Ok, I have a terrible, guilty and un-feminist confession. I watched both seasons of "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" and (for the most part) enjoyed them.
I tried watching the first episode of that new bisexual dating show MTV has but I couldn't do it, it creeps me out that they are having indentical twins kiss a whole bunch of the same people. (That is just my personal opinion, I have nothing against other people who like to see that.)
However, one theme that came up at the beginning of the first two seasons, as well as this new show (before I became creeped out by it) is what I like to call "lesbian star rankings".
Basically, in the first episode of all three shows the lesbians/bisexual girls say they are a certain star rating based on what they have done with men. "Platinum star" is when you have never done anything with a man, "gold star" is when you have only kissed a man ect. ect. The " precious metal star" you are decreases in value depending on how much you have done with men.
I myself am a lesbian and have NEVER heard of any of these "precious metal rankings" anywhere but on MTV. I cannot imagine asking another woman her "precious metal" or calling myself a "precious metal". I mean, someone else's sexual history is none of my buisness(with the exception of a parter who has had unprotected sex and no STD tests). I think it is safe to say that many lesbians would agree with me on that one.
This is pure specultation but I suspect those "precious metal rankings" are not usually used by women. I suspect that they are used by men when talking about women. I COULD BE WRONG THOUGH!
Frankly, I find these "precious metal star rankings" really dehumanizing. They make it seem like lesbianism is a form of virginity and that having sex with men makes women less valuable.
It is the same virgin/whore concept but with an especially creepy twist.
I guess my main question is Have any of you ever heard of lesbian "precious metal rankings"? If so, where and in what context?
Here is some evidence/an example.
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Firstly, I have never heard of these "star rankings." But wow are they disturbing!
I hate any system in which women are ranked against each other because of their sexuality. It's just dehumanizing.
But also, this seems like a huge affront to bisexuality or any sexuality in between gay or straight. As if bisexual women are just cheap lesbians. Ridiculous.
As someone closer to the middle of the Kinsey scale, I've been picked on by both straight and gay girls. One actually threw condoms at me and called me a 'breeder.' It saddens me that gay and bisexual people can't feel like they're in the same community, because they both care about gay rights and tolerance.
Let's work together, girls!
I went to a college that was in the process of transitioning from a women's college (there were, even then, substantial numbers of male commuter students) to a college with both women and men. My first two years, there were junior and senior lesbians who actually wound up acting rather nasty, I suppose out of resentment for losing their safe space. It made things difficult for a lot of us younger queer students, because, all of a sudden, there was a very vocal group of 3 lesbians who set out to demonstrate the "proper" way to be a lesbian- and shame all the rest of us to follow their path. It was clique-ish, and built this utterly demeaning and patronizing kind of a hierarchy that I hated being associated with.
So, no, I haven't heard of getting stars for anything, and I think that's utterly stupid. But yes, I have had women belligerently ask me what's the furthest I've ever gone with a man, and seen them calling others bad lesbians for having slept with men. (All while everyone on the other side was asking me how I knew I wasn't straight if I'd never slept with a woman, either.) I understand the urge these people on MTV have to rank each other by sexual histories. (By understand, I don't mean agree- I mean that I understand it to be an ugly presentation of fear, hatred, and intolerance)
In short, I don't think it's entirely a product of MTV. As much as I wish the process of questioning one's sexuality would open a person to the beauty of diversity on this planet, being a lesbian doesn't preclude intolerant, judgmental ugliness.
(PS: Nor does it require it. Some of the most wonderful, embracing, intellectually and emotionally beautiful people I've ever met have also being lesbians.)
All while everyone on the other side was asking me how I knew I wasn't straight if I'd never slept with a woman, either.
Oh, and this? This, I get. I have been out as bisexual for aabout nine years (gods, I feel old saying that) but it's only in the last year that I've done anything more than make out with a woman, because I was dating first one and then another man during those years. And I definitely had my share of people going "But how do you KNOW?" My usual response was, Did you know you were straight before you had sex? "Well, yeah..." Then how is that any different? How did YOU know? It tended to shut people up pretty well.
Seriously. Every time someone asked me about that, I just wanted to scream "WHY IS IT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS TO BEGIN WITH?!"
I've heard a version of it in the phrase "gold-star gay" or "gold-star lesbian", simply meaning someone who has never had sexual contact with the opposite sex. But it was always used jokingly, never as a derogatory or superiority thing. I've certainly never heard of rankings like this, though.
And I'm with Simone; this is disgusting, and completely disappears the experience of bisexuals. What, we're worth less because we fuck both genders? Thanks a lot, Double Shot@Love.
I've only ever heard of it on a Shot At Love.
I feel like it's one of those things that's completely harmless as long as no one takes it seriously. As shown by Abby B, some people do.
Here's the entry for "gold star lesbian" on Urban Dictionary: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gold+star+lesbian
There's only the one entry, so I'd suppose this is largely MTV-driven, if not originated.
From the page you linked to: "For her, lesbianism is a concrete lifestyle choice, not the result of some crazy club dare."
I'm sorry, but 'lifestyle choice'? WTF?
I have heard of 'gold star lesbian' as well, but like Jadelyn said, only in a non-serious sort of way.
I think I saw the phrase "gold star lesbian" once on afterellen.com...
honestly though, after I came out, I remember hanging out with my gf and some of her acquaintances, and one of the lesbians we hung out with was considered the end-all-be-all because she had never slept with a guy. Simply because she was in the position to question her sexuality at a younger age and never went further than kissing a guy. (we were all in our twenties)
The idea of having slept with a guy was not necessarily being a "tainted" lesbian, but it was kind of special to be the girl who hadn't ever been with a guy ever.
And these were girls creating this judgment, not boys.
Also, I realized that having only been with guys, and being a virgin as far as never been with a girl, had given me this token appeal (for a short amount of time). There were definitely girls who wanted to be your first, as though it were a prize, or to add another notch on their belt.
It may not be the same as creating some stupid ranking system to literally judge people and apply metals to them, but it's with the same idea, just more loosely based.
I'm not generalizing this to all lesbians obviously, just a couple of immature cliques that I've come across in my early days. But it's just interesting that I, perhaps naively, expected more from these girls, than to act the way many boys in high school acted. Silly me ;-)
There's definitely some aspect of "tainting" about the whole thing, as if lesbians that have had sexual contact with men aren't REAL lesbians, because they have been "tainted" by the penis. As a lesbian myself, I don't consider it any of my business or concern if the girl I'm with has had sexual contact with men. She's with me now, so it doesn't matter anymore.
i think the first time i heard the term gold-star lesbian was in college. the term is used frequently, but not seriously in my experience.
I am a heterosexual male, never been interested in anything other than that. I personally have never heard of this precious metal rating system and think it does sound like a stupid male thing.
Personally, I don't understand why more women aren't lesbians. In general males suck. I can't say for all of us, but considering most of the women I have had relationships with have suffered from some sort of abuse from a male in their lives be it emotional, sexual, or physical, I don't understand why less men aren't alone.
I'm writing a thesis about this!