I find that it depends on certain specific issues.

I can't stand social conservatives, but I can deal with fiscal conservatives as long as we don't talk politics. I can't date someone who doesn't believe in abortion, because there's always a chance the issue might come up and if I need an abortion I don't want to have to deal with my boyfriend being a bitch about it. I can't date someone opposed to gay rights, for obvious reasons. I can't date someone sexist.

I think the main rule is that if your differing views will directly affect your life together (i.e. the abortion example, or if he disapproves of your gay friends) there's a good chance it's not going to work. Other things you can either learn to enjoy arguing about or just not discuss.

The problem is that the Republican party is hardly the party of fiscal conservatism these days. So that rationale doesn't make much sense. There has to be SOMETHING else that would make your boyfriend vote for McCain/Palin or any other random Republican.
So the GOP is far from fiscally conservative AND it is strongly pro-war, anti-gay, anti-environment, anti-feminist, white supremacist, etc. How could someone who's at least sympathetic to feminism justify voting for a ticket with such an anti-woman platform as McCain/Palin?

I can't imagine dating someone who wasn't as passionate about socially liberal causes as I am. I can tolerate some disagreement about other issues (small vs large gov't, taxes, etc) but someone who chose small government over basic GLBT rights would not be my partner for long.

Essentially, fundamental disagreement on some issues is an absolute dealbreaker. For example, if my boyfriend thought that welfare/other forms of "forced charity" was unnecessary/wrong/theft from people who "deserved" it, he wouldn't be my boyfriend any more. I think that attitudes like that show a serious lack of care for our fellow human beings (who just happen to be less lucky than us) and I think that a person with that attitude would be less caring in general, which is not something that I find desirable.

From my personal experience, bipartisan dating is possible. My boyfriend of over 4 years and I have differing political views and generally vote differently. However, we live in Canada where the Conservative party is generally more centrist than the Republican Party.

While my boyfriend isn't as involved in various human rights causes as I am, he wholeheartedly supports me.

We may not always see eye to eye, but that makes for interesting debates. Plus, we learn a lot from each other.

So, as long as you're both willing to respect each other's opinions, I think it's totally possible. But I guess it's up to you and whether or not you can live with the fact that he voted for McCain.

I still wonder how it is that the socially liberal (or least those that lean left on social issues)/fiscal conservatives, can still side with the Republicans on economic issues, when they can see how 8 years of Republican economic policy totally fucked up our country?
When are they going to get a clue that "trickle down" economic doesn't trickle down, that the upper classes (top one percent of households) needs to pay their fair share in taxes, that universal health care saves the middle class a fortune, and that deregulating the markets leads to cooked corporate book and mortgage chaos?
I don't see how anyone who calls themselves a fiscal conservative could want to be a Republican?
The Republican party is strictly for those who are hard right on social issues, wants a theocracy, and hates all sex that isn't done strictly to procreate.

I tried dating someone who was conservative. We started out "joking" about our difference, but there was some real venom behind that supposed lighthearted fun and we both kind of knew it. It didn't last at all and ended up being an emotional disaster for other reasons, but the experience definitely makes me doubt that I could date someone who differed with me too much. What "too much" is would depend on the person, I suppose.

You know, I really thought about this this year. I dated a guy for a couple years who also identifies with what he says are general Republican values, though he is socially liberal. However, we broke up very early in 2008, and I began dating my current boyfriend, who is very liberal like me. Around election time, the few times I talked to my ex-boyfriend I realized that our differences in political beliefs would've been a big deal because anyone who could vote for John McCain clearly does not care as much about social issues as I do.

Also, it was around the election that it was reinforced that my current boyfriend is perfect for me. :-)

This past year all of the election issues and debates (more so those between friends than those between pres./v.p. candidates) helped me strengthen my personal views and vigor for social justice. I found myself verbally proclaiming several times that I could never date someone who didn't see, or feel, importance in ethical justice--more so voted for such a disgraceful ticket across all boundaries.
In your situation it seems like you hold similar views on (relationship) compatibility importance. The thing is, we need to realize that generalizing a group of people (ex: those crazy right wingers) is never a good idea.
He seems to share some similar views with you, but you are wary of how he weighs these issues in order of importance & develops his life view?
Honestly, what this situation needs is a little bit of evaluation from a more basic point of view. Rather than asking yourself "if" questions about the relationship, try asking "how" and "why" questions. How does this difference affect your relationship? Why does it bother you? (seems obvious, but the answer can lead you to another series of questions) Why did you post about this issue? Was it something that really does bother you more than you are letting yourself believe?
As humans, we have a strong sense of intuition. We can feel when things are right or wrong for the most part. To me, this is the best measurement of overcoming our tendencies to convince ourselves situations are a certain way. I have recently realized how different and beautiful each person is and how we each, in turn, affect one another differently and beautifully. Don't settle for
someone who doesn't FEEL perfect for YOU, someone who doesn't make you feel you are at your best and rawest form when you are with them. Who doesn't make you feel like you are compromising yourself in any way for them.
It just may be the case that this issue isn't something that affects your relationship, but chances are if it bothers you enough to write this post, it may be.

Is it really realistic and/or healthy to demand someone be a member of the DFL or Greens in order to date me?

Of course. If you can't find somebody who has the same beliefs as you do, then the best you can do is find someone who respects your values (and vice versa).

I think that depends on how political you are. I can't even date a conservative democrat.

I find it comical that there are so many Republicans who still think their party is fiscally conservative and all about small gov't. Are they paying attention at all?

This is a great topic and one I've really been considering lately. Basically, I feel there are a few core issues that my partner and I must agree on because the values are so important to me. Smaller things can be disagreed on.

