Where should I send this? And would you mind if I encourage some of my peers at school to also send this in?

WEIGHT

1. When was the first time you remember someone made a comment about your weight? What was the comment? How did you feel about it afterwards? Did you do something about it?

Ummm... the first thing I remember is a boy in my class calling me "drumsticks" (implying that I had large thighs/ass). I would have been 7 years old I believe. I felt embarrassed and I'm pretty sure I insulted him back but I've never forgot the comment so it must have really stung.

2. What were the comments you most remember? Do think they affected your life in any way and how so? Did these comments prevent you from doing things like going to school, going out with friends and so forth?

My mother and kids at school used to constantly be on my case for being fat. Favorites from my mother include: "Look at your stomach, you look pregnant" And "If you just lost 20 pounds you'd be sooo pretty", she said these things from the age of like... 7 to 15? The kids at school were merciless, they had all sorts of things they liked to call me. And yes they affected my life. I am very timid, very shy, reluctant to speak to people I don't know in case they think I'd repulsive, I have very low self-worth and can't imagine that anybody actually likes me (this drives my boyfriend mad). This isnt JUST because of the teasing but the teasing certainly reinforced the negative self image I had. I have a lot of self doubt that prevents me from being sociable, and from taking risks at school or work (when I am working). I'm just... very suspicious that everyone hates me.

3. Have you ever been on a diet? Or have you ever exercises heavily? If so how old were you when you started? What kind of weight loss plan was it? How do you feel about loosing weight?

I guess my first "successful" diet was in junior high (though I had tried before that, never did very well). The plan was: exercise a lot, eat nothing (or as little as I could), and sometimes take laxatives/diet pills/purge to aid the process. I lost over 40 pounds in a matter of 4-5 months and felt very good about it but of course teachers and friends were concerned about my eating habits. I gained the weight back once I started eating again.

4. Do you still continue to diet or exercise heavily?

I am now in the process of losing the weight... again... I was 13-14(?) during the first "diet" and I'm 20 now, I lost 30 pounds in 2007, GAINED 5 in 2008, and am hoping to lose 10 pounds in 2009 to get to a happier weight... Oh and I feel like shit about gaining weight this year... but I wasn't very happy when I lost weight either because I was still disappointed with how I looked. Anyway, I lost it in a healthier way this time, with regular exercise and diet control, but no over the top tactics.

REPRODUCTION

1. How did you learn about menstruation?

Sex ed in school.

2. How did you learn about sex and reproduction?

A combination of sexual education and my own curiosity (looking at encyclopedias, porn, erotica, sex scenes in movies, etc).

3. How did you feel after you learned about it? Did you feel more positive about your body or negative?

I don't know... I don't remember.

4. Is it something you openly discuss with other people?

In general I have no problem talking about these things with other people, but other people aren't so comfortable talking about it so I rarely do. Except with my boyfriend.

5. Did anyone ever make comments about your body parts such as body hair, breasts, and so forth? Did these comments affect your daily life?

Yes, my breasts, in junior high someone said that they were fake, it was a running joke for a few boys that I'd never run in front of anyone because my boobs wouldn't bounce and then everyone would know they were fake. It did humiliate me but compared to all the crap they said about me being a witch/satanist/fat/ugly/freak/etc. it was no big deal.

BODY LOVE AND HATE

1. What do you love about your body today?

I love that it can walk, run, dance, etc. But as for physical features... I'm having kind of a bad day!

2. What do you dislike about your body today?

You name it... stomach, thighs, butt, back, legs...

THE REAL YOU

1. What do you like about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?

I am clever, creative, passionate, interested in the world around me, intellectually curious, kind hearted, nurturing, generous, I love to make other people smile, there is almost nothing I wouldn't do for people I love... I'm sure there's more.

2. What do you dislike about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?

I am so insecure that no one ever gets to know the "real me"... I wish I could break out of my shell... it's painful to feel like you never really belong. Plus when I am in a bad mood I can be very rude to people for no good reason (especially my poor boyfriend)... I also tend to procrastinate and I almost never apply myself fully to anything.

ADVICE

1. If you could give a self-conscious girl who is 10 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

I know it sounds cheesy but you're beautiful the way you are, and you are more than just the way you look. You have much more to offer the world than a sweet smile, you have a brain, you have strength, you have ideas that are worth expressing.

