Right before I log into AOL to check my mail, this shows up and I can't help but read it.
This is one of the most ridiculous things I've read. Here are some gems:
"1. After washing your beautiful locks, don't forget to pick up your hair from the shower drain. It may not bother you but he doesn't like untangling your hair from his big toe."
"4. Speaking of..., don't let yourself go. That doesn't mean you must maintain a certain weight or length of hair for the sake of your marriage, but it is a gesture of love to take pride in your appearance. You may expect the same from him and you both deserve a mate that is clean, showered, shaved and cares about their health."
"11. Remember all those bodily functions you tried to keep discreet while you were in the throws of wooing him? Just because you have been married several years and are very comfortable around your beloved doesn't mean you can now blow, snort and pick to your heart's content."
Wow. I can't even think of a proper description for this. I mean, it's pretty horrible, but the fact that a woman wrote this almost makes it worse. It's not just some loser guy who wants to pretend that he knows how women work: it's a woman who's actually telling us how we should treat ourselves and our men (which, according to her, is to just be pretty and dainty and make sure he doesn't hear us fart).
Who decides what gets posted on AOL? A middle school child?
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For as horrible as that list in general is, it was immediately amusing to me because for #1, the complete opposite applies - I have very light, fine, thin hair, and when I'm alone in my apartment, I lose so little there's never anything to take out of the drain. On the contrary, whenever my dark-haired Korean boyfriend is visiting, he never takes the massive drain-blocking lumps of his thick hair out of my tub, which drives me crazy. (Even ONE shower is enough for his hair to plug the drain up enough that the water builds up in the tub.)
And with regards to #11, he thinks it's hilarious every time I fart, and some of my burps get a good chuckle out of him, too.
"...doesn't mean you can now blow, snort and pick to your heart's content..."
Blow? As in blow my nose? There's a rule about that? My sinuses are laughing.
I find it absolutely awful that a woman wrote this. Was this originally published in 1956 by some chance? I'll take a shower, I'll comb my hair, but I do it for me, not for him. With regards to the one about bodily functions? If he can fart and burp around me, I can fart and blow my nose in front of him.
What's all this talk of farting? Women don't fart, clearly! We just have to make sure that we remain dainty when blowing our noses and don't snort when laughing. Any other bodily functions are not female and should not take place at any time in our lives.
There are a lot of other irritating stereotypes in the rest of the list, too. All women hate action movies and love romantic comedies! All women are shopaholics who hide their overspending from their men! All women are paranoid harpies who sit at home doing nothing until their man gets back and thus are watching the clock for him constantly! WTF??? What was this author thinking?
Did you see that she also wrote an article on http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=515 ? Some of the great advice includes
1. using clean language - we both curse like fucking sailors
2."opening her door and walking closest to the street," which I don't even understand - I guess if a car splashes water on the sidewalk she won't get dirty? Or something? Also, I drive the car, so shouldn't I be opening the door for him? Oh but I guess that's not allowed - my fiance's not a real dude since he doesn't drive
12. "Offer a listening ear" because women, apparently, like to vent. I think this one is pretty insulting, because it implies that guys don't actually like to/know how to talk about important things, and women are just silly creatures who like to rant and rave about their lame-ass lives.
*sigh* There's a modicum of truth in these lists, because I agree that couples should be respectful of each other and their boundaries - but other than that, I respect any sort of list that reinforces gender stereotypes. Couples should talk to each other honestly about things, and not do something just because it makes the other person happy - which, btw, is something that women should do, but not men, according to these lists.
2."opening her door and walking closest to the street," which I don't even understand - I guess if a car splashes water on the sidewalk she won't get dirty? Or something?
This is funny, because I met some guys while at the Austin Film Festival a few months ago and as we were walking from the theater to a restaurant to get dinner, one of them darted around to my other side to put himself between me and the curb. He said "Sorry, it's a southern guy thing," but I'm still not sure what it was for. I assumed he was putting a buffer between me and a tragic misstep off the curb and into traffic, or something. There was no splashy water anywhere. Plus, I'm also southern and I've never had guys feel compelled to walk between me and the street before.
The walking closest to the road thing is a tradition from the Middle Ages (or before?). People would throw their sops out the window on the streets and sidewalk. If the man walked on the outside towards the street, the trash would be thrown on him rather than her. Personally, I would rather people just did not throw their trash out of two story windows.
