I've got faith all you intelligent and eloquent commenters can help me out with this one.
First, I'll paint a picture of where I sit: I'm an undergrad student in Fine Art at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario. Queen's is known for (among other things, both good and bad) it's "culture of whiteness", and over the past two years there have been numerous racially-charged, violent and verbally abusive acts committed against minority groups on campus. To name a few, last year a black professor was forced off the sidewalk and called racial slurs by a group of students in engineering jackets; this semester the Muslim Student Association has had multiple break-ins to their prayer space resulting in theft, their "Happy Ramadan" poster defaced and burned, and constant verbal assaults against students who wear hijabs; one Jewish student's car was defaced with swastikas; and finally, the president of our student government commented on a Facebook photo of two girls wearing head-scarves saying, "I like your Taliban picture". You know, 'cause all Muslims are terrorists, right? Seriously.
Needless to say, this stuff has been on my mind.
Even when I first came to Queen's, straight out of my arts-based, multicultural, relatively LGBD positive highschool, I was berated with "Dude, that's so gay", "Quit being a homo", etc., and many of my male friends have been called "fag" and "homo" walking through the student ghetto.
Hence, the lost faith in humanity. Admittedly, I was naive in my highschool days... I really didn't think racism, sexism, and homophobia were as prevelent as they actually are. I'm glad I've realized how pertinent it is to continue to fight for equality, but I am still lamenting the fact that the fight is necessary.
But I'll get to the point here, and relay an incident that I need some feedback on:
I was out one night with some friends, and we grabbed some post-bar falafel. As we were leaving the restaurant, I saw a guy I knew from highschool (you know, the artsy, multicultural, LGBD positive one). He said it was his 19th birthday (which means he's legal, for you American folks), and he was, in his words:
"Going to get fucked like a n*gger"
He proceeded to keep saying "n*gger", until my friend yelled at him, and I told him he shouldn't say that. His response:
"Whatever. There are, like, NO black people at Queen's, and really, if you're black, then just don't come to Queen's!"
My jaw was on the ground. I was just in shock. People think like this?!?
His friend, who also went to my highschool, I think sensing my unease, said, "Oh, he gets kind of racist when he's drunk."
I said, "He get's really racist when he's drunk," and then I left.
I've never seen racism so explicitly before, and what's worse is that he spoke to me like I was in on the joke. And considering everything that's been going on at our school, wouldn't he have examined the implications of saying something like that? I. just. don't. get it.
I mean, racism is hard to wrap my head around period, but I find this even more bizarre coming from someone with a similar background as me. Once more, I had always assumed this guy was gay (although I realize it's unfair of me to presume anyone's sexuality, not having actually spoken to them about it), and he's Jewish. I mean, the guy must have family members directly effected by the Holocaust, and knowing Queen's, must have had his fair share of homophobic comments directed at him. If one knows discrimination on a personal level, how can they say these things so unapologetically, if at all?
Perhaps I am assuming too much about his experience. But, regardless, I just need to know what you guys think could be the cause of this kind of discriminatory thinking.
I also feel uneasy about my own reaction in the moment. I was so caught off guard-- I had had a bit to drink, I was having a good time with my friends-- that I wasn't prepared for him to say something like that, and I don't think I made it clear enough to him that I don't tolerate that kind of thinking. What do you think is the best thing to say in this situation? Is there anything I could've said at that moment that really could have affected the way he thought?
Ultimately, I want to find some sort of understand of this guy and people like him. Because, being here in this environment, constantly hearing about all this hate, I too am beginning to hate. I hate those who will not look critically at the hegemonic views presented to us, and I hate those who will not question their racist, sexist, or homophobic actions. And hating those who hate just seems inherently illogical and hypocritical.
Or is it just a waste of energy to try to figure these people out? Should I instead be focusing on the people whom these comments effect?
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Being discriminated against by no means makes you into a person who thinks all forms of discrimination are wrong. Take the Mormon church and their support of Prop 8. Or a more personal example for me, my former boss who was a lesbian but was hell bent on getting rid of all the non-Jews who work at the JCC (which has a very inclusive hiring policy). That discrimination doesn't necessarily internalize and turn into positive reflection on how it's important to consider the good of your larger community, sometimes hate just breeds more hate.
"Being discriminated against by no means makes you into a person who thinks all forms of discrimination are wrong. Take the Mormon church and their support of Prop 8. Or a more personal example for me, my former boss who was a lesbian but was hell bent on getting rid of all the non-Jews who work at the JCC (which has a very inclusive hiring policy)."
Or for that matter, Muslims who live in areas without Muslim majorities and who are still sexist.
Once I saw a political cartoon by Rudi Miel describe it as "chain racism." It's big, but I have an image file of it and uploaded it:
http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/4021/whatmeracist007iy3.jpg
Oh gosh, I feel your pain, love. I'm at the University of Connecticut, and we have a serious sexism problem (like most Universities, ugh). Luckily, I surround myself with progressive folks, but there are some parties I've been to, or classes I've been in with those knuckleheads who just don't get it. It's incredibly frustrating.
