Warning: I'm pretty sure this falls under the *very triggering* label.
Hi, Longtime reader, first time poster.
Today, at school, I witnessed something that really disturbed me. I've called myself a feminist for as long as I've known the meaning of a word, but this made me realize how sheltered and unexposed I am to some of the issues we care so much about.
I was in study hall, which is held in the cafeteria at my school. As usual, hardly anybody was actually studying, just sitting around talking to their friends.
Not to far from me, a couple was standing around arguing about something. I wasn't paying much attention to them, as I assumed it was just typical high school drama. However, it was attracting a lot of attention from who I assume were his friends, sitting at a nearby table. Some jerk was shouting "Smack her!" over and over again.
I never expected that he would actually do it, but he did. It made me feel unbelievably awful watching that and the aftermath, when she tried to defend herself and a ton of teachers and admins ran in to break it up.
But the most disturbing part is how people reacted! Almost all the other people-boys AND girls-started laughing, cheering, and shouting "Fight, fight!" Apparently, I was the only one who was horrified by this scene. Everyone else just seemed to find it as entertaining.
So, my question is this:
Is this apathetic attitude towards overt physical abuse more common than I thought? I know emotional and sexual abuse is often difficult for some people to understand, but he very clearly hit her, no questions asked. Is this common among a lot of teens, or are the ones at my school particularly awful? What about among older people? What are some of the organizations out to stop this?
Thanks for reading and answering questions.
0 TrackBacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry: A Story and A Question.
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://www.feministing.com/cgi-bin/movabletype/mt-tb.fcgi/11621
That is pretty disturbing. I've never seen something like it. But one thing surprises me-- teens usually yell fight fight when its two guys fighting, or maybe even two girls. The idea of yelling fight fight as a guy adn a girl fight seems odd to me somehow, but maybe in a good way. Like, they are viewing them as equals who can actualy fight each other, rather than expecting her to just take the abuse like a doormat.
When I was in high school, I had a particularly rowdy algebra class. There was a guy who constantly hit on the girls in the class, me in particular. He focused on me, I believe, because I always stood up to him and told him to knock it off. One day, he kept putting his hands on me; on my hair, the shoulder, the arm, etc. I told him several times to stop, then finally told the teacher to stop him, or I was going to hit him.
She didn't; I punched him. The resulting scuffle was nothing to write home about--he'd get up in my face, ranting, and I'd push him. Once he fell and knocked over several desks. The teacher called security, and the vice principal, the security officer, and two teachers burst in the room. They wouldn't let me stay, I had to leave the classroom regardless of the fact that I was defending myself--I was party in a fight, and that's all that mattered.
Outside, I told them what happened, and they let me return to class, but I was still disturbed that they thought I was the danger, that I was wrong for fighting back. I was also pissed that my teacher allowed it to escalate as it did. The guy got kicked out of class about every day--I was straight-A, honors, well-behaved, and well-liked by all the faculty and staff. She was intimidated by conflict, I'll give her that, but it was her responsibility to take care of me, and she failed in that.
In my case, no one jumped to my defense (we all were friends) because this guy was scrawny, and I'm pretty tough. In your story though, it sounds like the opposite was the case, and I'm really surprised that no one jumped in. I know I sure as hell would've.
These kinds of situations should be taught to teachers so that they dont let problems sift into the classroom. I'm happy you knocked him down!!!
These kind of situations are taught to teachers, but that doesn't mean that they can act appropriately. Teachers don't have it easy. Help may be crucial minutes away during a situation like this.
I'm not defending this particular teacher's actions in this particular case. But remember that teachers are just people trying to do their best.
When I was in elementary school, maybe 4th grade, we had assigned seats and I was sat next to a boy, in one I those shares two person desks. He was always pestering me, poking me, leaning to my side of the desk,touching me, and the teacher wouldn't change my seat. At the time I didn't think of this but I'm retrospect he may have had a little boy crush on me. Anyway the teacher wouldn't move my seat so I told him I was going to hold up an open safety pin and if he leaned into my space again he'd be responsible for getting stabbed. And. . . He did!
The teacher was shocked and took me outside to ask what I was thinking but when I told her I did it because he wouldn't stop touching me, she changed my seat and somehow I never got in trouble for it. I don't even remember if my parents were called.
You know, on second thought, my memory is a little fuzzy-- maybe it was a paperclip. And I don't think he was cut very badly, I don't think it required anything more than a bandaid, which is probably why I didn't get in trouble. But still.
Katydid - I'm sorry that you had to have that experience, it must have been quite distressing and left you feeling quite vulnerable.
I think you can consider two things when analyzing this incident. Certainly there is a violence against women element - sure in high school boys and girls can still be a match physically but generally males are stronger and know it and as such can reasonably be expected not to use that to assume a dominate position over girls/women. That the other kids saw his hitting her as funny is definately an expression of the cultural acceptance of violence against women. The other thing to consider is the possibility of exposure to violence in films and games and on TV has resulted in a de-sensitization to it. Hence everyone calling for a fight and laughing.
I've worked in schools and I must say the admin in me wanted to hear that you had gone to find an adult when you heard the boys encouraging him to hit her. However I do understand the politics of being a teen so if you see something like that happenning again and you feel uncomfortable - protect yourself first and leave. And if you still feel upset could you talk with Mom or Dad about it?
I don't remember schools being as violent when I was a teen as they are now - even though every generation complains about "youth violence". I definately see a greater lack of compassion in some segments of the youth population than when I was that age, but I also have seen youths that are much more politically aware, active and compassionate.
No, this type of behavior is not only not typical with older people it would draw severe condemnation and criminal charges. Which is part of the reason why violence against a woman by her partner often happens behind the closed door of her home. Check the links on the left for more info on this unfortunately worldwide issue. I'm sure that some of the future commentors will have some good suggestions for you too.
I'm glad Katydid that you recognized that this incident was deplorable and I applaude you for your approach of posting and asking questions about it here. Stay strong young woman and when you feel vulnerable do what you did here and reach out, there will ALWAYS be other women who will stand with you.
This is strange, and I can't see it happening in my high school, but each school is a very microcosmic environment. The way you describe it, it seems to me like everyone just wanted to see a fight, and they were egging them on as they would two boys. Were they being equally antagonistic? That might have something to do with it...
I think fights are awful regardless or the who or why, and I think everyone else should feel that way too. Just my 2 cents