2. If you could give a self-conscious girl who is 15 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

Probably just about the same advice I gave the 10 year old. But I know that when I was 15, all I really wanted was to be accepted by someone (anyone!) and was fed up of feeling outcast and judged... I'm not sure what to tell a self-conscious 15 year old!

3. If you could give a self-conscious woman who is 20 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

Hah, well, this is me right now... so... advice for myself? I don't know. I guess I would tell "myself" (If I were open enough to listen) that it doesn't matter if you don't look exactly the same as everyone else around you, because you are valuable and beautiful in your own special way. But I know that I would never listen to someone saying that.

This was a tricky survey, I'm not sure if my answers are what you wanted or not, and I definitely struggled with some of the questions but I hope it's alright!
Good luck!

I'm going to save this entry and answer the questions sometime this week. I guess we send the answers to your yahoo account? Hope my answers help you, and the best of luck with your book!

I will try to answer for you tomorrow, but right now, have you seen the survey on self-esteem done by Dove? You know doubt already have, but if not, here is a link http://www.dove.us/#/makeadifference/report.aspx/

I know it is sponsored by a soap company, but it is still interesting.

I'd like to help, but do you mind if I send the answers privately to your yahoo address?

I'd love to help. I'll post a link to your request on my blog at www.the-f-word.org.

I sent you my responses to your email. I hope they help

I've posted the request here on my site. One reader asked if there is a specific deadline on when you want answers by. And, do you have a book deal already, or are you still shopping for an agent/publisher?

WEIGHT

1. When was the first time you remember someone made a comment about your weight? What was the comment? How did you feel about it afterwards? Did you do something about it?

I've always been underweight, or just skinny. It's my body type, and there isn't much I can do about it. The first time I remember someone making comments about it was in kindergarten. Classmates mocked my sharp, protruding shoulder blades, and teachers thought my mom wasn't feeding me enough.

2. What were the comments you most remember? Do think they affected your life in any way and how so? Did these comments prevent you from doing things like going to school, going out with friends and so forth?

What I remember the most is one day, when my mom entered my room and I was shirtless. She let out a little squeal and said "you're anorexic!". I am not. I'm just skinny, I've always been. I try not to let this prevent me from doing anything, but sometimes, I have to confess, I'm a bit ashamed of my twig-like arms and pointy shoulders. Regardless of that, I never stopped using sleeveless shirts or any kind of clothing that exposes these body parts.

3. Have you ever been on a diet? Or have you ever exercises heavily? If so how old were you when you started? What kind of weight loss plan was it? How do you feel about loosing weight?

I've never been on a diet, but I try to eat "healthy stuff", and feel a bit guilty when I don't. Again, this feeling of guilt never prevented me from eating anything that I want, be it grilled salmon or layered chocolate cake. About changing my weight, I feel like a really need to gain a few pounds. I exercise regularly, hoping I will gain some muscle. Being quite sincere, I hate when I look on the mirror and see that small, pale, skinny girl. I look too fragile, too harmless, too weak. I'd like to be taller, to be bigger, I'd like not to have to look people from below. They think I'm "cute" when I'm angry, because I'm so tiny and look so inoffensive. If there is something that wrecks my self-esteem, this is it: to be perceived as harmless and cute, even in my anger.

4. Do you still continue to diet or exercise heavily?

I excercise regularly and I try to eat enough to put on some weight. It's kind of hard, though, since I just can't eat when I'm not hungry, even if the food tastes great. Also, when I concentrate on my work, study or other activity, I often forget to eat at all. It's a bad habit, it's not healthy and I feel guilty about it.

REPRODUCTION

1. How did you learn about menstruation?

My mother taught me about it, years before my first period. I was ready when it came.

2. How did you learn about sex and reproduction?

My parents taught me some, and also sex ed. at school. I learned most of the "regular-heterosexual-default" stuff from these two sources, but I had to do my own research too, since I happen to be a lesbian. Luckily, I was always a big computer geek, and was able to track down the few sites about the subject in the Dial-up pre-Google era. I also learnt a thing or two from my peers, though I always took anything they said with a grain of salt.

3. How did you feel after you learned about it? Did you feel more positive about your body or negative?

I felt positive. Knowledge is power, I always thought, and the more I know, the safer I am. Classmates and friends felt a bit disgusted about the gay girl who knew everything about sex, but I didn't notice it at the time. I was too self-centered to notice. And I was a little arrogant too, and thought my classmates were all too childish and stupid, so their opinion never counted much. Yes, I was a prepotent brat, and I'm glad I was. It spared me a lot.