First of all, I think one of the reasons behind him being so flagrantly racist is because he's been discriminated against. Of course, you can't be sure, but I'm willing to bet that he's been slighted by somebody on account of his being Jewish and possibly being gay (or even "acting gay"). When I encounter people like this, people full of unwarranted hate, I just see fear, and a lot of pain.. I mean, that's why you're reacting with hate, right? Because you feel hurt. It's normal, even for us progressive minds. But we have to take it a step further - which is why I encourage you (even though it's hard as hell sometimes, and it won't always work) to try to be as compassionate as possible when interacting with people like this.
Ask them to look at you. Pull them aside and say you have a serious question for them, even. Maintain eye contact. With all the sincerity and kindness you can muster, ask them why they would say such a thing? Ask them what they would think if they turned around and saw standing there, a black/gay/obese person there.. how would they feel?
I've done this before, and I've gotten two reactions - one being, 'pshh, I don't care'. Two being, 'hmm, I didn't think of it that way'. There's no way to tell how someone will react. In the former case, even though it seems like you failed, I just think about the fact that that thought has to settle inside this person's mind when they lay their head down to sleep at night. You really never know when an unexpected comment can change a person's life. It won't always work, but risking it is always a great idea :)
Can you speak to someone in the school administration about forming a group that focuses on eradicating racism and sexism in the school?
It may begin with one or two members, but, will likely grow quickly as you become active.
In that sort of atmosphere, I suggest quiet action at first.
good luck.
p.s. check with the Cultural Anth profs and students.
The Anth association issued a statement many years ago discussing race as a cultural construct.
It could be a good discussion point to begin on.
Yes, what Hara said. Sounds like Queen's needs an overhaul. What happens during orientation week? Any anti-oppression stuff? It seems every year at Guelph, near the beginning of the year, there is some homophobic grafitti. Then the President of the University sends out a very serious e-mail to be clear that that is not acceptable at Guelph, an inclusive university. Our orientation week has various anti-oppression or informing about oppression events put on by Guelph Queer Equality or other clubs.
Something happened to the office of the Muslim Student Association here too. I think there isn't much sense in figuring out why these people do what they do. I think there is more sense in thinking about in what way people feel like it's okay to be this way at Queen's. How does Queen's allow for this stuff to happen? Obviously, things aren't perfect here. Sometimes it seems like the school is in a constant battle of anti-oppression and I wonder why can't people just know not to be anti-oppressive like you described. But Residence Life staff are trained to be anti-oppressive, certain clubs on campus that are anti-oppression try to be known, orientation week sets a certain atmosphere etc.
i'm also from U of G...i remember getting that email at the beginning of the year and i was so fucking dismayed. i'm a first year student...i remeber thinking something like "nice fucking welcome." sigh...at least the faculty seems to care. guelph doesn't seem nearly as bigoted as Queens (actually i found this post really shocking) but we still have subtle bigotry about. example: if you look around those carells in the library you can usually see some idiot's queerphobic / misogynist / racist pen graffiti on them. the effect is a magnified sort of oppression...not only are you subjected to graffiti from people who hate you, the walls of he carell literally envelop you in a sort of claustrophobic pod.
and oddly, i've even come across homophobia from a de facto gay guy. he and his friends kept making obnoxious lesbophobic comments right in front of me and laughing. wtf. he was a misogynist too, and i even got into a fucking argument with him about what constitutes rape. apparently, if there's no "penetration" then it isn't rape. un-fucking-believable.
Yeah, you'd think experiencing oppression would prevent someone from wanting to do it to others, but I've found time and time again that this is not the case. Someone can be gay or Jewish and still be a racist. In Brooklyn there are neighborhoods that are notorious for the tensions between the black and Orthodox Jewish populations, with both sides being guilty of it.
I've heard gay men make disparaging remarks about lesbians or bisexuals. I've seen Hispanics from different national backgrounds hating each other, or hating me when they find out which island my family hails from.
Sometimes I hear people say that anyone who's a member of an oppressed group cannot be racist or sexist, but that's not true at all. Straight white males may still have much of the power in our society, but they don't have exclusive rights to being a jerk.
I'm a Kingstonian, and a former Queen's student, and I too came to Queen's from an arts-based LGB friendly multicultural (well as multicultural as you get in Kingston) highschool. I am so incredibly not happy with the things I've been hearing about. I don't have time to make an in depth post because I have an exam tomorrow morning, but I can at least pass along this link: Queen's Coalition Against Racial and Ethnic Discrimination. There are other people who care and who are concerned and trying to take action, both at Queen's and in the greater Kingston community.
Yea I've definitely heard queers throw down some N-bombs... I don't get it. Being part of an oppressed group doesn't make it okay to use oppressive language about other oppressed groups, whether its a "joke" (riiiight) or otherwise.