But there is still so much gray. What if the person is awesome in pretty much every other way, but votes Repub? When, if ever, is it okay to throw away an otherwise great relationship over political views? I think my answer (for now) is that since political views reflect personal values, those differing values would affect the relationship in other ways than politics.

This post made me think of the movie "The Way We Were." Not everyone feels compelled to be political. Life is short to do the things we are not into.

On the other hand, I also have a hard time imagining dating someone who is, in the fundamental sense, against my rights. I cannot reconcile that any way I look at it. Luckily, I don't have to. There is a book All's Fair: Love, War and Running for President by Carville and his wife which describes what it's like when a Democrat and Republican of high profile marry. See what you might be up for.

The way I see it is this: a relationship should be about mutual respect. If you're not capable of fully respecting someone who doesn't share the same political beliefs as yourself I don't think it will work, because fundamental respect issues breed contempt, and contempt is a relationship killer. The way contempt works is that eventually you find yourself to be better than the other person in the relationship, and once that happens it's all downhill.

My parents have pretty different political beliefs and they've been married for 25 years, but they respect each other and they don't take politics to heart. The way people act, feel, and think is so much more complicated than red and blue, and I had hoped this year's election changed that perception, but it really hasn't.

Here's an interesting question, though: when you think about the actual influence one vote has versus the power of individual actions at a more local level how important is one's political affiliation? Does a Republican vote equal intolerance? I don't think so necessarily. I'm sure there are people who voted for McCain and against Prop 8, or fiscal conservatives who are privately incredibly generous. The way we feel about tackling social issues isn't strictly limited to the government, so I'd say it's hard to write someone off even if they are a fiscal conservative so long as their private actions reflect social consciousness and a willingness to help people.

To put it another way, would you rather date a generous fiscal conservative or a fiscal liberal who never gives to charity?

Too much is put into political affiliation these days. I find values to be so much more important. If this guy shares your values I don't see where the issue is in your relationship. It's not like he alone gets to decide who the president is.

This is of course only my opinion, and I am going to keep it short and to the point.

I could never date someone who affiliates themselves in any way to the current Republican party. All of my core values and beliefs are so liberal, and so vital to who I am, I know I could not be with someone who opposed those on any level. Especially someone who voted for McCain/Palin for any reason. Be friends with, where you can avoid certain topics, absolutely, but be intimate or romantic with, no way.

And as far as marriage goes, I don't want to spend the rest of my life avoiding topics with someone I see everyday. Especially when the topics are so important to me. I am not saying your partner has to agree with you on everything, but I would say on all the major issues, it is a must. (Ok, not so short, sorry)

It's possible but it doesn't sound like a recipe for happiness.

I challenge anyone who thinks any Republican from Nixon on actually improved the economy.
For those who would respond "but, Reagan"
You can re-write history, but it doesn't erase the DEPRESSION Detroit went thru thanks to that admin.

Fiscal my ass.

I think that political beliefs really say something about a person's philosophy on life and their priorities.

I couldn't date anyone who wasn't liberal, or at least a very left leaning moderate, because politics and liberal causes are sort of what I devote my time and my academic studies to. It's not just about how I vote. But that's just me and I think it depends on how...political the people are.

Plus, like a commenter correctly said before me, "fiscal conservatives" are sort of a joke in modern politics. Also, what does that even mean, really? Isn't it all interconnected. I had a sociology professor once who was socially liberal and fiscally conservative, and I totally didn't get it. Is it like, "I realize that it's not the fault of the poor that they are impoverished, but I'm not going to vote in a way that would potentially help them."

I think it boils down more to how he expresses his beliefs when you talk about the issues. Are the debates you have meaningful, but still fun? I had a long-term boyfriend who identified as *gasp* socially conservative. Normally if I met a guy like that I would run for the hills. However, he wasn't intolerant, he loved my independance and feminism, and he generally reconised that his more conservative views were based on upbringing, and not reason or rationality. It's the ideological ones I find to to be a problem, the ones who end every debate thinking everything they say is the voice of all truth, no matter what someone else thinks.

I am in the exact same situation actually... and sometimes my boyfriend is socially less-liberal than I am, and sometimes it bothers me. I know in the "long run" it won't work out because it won't be enough. If I do get married or spend my life with someone, I need them to be as passionate as I am about social issues and willing to come picket or petition with me etc.

Example of something that really got to me (cue anecdote): he is pro-choice, pro repro rights, for advancing women's health... BUT he believes that if a woman is married and pregnant and wants an abortion she needs her husbands consent. (I feel that in a committed marriage, it would be a cooperative decision anyway. And if the marriage is based on strong and shared values, the idea of starting a family would be shared anyway... but if it is a situation where the husband is cheating or abusive or something, the woman needs to have the right to autonomy! His statement assumes the hypothetical woman is ill-hearted and inconsiderate of her husband etc and that the husband is automatically this super great guy... it bothered me that he was quick to ignore my side of the argument here.)

Anyway...

For now, I am having fun... for me, I know I am not marrying him or spending my life with him... Also, I don't want my own children and he does so I know I wouldn't be marrying him anyway and the whole what-if-a-married-couple thing doesn't apply to me. I am just enjoying the time we get to share together. We have a lot of fun, we have great conversations and debates, and we learn from each other.

However, as much as we care for each other, in the long run it won't be enough. But I am young (also early 20s) and not thinking about "the long run."

Just how I see it... but I understand how it can be frustrating.

PS: My guy didn't even vote! He didn't like either candidate... but that bothers me more! I hate when people don't vote because it "doesn't make a difference"... it's about exercising your rights that this country is (supposed to be?) based on.