The walking closest to the road thing is a tradition from the Middle Ages (or before?). People would throw their slops out the window onto the streets and sidewalk. If the man walked on the outside towards the street, the trash would be thrown on him rather than her. Personally, I would rather people just did not throw their trash out of two story windows.
In some lower income areas of the country, it is understood that when a woman and man walk down the road together with the woman on the outside closer to the road and the man on the inside, then she is a prostitute and the man is her pimp. However, if the man walks on the outside with woman on the inside, then they are just a decent couple taking a walk.
There's some good advice in here, but it's buried in a pile of stupid advice and sexist assumptions. Don't ever use your husbands razor or blow your nose in front of him! He might remember that you're not a fembot!
And some of this is just obvious. Of course you let your boyfriend go hang out with the boys. Does anyone not get this?
Did "vomit on his shoes" make the list? Because that is precisely what this list would make me do. Poor darling.
Regarding the walking-on-the-streetside thing:
I had a(n ex-)boyfriend from New York who also insisted on walking street-side. He stated it's because guys kept their women to themselves, and that if he let me walk street-side it meant he was a pimp showing his wares.
Then I move down south and end up walking street-side one night and get my arse smacked by a guy in the passengers side of a moving car. He told me it was because I was street-side and hence a whore.
(and he wonders why I broke up with him...)
Seriously? wow.
Somebody once gave me advice to avoid walking street-side because it can help cut down on heckling, but I hadn't heard anything about street-side meaning you're a whore.
What bullshit.
Reminds me of a Teen magazine article I read years back, on the sly (my mother would never let me read teen magazines...now I see why...and I've never read a "woman's" magazine (Cosmo, Elle, etc.) ever since) -- all about "how to get kissed" or "how to be a good kisser" or some other nonesuch (it had to do with kissing).
And I QUOTE -- I never forgot this:
"When it comes to kissing, it helps to let him take the lead."
Realize, this was being directed at pre-teen/teens whose potential partners, at the time, only had experience that went as far as the pilfered-from-dad porn collection.
How is that supposed to teach them -- or me, or US -- about kissing, or anything else, for that matter?
Personally, I feel that if you're a woman (in the literal sense of the word) you don't need bilge like this.
(And to answer the question: yes, more often than not, given the comments in their section, AOL IS for 12-year-olds...or those with their emotional maturity level...)
This is the reason I don't read women's magazines, or any "advice" columns about romance, dating or relationships. I make up my own. Like this one:
Dominique's rules of pleasing your honey.
1) Always write your own holiday and birthday cards for your friends and family. Your honey doesn't have time to do it for you! She needs to come home and just relax when she gets the chance. Be considerate. And don't forget to buy those presents yourself, too.
2) Have you noticed your honey is tired? Get her some bubble bath! Massage oil is also a great idea. Surprise her with a foot massage today.
3) Did you notice the house was a mess? That's your honey telling you it's your turn to pass the vacuum and pick up your things.
4) Don't forget to praise your honey when she does the dishes, makes the bed or does any dusting. It may be routine but she deserves recognition for all her efforts.
5) Home early? Be a real better half and make dinner.
6) Have an impromptu meeting? Phone and let her know.
Honestly, cleaning hair out of the drain and not using other people's hygiene items (such as razors) should be common courtesy when living with ANYBODY. (I've had these problems with female roommates too you know.)
As for burping and farting and the like, well, I know they're functions that sometimes can't be helped, but I'll be honest, I don't want to hear a guy do them in front of me either! Same for the letting go bit--I'd also expect a partner to keep themselves clean and take general care of themselves. Honestly, most of the stuff on this list is stuff where I'd want the guy to be the same towards me (understanding my schedule, understanding that sometimes I want to go out with my own friends, etc.) I don't feel I can really bash this list when I myself would want a lot of the same things from a partner.
I wouldn't have a problem with this list if it were re-titled "Ways to keep each other interested in a long term relationship" rather than specifically directed towards women as though it is all up to us to keep the spark alive.
Don't worry. In a couple of years we will get a simple name change through on a Private Members Bill in the House of Commons. The Civil Rights Act was right at the time because it got the necessary rights to the LGBT community faster than would have otherwise happened. In the typical British fashion we pragmatically fudged the issue bedroom furniture and moved on. All things considered I think the situation over here is better than in California!