. And there's nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing wrong with not wanting kids. If you don't think you're up to it, you're probably not.
I think since you are 18 it is fair to say that you could change your mind at some point, but I'm not saying you will.
It doesn't get any easier as you get older. I am 30 and people are starting to ask- I've got that "clock" you know? I haven't ruled out having a kid 100%, but I couldn't decide if I wanted one until I found someone I wanted to make one with. And if that happened, I'm not sure I would chose in favor of having a kid. I don't think it's for me.
But in terms of it being a "selfish" decision- DO NOT LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE. It is far less selfish to not have a kid. I don't know if you have studied economics, but there is such a thing as "external costs"- when people make decisions that benefit them but the rest of society pays many of the costs. Kids come with loads of them- environmental costs, natural resource strain, education, health care, the list goes on. It is just as selfish if not more so to have a kid than to not have one.
I'm childfree too. I took a painting class at my college last year. Art classes are very relaxed and students tend to chat. I mentioned that I never wanted children. A woman said "Oh, when you get older you'll be dying to have one." She also said something similar when I said I was an atheist. That I'd "realize the truth" when I'm older. I wished I said "Since when are you psychic?"
Oh and I feel I should add this. The topic came up when a male classmate who was about my age said the same thing that he didn't want children. However this woman didn't tell him that he was going to be dying for one when he gets older.
I'm childfree too. I took a painting class at my college last year. Art classes are very relaxed and students tend to chat. I mentioned that I never wanted children. A woman said "Oh, when you get older you'll be dying to have one." She also said something similar when I said I was an atheist. That I'd "realize the truth" when I'm older. I wished I said "Since when are you psychic?"
I know what you mean. Well I personally am not 100% against having kids ever, I doubt that I want them. People act like I'm crazy when I tell them that cats make me happier than any baby ever could - but it is the truth. I simply know myself. Only you can know what is the best path for you. These people are condescending and full of shit, pay them no mind.
I feel the same about my dogs!!!
I agree that if you feel you wouldn't be a good parent and you don't want to be a good parent, you made the right choice in not wanting to be a parent.
I have made the decision to stop after 2 kids and it really pisses me off when I have boyfriends or funny little men at work telling me that I need to have at least one more if not a dozen to make my life complete. I don't think I should have to agree to have one more baby just to get a boyfriend to commit. He can raise mine or find someone else to have his babies for him. I don't like babies who are helpless, I like toddlers with a personality and the ability to go in the toilet and not their pants. That is my choice.
I have one word for you: DITTO.
I am also 18, and I started thinking about my future in ways unrelated to my career early in high school. Although I do hope to get married some day (in the VERY distant future) I NEVER EVER want kids.
I share the same reasons you do. I am far too concerned with my future career to have children. I don't particularly like children. I find them, for the most part, to be annoying and come with a sense of entitlement. I do not want to concern myself with someone else's bodily fluids. I have no desire to suffer 12+ hours of unadulterated hell that is labor following 9 months of discomfort that is pregnancy. Furthermore, there are WAY too may people on the planet already. There's no reason to add one more, and if for some crazy reason my plans change, I'd rather adopt a child.
But I, like you, find that everyone (and I mean LITERALLY EVERYONE) brushes my plan aside. I constantly hear, "Oh, you'll change your mind," or "Oh, no, you'll have kids one day. Just you wait."
It really bugs me when my friends say things like this. I certainly don't tell them that they'll change their minds about allowing a noisy, ungrateful mooch of a child into their lives for at least 18 years. Why is my position so absurd?
And the "selfish" argument. I agree with buggie 100%. I believe it IS more selfish to have kids than not, in some ways, particularly in regard to the environment and society as a whole.
I'm childfree also. I decided around 12 or 13 that I did not ever want children. People told me I'd change my mind. At 25 I still don't want kids. I find it condesending for people to tell me that I'll change my mind. I've gone to college, joined the military, and traveled the world; what makes these people think I can't make an informed descion whether to procreate or not. If I was trying to get pregnant no one would be telling me I'd want to get rid of the kid in a few years.
I also can't stand the people who think I hate children. I like them. I love playing with my nephew, and am busy spoiling him and his new born sister. I just don't want kids of my own. I'll play with them, or babysit for a while, and then send them back to their parents.
I found a great social group for child-free people in my town. I think I'm probably the youngest person there, but it's great to have some friends who aren't into the whole making babies scene.
