That's really true. When I was 16, I didn't realize I was being sexually harassed by a boss. When I was 15, a guy grabbed my ass where I was working. I didn't realize it had a name until I was much older. I thought it was wrong, but I thought I was the problem.

Young women get enough confusing messages about their sexuality. The unacceptability of sexual harassment ought to be one of the strongest, clearest they get.

I don't think I (American, graduated high school in 2001) ever had any kind of "what to do in case of sexual harassment" seminar. It really seems like that ought to be something that is worked into a general comprehensive sex ed curriculum and taught to everyone in jr high at the latest. But yes, I am familiar with what you are talking about -- so many of my friends, and even I, were confused about what was even going on. We were young and inexperienced and had not yet really oriented ourselves to our sexuality, and it was hard to tell what was what, which is even more reason why we should provide young people guidance in these matters.

I couldn't agree more. The reaction I most often saw to sexual harassment when I was a teenager was confused tolerance. People would giggle about it and whisper in scandalized tones, but it was sort of like, "well, what can you do?"

I did have some sexual harassment education when I was in middle school. I graduated from high school in 2004, so I would have been in 7th grade in 98-99. We watched a video about sexual harassment, and I remember it made the rounds because it was pronounced "HAIRassment" instead of "harASSment." It talked about the difference between a "good touch" and a "bad touch" and did give the message that sexual harassment is not okay and should be reported to a trusted adult.

Some good news about the video, actually, is that we all found it hilarious because it seemed very outdated. It definitely had a late-80s early-90s "saved by the bell" look to it. This means that somebody thought to produce and distribute an educational video about sexual harassment aimed at middle-schoolers at least a decade ago.

I'm not sure it made a difference, though. I was sexually harassed a few times after seeing that video and didn't think to tell anybody about it. Once I was checking out an "animorphs" book at the library and the librarian asked me out on a date. Is that not... really sad? *sigh*

The first time I was sexually assaulted was when I was 11, in the school yard at my Catholic grade school. By three guys. They grabbed my budding breasts to humiliate me. I had no idea how to react to this. I guess no one thought any such education was needed for 11-year-olds. I think it ought to be mandatory education starting in Grade Four. The problem of course is that boys ridicule the education and the seminars and the girls want boys to like them and approve of them, so they keep quiet and just suffer. It's a constant cycle of oppression. Women who try to break it are ridiculed and demonized as joyless harridans. See the logic here? They're joyless because they won't let men get their kicks at their expense.

This is a huge problem. I was harassed at eighteen by a male "friend" who wanted benefits. He would put his hands on me repeatedly even after clearly being told no, and each time I would leave them there a few seconds longer before prying them off because I was getting more and more tired of dealing with it. We're taught that this is just how guys are; they want to feel you up, and they can't help themselves. It wasn't until three years later when I found a guy who would stop as soon as I told him to and ask permission before he tried stuff that I realized exactly how badly I'd been treated. Girls and women need to be taught that this isn't just the way that all men are, and that they can and should stand up for themselves. Guy number one never got held accountable for his actions; there can be no change if we don't realize that we don't have to put up with it.

I think it's also really hard for girls to react with outrage when no one else does, especially those in authority. If the people who are supposed to be protecting you and laying down the rules don't do anything, you sort of absorb that nothing can be done. When I was a junior in high school several guys in my Stagecraft class made a game out of seeing who could slap my ass (and that of one other girl) the most times. The teacher saw it, repeatedly, and never rebuked them or made them stop (unless it was disrupting instructions, but then he was telling them to stop interrupting his instructions, not to stop harassing their classmate).

I was incredibly shy and I was too embarrassed to push him to make them stop - after all, he'd already seen what they were doing and done nothing. I was also afraid that if I drew attention to it and he didn't do anything (or made some sarcastic crack, which was likely) things would get worse. I was a nervous wreck by the time the semester was up and spent every class period trying not to draw their attention. Even the guys harassing me commented on how I always hid behind one of my friends and hardly talked anymore. I didn't have the wherewithal to say, "That's because you're assholes who bother me and make me uncomfortable." But while that seems great in retrospect, remembering what they were like I still have to think that it was a power thing and that acknowledging that they bothered me would have just egged them on. I'm sure the teacher thought it was just teasing, or something, because that's just what high school kids do! If educators would get harsh and send the message that that is NOT OKAY, that'd be a big help.

It's also really strange, in your early teens, to go from being sexually invisible to suddenly having boys and adult men making suggestive comments to you or touching you inappropriately. You don't start out with the radar you eventually develop, and bemusement is kind of your only reaction. I know when I all at once emerged from my ugly duckling phase and started wearing a real bra and suddenly men old enough to be my father were leering at me, I was like a deer in the headlights. "What? Me? What?" Being touched by a stranger, especially in public where you think you should ostensibly be safe, is also a huge curveball. I think some part of my little adolescent brain just felt that someone surely ought to be yelling, "Hey! Unhand that girl!" Maybe a cop. ;) But people just kept walkin' on by, and I learned the joys of a well-placed elbow.