4. Is it something you openly discuss with other people?

Yes. I'm not ashamed at all of my sexuality. And I try to make sure I look confortable talking about it, so other people - specially other girls - will feel safe to talk about themselves.

5. Did anyone ever make comments about your body parts such as body hair, breasts, and so forth? Did these comments affect your daily life?

When I was a kid, the other children often mocked me because of my thick, dark body hair. Being pale-skinned as I am, every hair was very visible, and I was called "monkey girl" and "werewolf" on a daily basis. Only now, more than ten years later, I'm starting to feel confortable with my body hair again. I always wear pants, though, even when it's really hot, to hide my skinny white legs and my dark hair stubs.

BODY LOVE AND HATE

1. What do you love about your body today?

I don't feel too well today. Didn't have enough sleep. But I kind of like my hands. I love my strong, square palms and my nimble, slender fingers. I love the veins and tendons, the scars and knuckles, and the short, unpainted nails. With these hands I can draw and write and play and make love. I adore my hands.

2. What do you dislike about your body today?

Besides the too-small-too-skinny thing, I today particulary dislike the fact that my body has to sleep, and when I'm sleepy I get very grumpy and clumsy. I also have a lot of pimples in my face and back, and it's making me a bit too unconfortable with my appearance.

THE REAL YOU

1. What do you like about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?

I'm passionate and proud. I'm creative. I'm a critical thinker and I love to learn. I can overcome my fears and stand up for what I think it's right, even when I'm alone. I'm honest and trustworthy. I'm not ashamed to have fun.

2. What do you dislike about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?

I can sound very arrogant sometimes, even when it's not my intention. I can be rude. I am short-tempered and lack patience. I also can be a little paranoid about, well, everything.

ADVICE

1. If you could give a self-conscious girl who is 10 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do or be something "because you are a girl". It's not true. Go and challenge this. Don't let anyone but yourself tell you who you are.

2. If you could give a self-conscious girl who is 15 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

Think. Think critically about everything. Don't believe in absolute truths. Analyse everything that is told to you, every bit of information. Don't take "it's always been like this" or "because I said so" as an answer.

3. If you could give a self-conscious woman who is 20 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

Put yourself first. Trust yourself. Know yourself. In the end, you will be the only person who you can always rely on.

Here's it. Took some time to answer them all. I hope it's helpful.
And sorry for the bad english, it's not my native language.

Hello, I'm glad to see all the responses. If you feel uncomfortable posting this in the comments section send it to rootedwillow@yahoo.com . No I do not have an agent or publisher, I'm still shopping around. You can send this to anyone and everyone (if you think they'll be interested in filling it out). If you have ANY QUESTIONS email me at rootedwillow@yahoo.com.

My goal was to write a self-esteem workbook with perhaps a collection of stories or quotes and so forth. I might be posting new questions in the future but as of right now I'm being extremely broad with what I want to do with the book.

Thanks so much for your help Feminist-ers!

WEIGHT

When I was much younger, one of my grandparents used to tell me I was too skinny, and that I should eat more. It's not that I tried to diet, I just didn't eat a lot when I was a child/younger teen. These days I have a healthy BMI, and I don't diet. I just try to eat sensibly.

REPRODUCTION

How did you learn about menstruation?
-I honestly don't remember. But I never wanted it, and still don't.

How did you learn about sex and reproduction?
-Again, I'm not entirely sure. There was just a phase during which I didn't know about it, and eventually a phase of my life where I did.

How did you feel after you learned about it? Did you feel more positive about your body or negative?
-I didn't feel differently about my own body, but I was raised in schools where it was heavily looked down upon as a dirty thing, so for a few years I thought it was horrible and almost evil. I've come to realize over the years (and mostly through a feminist perspective) that it's a normal act, completely natural and in most cases loving.

Is it something you openly discuss with other people?
-I haven't had relationship yet, because I haven't found the right guy.

Did anyone ever make comments about your body parts such as body hair, breasts, and so forth?
-I have large breasts, and I feel uncomfortable if a friend says something envious about them, as I'd gladly trade with someone who was of a lesser cup size. They just get in the way.

BODY LOVE AND HATE

What do you love about your body today?
-My eyes and my lips. I have very uniquely colored eyes and full lips.

What do you dislike about your body today?
-Mostly my chest and thighs. I'd like a more perky chest and toner thighs.

THE REAL YOU

What do you like about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?
-I like my sense of humor and my intelligence.