I would say that I decided a long time ago that I didn't want children, but that would imply that I might have wanted them at some point. I never ever pictured myself having children. What a bummer fantasy that would be! That's not to say that I don't like kids. I work with kids and parents, and the kids are much cooler than the parents. But I get the same bullshit from family and friends sometimes. They tell me I'd change my mind. Hey, nobody said that to me when I was 4 years old and said I wanted to be a butterfly when I grew up. Anyway, I think "you'll change your mind" is code for "But I want grandkids," or whatever the case may be.
I'm 24, and when my parents casually tell me that I will change my mind about something that I am very sure of, I believe them. I find it odd that when the vast majority of the responses you get from older people are "you'll change your mind" you don't think that they might have a reason for saying that. Perhaps many other people have declared something similar and then changed their minds. I'm certainly not saying that you will or should change your mind. But I'm not sure why you think you know what you'll want later in life. People change. You might not, but you have no way of knowing that right now. When I was 10 I thought I would never like girls. When I was 15 I thought I would never like tomatoes. When I was 21 I was certain I wanted to be a lawyer. I've learned to stop thinking I know anything certain about what the future holds.
And as far as the biological imperative, everyone who exists comes from an unfathomably long line of successful procreators. Every ancestor of yours for millions of years managed to have children. That's a big trend to break.
Some things you can be pretty reliably sure of. Somethings are just so opposed to who you are (ever) and what you want. I will go on the record to say with certainty, that I will never want kids. Or to join a square dancing group. Or enjoy soap operas. None of those things interest me. I'm sure there are things you're certain about? Maybe that you wouldn't, say, join the KKK? Or give up all your possessions and live under an overpass?
and as far as biological imperatives go, it's a bit less impressive as a trend when you consider that it's only recently that we've managed safe, reliable birth control.
All I'm saying is that there's nothing wrong with saying "you might change your mind." Now saying "you WILL change your mind" or something like that might be more inappropriate. But just suggesting that someone who's 20 years old might not know what they will want after they've lived the equivalent of another whole lifetime doesn't seem condescending to me. How long can an 18 year old have been thinking with mature seriousness about things like having children? Even if it was since they were 8 years old, they still have twice as long to keep thinking about it as they've already had. If it's only been 5 years, or 3 years, they have many, many times that long to gain more insight and develop new attitudes. It's not ridiculous to think that one's whole world view will change as they gain new experiences and new responsibilities.
All I'm saying is that I doubt everyone's absolute certainty. Maybe you'll end up being right and thinking the same thing forever. But you just can't know that with such certainty. Maybe I'll be pretty sure about my political views when I'm 40, and then when I'm 80 I'll decide that I was all wrong when I was such a young naive 40 year old. Thinking that one has all the knowledge they will ever need to make a decision with absolute certainty after finishing high school is a little arrogant in my opinion. Of course you make life-changing decisions all the time. If you ever regret any decision you've ever made, it's prima facie evidence of your own fallibility.
Yeah, but the question here isn't just about whether a young woman who says she doesn't want children has the necessary knowledge to make this kind of choice. Presumably she has or will quickly develop the maturity to handle the consequences of her decisions; this is part of being a competent adult. These comments, often made by strangers or acquaintances, imply that she lacks that maturity. It doesn't really matter whether she changes her mind down the road; the comments are rude, and voicing them displays an impressive dearth of humility.
I have to admit, often the first thing that goes through my mind when young adults announce that they don't want kids is, "Yeah, now. What about in ten years?" Given how many people do eventually change their minds, it isn't an entirely unreasonable thought. The difference is, I know how to keep my mouth shut. I understand that I may be wrong, that my knowledge and experience have limits. I also understand that I have no right to comment so flippantly on their personal choices or try to save them from their "bad" decisions.
Which is why the key question for me here isn't about having children or not - although that is, of course, important. It's about respecting another human being's competence and, when you're on the receiving end of these inane comments (on kids, marriage, career, whatever), asserting your own. It isn't your job to make anyone else happy with your decision. It isn't even your job to make anyone else believe you. Ironically, as soon as you refuse to defend your position to anyone who has no right to demand that kind of explanation, you start to look a lot more serious, and you're likely to be a lot happier.
As one poster already suggested, remove the topic from discussion with strangers and with anyone who can't take you seriously as an adult. A close friend or relative may deserve your attention. (Like doubleb, I have parents who have proved themselves capable of dealing with my decisions about my life, so when they want to talk with me about their concerns, I listen.) That attention, though, is contingent on their ability to deal with you as a fully competent adult who may or may not someday change her mind but will be able to deal with the consequences of either outcome, rather than as a child who just doesn't know what's good for her.
I guess we just have different instincts about the tone that these comments inherently carry. When someone tells me "you'll change your mind" in this context, I assume it's because of the colloquial knowledge that young people often change their minds about things like this, and that it's not really a statement about my competence or maturity, or lack thereof.
