Last night I was sitting in an AA meeting. There were about 50 people there, only five of whom were women. I have known about the gender disparities within AA for some time, so this was nothing new to me. However, one comment seemed to highlight that.
A man, probably in his 50s, was speaking when another guy fell asleep only to wake himself up by mumbling something. The older man said something about how he often puts women to sleep, but if it happens again, "I'll do what I did to those women, and have my way [with you]." The comment was inappropriate to say the least, but what really bothered me was the number of young men who laughed uproariously.
Last I checked there was nothing funny about rape; last I checked having your way with someone while he/she was asleep is rape.
At the end of the meeting the chair announced that there was a men's phone list. I leaned over and mentioned that there is also a women's phone list. He replied that there "weren't any women here." Clearly there were since I was there, and I was not the only woman.
Personally, AA has been pivotal in my healing, but some still cling to the gender roles that make AA masculine--thus leaving out many people.
Does anyone else have similar experiences?
0 TrackBacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry: Gender and AA.
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://www.feministing.com/cgi-bin/movabletype/mt-tb.fcgi/10745
Weekly Feministing Newsletter
Feministing RSS Feed
I thought those groups were all about communicating. Did you speak up after that rape comment?
If not, will you bring it up at the next meeting?
Perhaps pointing out that many males and females who have been raped or molested are now alcoholics in recovery who don't appreciate the trigger or the dismissal?
I'm just confused how he could say with no further comment that there weren't women there if there clearly were. I'm not sure what to make of that. Was he confused, or trying to suggest something? I don't get it.
He meant to say that there weren't enough women there to warrant a comment, I think.
As for the guy, another woman is going to speak to him. I am 23, and he is in his 50s, so I am not sure if he will take me seriously. One of his peers, my sponsor is going to speak with him.
But you're right that many people have experienced sexual assault, which is why it is troubling.
At 23, you are an adult. I highly recommend speaking up for yourself.
As a 22 year old adult, I'll chip in that it is important to speak up for yourself, but there's an awful lot of 50 year old men that don't give a flip when you do.
Some do care, and will listen. But I wouldn't bet Mr. Rape Jokes are Funny is in that category.
Good luck.
I think you should find another meeting!
Every AA group is not for every person. Find a group that is relevant and works for you. Not every group will work.
I find groups with a bunch of old men (50+) just don't work for me. The guys can be offensive, rude, unenlightened. However you want to say it, they have way different (wrong of course) thoughts then I do about everything.
My goal is sobriety.
I hear what you're saying. I have been going to this meeting for awhile now, and for the most part I really like it. It's the only one with people close to my age; there is a wide range there (though I am probably the youngest regular). I don't live in a large town, so there are limited options.