I (luckily) don't have to put up with this this year, but my sister was talking about it last night and got me thinking. She has a family Christmas party (on her finance's side) where all the women bring a gift (<$10) for another woman (wrapped) and all the men bring one for another man, and then you draw names and each pick a present (in the appropriate gender category). I've had to participate in these in the past, and normally women get candles, bath products or kitchen supplies. Men usually get some sort of little gadget or tool, or something else 'manly'.
I honestly never thought about whether this is sexist or not until last night. I was going through store adverstisment flyers, looking for ideas of what my sister could bring to the party. But then I started thinking how stupid and useless nearly every gift I ever got from parties like that was (to me). I mean, I like some bath products, but really only my brand and scent (most 'gift sets' trigger my perfume allergy). So here is my question: you bring a traditional 'woman' gift to the party, what is the probability that a given woman actually likes it? On the otherhand, what if the secret Santa was just a unisex one? Would the probability be less if everyone just had to bring a present that they think most people in their families would like? (ideas I was coming up with: hand massager, famous book, cd carrying case etc etc) There have been plenty of times I've liked the 'man' gifts more (everyone needs a cool screwdriver). If I was to ever be forced into one of these things again, I think I'd try to bring a gender-neutral gift (by our cultural standards), even if it was intended for a woman.
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Wow, that would really bother me. We have always had unisex gift exchanges in my family, and the one where the gifts are being passed around, women and men are usually scrambling for the same gifts (that said, alliances form...)
Random Santa things are ridiculous. In schools I've worked in most of the staff are women, so most of the gifts are downright girly because, hey, a guy probably won't get that particular gift. When I have to do those things I give restaurant gift cards, which are also stupid, but at least almost anyone can use them. I try to get my giftcards back, but usually end up with bath soaps or cutesy wootsy Christmas ornaments. What random not-intended-for-you gift costing $20 are you likely to get that you'd rather have than your $20 back?
Secret Santa things where you at least know who you're giving to are a little better.
On the otherhand, what if the secret Santa was just a unisex one? Would the probability be less if everyone just had to bring a present that they think most people in their families would like? (ideas I was coming up with: hand massager, famous book, cd carrying case etc etc)
Gender stereotypes aren't absent from unisex gifts. There's a unisex Secret Santa at my job for people who wish to participate. While the gifts might be "gender neutral," everybody who participates and buys a gift for the grab bag is basing their decision on what to get with gender stereotypes in mind. They might pick out a navy scarf and hat set, or a Barnes & Noble gift card. You know, because navy and books are for women and men. Those who participate wouldn't pick a pink scarf and hat or a Home Depot gift card, because that would be too gendered, even though this is a free country and we can wear and build stuff whatever our private parts.
I've been in both gendered and unisex secret Santa exchanges, and they both result in gifts that don't get used. But I agree that the gendered ones are worse. It's always just irritating to me to be separated out by gender for any activity like that. But I have no expectation of being able to use the bath products or candles either, for allergy reasons as well, so I just put the item in the closet and re-gift it next year. :D