At some point you just have to start ignoring these "experts" who just regurgitate one outdated idealized conception of gender after another. It is incredibly annoying, but there's a market out there for this kind of drivel, so it most likely won't dry up any time soon.

I met my partner in a bar (horrors!) and we hooked up with every intention of just being fuck buddies (gasp!), but in spite of my best intentions it took, and here we are raising kids together and looking kinda like a conventional family in spite of ourselves. So there ya have it. Most of my female friends have had phases where all they wanted was a fuck buddy or an occasional hookup, and we're not all damaged or disreputable. I think the main problem with this kind of theorizing is that it overlooks the fact that there's no monolithic group called "woman," and that women go through life phases were they want different things, as is the case with most humans. But I think that's because their main source on what women want/think/feel/need seems to be chick flicks. As if there is just one way to "be a woman."

This Fuck You seems a little undeserved.

Prof. Bogle did qualitative research on college hooking up by interviewing close to 80 women. One of the focuses of her research was to figure out why women opted out of hooking up.

So if the most common response for women opting out of hooking up (and I am getting my information from the Amazon entry about the book) is women get tired of hooking up and want a standard relationship, why is Prof Bogle wrong for saying that and Mr. Blow for editorializing about it?

And what is so wrong with the whole "trained to date" comment. The standard relationship is people begin to date, find that special some one,get to know them by going dates and then get married. It is not wrong to state that is the most regularly occurring result.

And you put alot of words into Mr. Blow and Prof. Bogle's mouth. The only real value statements came at the end:

It used to be that “you were trained your whole life to date,” said Ms. Bogle. “Now we’ve lost that ability — the ability to just ask someone out and get to know them.”

Now that’s sad.

Now that really was not so bad, is it? It like someone lamenting that all the communication happens over the phone and internet and not face-to-face. You might consider it dated but you don't need to tell them fuck you.

Bogle skews the findings. She makes it seem as if women just always tire of sex and want a relationship and men just always want sex and nothing more. They both make it seem as if being pre programmed from birth to mate a breed is the only acceptable response. It isn't a very academic study.

And if you read more about her she is a great big slut shamer.

Personally, I prefer to get to know someone in a social setting, when they are being themselves, so I can decide if I like them, and maybe decide if they are worth the bother of getting to know more personally. It works a hell of a lot better than spending a few hours w/ a complete stranger who is putting on a show based on what he or she thinks you are going to like.

They are shaming a whole group of people, and painting "women" as a giant monolith of baby crazed relationship-aholics. And that is fuck-you worthy. If you spent five seconds reading around, this is not an unpopular opinion in feminist circles, although I didn't read the others until I had written this. It also paints guys as a giant sex crazed monolith, which is equally harmful.

And comparing sexual autonomy to modern electronic communication? That doesn't even deserve a response more dignified than "Seriously?".

But honestly, you don't get to tell me what is and isn't worthy of a Fuck You. I am pretty insulted that someone considers me less of a woman, or chooses to other me, b/c I preferred "hooking up" as my method of getting to know someone as opposed to putting on airs and trying to snag some hot or rich dude to trade sex for a rock on my hand. I am not really putting any words into their mouths if you read the article and read up on Bogle's research. It is also insulting to the men out there who do want a relationship and who want to do the older style of dating. What I am trying to say is that no one gets to judge if that is "sad" or not WRT someone else's sexual freedom. Sexual autonomy is personal, and what happens behind closed doors b/t consenting adults is no one's business but their own. So, yeah, when someone starts judging MY sexual autonomy, they sure as fuck deserve a great big Fuck You.

I think that they need a huge Fuck You. I am so tired of people thinking that women want relationships and men don't. Other research has concluded that men want relationships as much as women, but our constructed image of ultra-masculinity has kept them from being able to express those feelings. At the same time, I know many, many women who are just as likely to use men for sex and do not want a relationship at all. And, if diseases and the amount of teen sex isn't going up anyway, why does anyone care? I am so sick of being expected to have relationships, and then if one ends, it's of course, everyone assumes, because the man broke my heart, because us women just love those relationships so much. That is bullshit and completely disempowering to women.