What do you dislike about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?
-I dislike my perfectionism. If I don't think I'll do something well, I just won't do it.

ADVICE

If you could give a self-conscious girl who is 10 years old a piece of advice what would it be?
-Don't accept what anyone tells you is the "right" or "wrong" way to look, because you'll always find someone who will believe the opposite.

If you could give a self-conscious woman who is 20 years old a piece of advice what would it be?
-You have to realize that the standard of beauty in America wasn't even set by straight males; it's just what gay men envisioned straight males would like in a woman. A woman's natural body is the only true picture of the ideal woman.

WEIGHT

1. When was the first time you remember someone made a comment about your weight? What was the comment? How did you feel about it afterwards? Did you do something about it?

When I was 4 or 5, I remember my grandmother telling my mom that she'd better put me on a diet, because I was looking a little pudgy. My mom told her that I was perfectly healthy, and that ended the discussion right there. (Thanks, mom!)

2. What were the comments you most remember? Do think they affected your life in any way and how so? Did these comments prevent you from doing things like going to school, going out with friends and so forth?

No one commented on my weight much (positively or negatively) until I became anorexic when I was about 13. I lost about 40lbs (went from 140 to 100lbs, at 5'11") and everyone started complimenting me on my weight. "What's you secret?" "Oh you're so pretty and thin, I hate you!" etc. It was a bit of an ego boost, but it was also really depressing - it's like the absence of compliments previously was like they were all saying, "oh, you're so pretty NOW. Before, when you were a normal weight, you were gross and ugly" although no one outright told me that.

3. Have you ever been on a diet? Or have you ever exercises heavily? If so how old were you when you started? What kind of weight loss plan was it? How do you feel about loosing weight?

I started a "diet" (i.e. anorexia) when I was about 12 1/2 or 13. That continued very seriously for about 4 years. The last 2 years I've been "watching my weight" but I don't think I do it in a normal, healthy way. I like to think I'm recovered. But I'm not. I just manage it better now. I'm about 125-130lbs now (6' tall) which is slightly above the "danger zone" but I feel fat whenever I'm criticized or feeling down. I know that logically I'm NOT fat, but I can't stop thinking of myself that way.

4. Do you still continue to diet or exercise heavily?

I don't exercise as much, but I do limit my food intake quite a bit. (1-2 small meals a day, occasional binges, etc.)

REPRODUCTION

1. How did you learn about menstruation?

My mom gave me a copy of "Our Bodies Ourselves" when I was 12, and told me to read about it.

2. How did you learn about sex and reproduction?

Same source. My dad also left a box of condoms by my bedroom door when I was about 14, in lieu of a talk.

3. How did you feel after you learned about it? Did you feel more positive about your body or negative?

I didn't want it to happen. It kind of scared me, but I'm glad I learned about it first - I bled a LOT the first time I menstruated, and if I hadn't known what was happening I would have been terrified.

4. Is it something you openly discuss with other people?

Yep, I'm pretty okay with it now.

5. Did anyone ever make comments about your body parts such as body hair, breasts, and so forth? Did these comments affect your daily life?

Yes. I was an "early bloomer" and all the boys (and some of the girls) at school commented on my "massive rack" etc. It was flattering in a way, but mostly I hated getting that much attention, and it made me very self-conscious.

BODY LOVE AND HATE

1. What do you love about your body today?
I'm really happy with my "massive rack" nowadays, and I think I have really nice legs.

2. What do you dislike about your body today?
I know I don't really have much of one, but I hate my little belly bulge. It won't go away and it makes me miserable.

THE REAL YOU

1. What do you like about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?

I'm pretty darn smart (150 IQ) and I'm a great singer.
2. What do you dislike about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?

I'm too shy, and I hate the way I blush and stutter when I'm nervous.

ADVICE

1. If you could give a self-conscious girl who is 10 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

Whatever you look like now doesn't matter - you're growing up and everyone goes through awkward stages. And whatever you think is wrong with you - trust me, it's probably perfectly normal.

2. If you could give a self-conscious girl who is 15 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

Same as the above, and I'd add that there's no reason to feel obligated to have sex if you're not ready. Conversely, if you feel ready, don't let anyone stop you with bullshit moralistic arguments.

3. If you could give a self-conscious woman who is 20 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

Haha, gosh. I don't know, I'm only 20 myself. I guess the same as the previous advice, and I'd add that it's totally okay not to know what you want to do with your life at this point.