If you have the intuition that that comment is condescending or specifically implies that the person lacks maturity, then I can see where it would be taken as rude.
So I suppose one could have either reaction, but I still would advice against getting offended without figuring out whether an insulting implication was really there.
And as far as the biological imperative, everyone who exists comes from an unfathomably long line of successful procreators. Every ancestor of yours for millions of years managed to have children. That's a big trend to break.
Never mind that she has very clearly stated she doesn’t want children and why. Never mind that other older posters are reporting still getting those comments (when, exactly when are you old enough to know what’s best for yourself?). And, never mind that she clearly stated she is a cancer survivor that most likely cannot conceive anyway (probably ruling out the “successful procreation” even if she did want children, which she does not – that doesn’t even touch on how thoughtless that remark is to adopted families). Don’t let that keep you from your insensitive, presumptuous remarks, though.
It’s people like you that she and these other child-free posters are talking about, you know.
I know it's people like me. That's why I'm defending myself.
Regardless, the only thing I meant from pointing out the biological imperative argument is that there is an inherent desire to procreate in animals. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many of them. I got the impression that people were suggesting that there was no inherent impulse to reproduce; which I disagree with.
I don't think that can be insensitive or presumptuous since I'm just making a claim about the nature of animals. If I wasn't clear and seemed to be saying something else, I apologize. I didn't mean to say anything insensitive.
Some things you can be pretty reliably sure of. Somethings are just so opposed to who you are (ever) and what you want. I will go on the record to say with certainty, that I will never want kids. Or to join a square dancing group. Or enjoy soap operas. None of those things interest me. I'm sure there are things you're certain about? Maybe that you wouldn't, say, join the KKK? Or give up all your possessions and live under an overpass?
--------------------
Sure, one can have an absolute certainty about almost anything.
However, there are some things I've learned in just 10 years. I've cared for terminally ill patients, including my uncle. I've given birth to three boys, got married, and was diagnosed with breast cancer.
We can never know what the future holds for us. Ever. We can say , with conviction, "I will never want kids". And right now, no one has any right to convince you otherwise.
It is YOUR choice that at this point in your life, as far as you know, you don't want kids.
I'm not going to be the one that smiles smugly and tell you you'll change your mind. It's not my place.
If you don't want kids, great! Go out and see the world. In all honesty, I wouldn't change my life one bit, but I envy those that are child free and able to go see the world.
I willingly gave up my childhood when I became a mother. I don't regret it. But I always tell those younger than myself, enjoy life while you can.
There's plenty of time to have kids and family. If you never want kids, hey...that's cool too...
There I go, getting long winded again!
All I ask, is that if you make the choice to be child free, don't judge those of us that chose a different path.
Don't call me selfish for having children. Thanks.
I don't think choosing to become a parent is a bad decision. That's kind of the big thing about being childfree: you respect our decision, we respect yours. :)
The absolute worst advice I've ever heard is "Oh, you'll change when you have your own." My mother sure didn't. Or if she did it was for the worst. She never wanted kids and she got talked into it. She was an abusive and negligent alcoholic. All three of us kids have severe mental illness as a result of her parenting. Two of us have recurring suicidal tendencies. My brother can also be violent. I wish I was never born. I wish my mother had never had me. Please don't let anyone change your decision, ver., if you don't feel like it. I had a tubal ligation so I could avoid falling in love and making the same stupid mistake as my mother.
The absolute worst advice I've ever heard is "Oh, you'll change when you have your own." My mother sure didn't. Or if she did it was for the worst. She never wanted kids and she got talked into it. She was an abusive and negligent alcoholic. All three of us kids have severe mental illness as a result of her parenting. Two of us have recurring suicidal tendencies. My brother can also be violent. I wish I was never born. I wish my mother had never had me. Please don't let anyone change your decision, ever, if you don't feel like it. I had a tubal ligation so I could avoid falling in love and making the same stupid mistake as my mother.
Thank you Dominique for being so poignant. As hard as your childhood must have been and the continuing effects you have felt into adulthood, you make a great point. If someone doesn't want kids, why would ANYONE push them into it?? It's just asking for a bad situation!
I'm 38, and from that distance, I can tell you the one thing most 18 year olds share is absolute certainty, whereas the older I get, the less certain I am of everything.
I remember what I was like at 18, and I can pretty much guarantee you'll change your mind about several things you now consider to be incredibly important (or at least change your mind about thinking they're important).
Of course, I also remember that, at 18, I wouldn't have listened to me at 38, so I mostly keep my mouth shut.
But, if asked, my advice to any 18 year old would be to not do anything irrevocable. Not that anyone's ever asked.