I was watching the news in Dallas last night, and I saw a segment about a nine year old boy named Alex Greven who wrote a book about dating called "How to Talk to Girls."
What initially caught my attention was not that a 9 year old boy is being touted as a dating guru, but how adults are treating him like some prodigy. The news achors and his teacher were simply amazed at his ability to parrot back sterotypes about heterosexual dating norms. I don't see this kid as being particularly precocious or intuitive just because he can articulate what he observes from watching tween sitcoms on the Disney Channel. The book is chock full of such gems as "About 75% of regular girls ditch boys; 98% of pretty girls ditch boys." WTF? First of all, where the hell did this statistic come from and futhermore, how many times has this kid told a classmate whether or not she was a "regular girl" or a "pretty girl"? Now I know what people will say: "What's the big deal? It's just a cute, harmless little thing." "You don't have to analyze every little thing from a feminist standpoint." I think it IS important. This kid's book was sold at his school's book fair and now he's got a deal with Harper Collins. It won't take long till it's a part of the assigned reading in elementary schools. Since it's written for kids by kids, it's given a higher authoritative value. He describes getting the girl that you have a crush on as "winning the victory." He goes on to say "Winning the victory is a dream for most boys, but it is very rare." My feathers would be less ruffled if he had talked about the fact that boys and girls are interested in a lot of the same things or that a boy and a girl can be just friends without romantic undertones. Go to the link and check out the excerpt. What do you think about little Romeos and their pigtailed Juliets?
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Well, pretty girls … all they care about is their looks.
I think it's just as sad that he is in the fourth grade and is already discussing dating so seriously. Please, it's bad enough romance and coupledom is such a central focus in high school and beyond..but fourth grade dating advice? Go play some kickball or something.
(He's just jealous the pretty girls don't like him back ;-p)
Yeah--I read the article on MSNBC, and it was funny. Seriously, I didn't think about dating when I was 8. But he does say that regular girls can be pretty, but pretty girls are vain, to draw the distinction.
Couldn't a teacher, or a parent or someone have edited this? I mean, "winning the victory"? What else would you win, a defeat? I know he's just 9, but that's just the point, someone should catch weird syntax while kids are young. This is how we ended up with Sarah Palin.
But yeah, this is dumb. It's just... why are people promoting this?
This. *edits poor writing with red pen*
Also...ugh!
Ugh. Seriously.
Kids are starting to become involved in romantic relationships younger and younger all the time. When I was in 4th grade, there was one couple in the entire elementary school "dating". It was the talk of the school because it was just so strange. My sister is 5 years behind me in school, and went to the same elementary school I did. When I went back for an ice cream social fundraiser event (she was in 5th grade, I was a senior in high school at the time), I was struck by how much high school-style drama was going on. The only thing the girls seemed to care about were what boys had shown up and they were dressed in much more mature clothes than any of my friends had at that age. My sister told me that most of those girls had had at least one date already, and a couple of them claimed to have some serious make-out sessions...IN FIFTH GRADE. I was shocked and appalled.
There has been a lot of pressure on young people recently to grow up faster, mostly because the education and employment worlds are getting so competitive. But it's also spreading to social aspects. Now for a lot of girls maturity lies in sexuality, and the boys of course are embracing that. I'm happy to say that my sister has been very smart about things and has had one boyfriend so far in her 15 years, and in general is very picky about who she spends time with. But the fact that most of her classmates are not so fortunate saddens me.
There has been a lot of pressure on young people recently to grow up faster, mostly because the education and employment worlds are getting so competitive.
But I think it has more to do with marketing. Teens became the hot demographic in the 80s - before that advertisers assumed that they didn't have their own money to spend so they were largely ignored. Now that demographic is maxed out so they're looking to expand. That accounts for the expansion into the "tween" demographic 8-10 years ago, and now the expansion into the 7-10 y/o group. Using sexuality and relationship anxiety as a driving force behind marketing (manufacturing anxiety about their appeal in their peer group for them) is a classic way to motivate the product that you're selling. It's cynical and cold, I realize, but that's how it works.
Barnes and Noble's has the first chapter for viewing, btw.
I read about this a few days ago and found the excerpt. Ug! So many things bothered me. The fact that it's promoting heteronormativity at first. Then the assumption that males and females can't be *just friends*. And the "crush" in preschool that he had to "get over". And that girls are a VICTORY! Last I checked, they were people... ::sigh::
And to back up Hannah, my little brother is 6 grades behind me (and now graduated), and even HE had "serious" girl friends in 4th and 5th grade. When he was in Jr High he bought a girl a Promise Ring because she wanted it (the virginity one, not the engagement jr one)... and don't even get me started on the High School drama, I think my rant it's best summed up by my mother's comment (and y'all's reaction to it) "he's such a stud, but he only dates sluts. What is up with that boy?"
Part of it I thought was good - I mean, he tells boys that it's a good idea to ask the girls about what they like, when you want a girl to like you that you should get to know her, and that you shouldn't be mean and tease her if you like her and stuff like that, so it's not all terrible.
That said, he's not really a dating "expert". I think it's the whole idea of such a young kid telling other young kids about love. We are often shocked at the knowledge these kids have about sexuality and love and what it means to them.
Man, the drawings are so cute, though.
He really is parroting back heterosexual norms, and it's kinda missing the other side (of the hetero coin). I think that he really needs an education on the whole concept of "girls as people", because while he seems to get the basics down (ask them questions and get to know them!), as soon as he "wins the victory", he seems to forget that they're people (most boys can only hold onto girls for 30 days in elementary school).
I don't know. I don't feel like it's going to become a classroom primer or anything; it's just annoying that it's getting so much attention.
It really is a part of this disturbing trend that turns kids into teenagers at a younger and younger age. I think a lot of it has to do with marketing (adults are supposed to think it's cute when 7 y/os act like 16 y/os) and the tv programming that kids watch. I can't believe some of the really adult themes that make their way into the "tween" programming on Nick and other kids stations that is now also watched by kids as young as 3 and 4. What do we expect already? When I'm shopping for my 13 m/o daughter and they have shorts that say "hottie" and "princess" on the ass(!) it becomes pretty clear that no age is too young to be sexualized and commodified.
I wonder how much of the rest of it comes from homophobia, making kids feel pressured to "prove they're straight" at earlier ages?
Another thought, what would be the response if it were a little girl with a book called, "How to Talk to Boys?" Something tells me that the media wouldn't think it was just as cute or harmless. There's no female equivalent for the term "ladies' man" that is as endearing. New headline?
Little Miss Heartbreaker pens dating primer.
This was my thought too. I'm sympathetic to the pain of dating, but I'm really tired of the script.
And would the hypothetical book for little girls make superficial distinctions between boys by separating them into popular boys and regular boys? Or sporty boys and regular boys? And it's sad that girls this young are already learning that looks are the most important.
Because at that age the ONLY reason why pretty girls act would act and differently is because little boys treat them special.
The little author would be branded a slut. No doubt.
I hate this kid. Maybe I don't hate HIM all that much but I hate the environment that allows this crap to prosper and grow. He's just parroting gender stereotypes and including illustrations. I don't find anything "cute" about little boys learning to view girls are The Other and then teaching their peers about it. Ugh.