Today was my first day in an eight grade sex-ed class. An abstinence-only class, I might add. I honestly thought my private school would cough up something better than that.
It was everything I expected, which is not good.
Points of which I was not particularly happy:
- They supported the stereotype that women are the weaker ones in the relationship and that men only want sex (which is only true to an extent). They never even mentioned the possibility that girls might want to have sex just to have sex!
-The only reasons the teenage girls they talk about have sex is because of social pressure, they didn't even want the idea that people have sex because they like it planted in our heads.
-The instructor told the story of a smart senior who was accepted to Harvard, but she got pregnant and now she is 22 in a miserable marriage with three kids. The instuctor made the statement "Because she chose to have sex, she couldn't go to Harvard."
There are so many things wrong with that statement.
She chose to have sex, so she became pregnant;she chose to keep the baby, and did not try to find a way to juggle college and a kid. That is why she did not go to college. The instructor never even mentioned that she could have given it up for adoption or terminated the pregnancy. Abortion apparently doesn't exist in abstinence land.
More tomorrow on day two in my sex-ed adventures.
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Hearing about judgment in a sex-ed class is so odd. My class was so objective. "This is how pregnancy happens, this is the anatomy and this is how to prevent pregnancy and STIs". There is stuff it would've been good to add like healthy relationship stuff (which the government is now working on adding) but there's nothing I would take away from the sex-ed I received.
Mine, too - in grade 7 we learned about the mechanics of it, and then in grade 8 and 9 we talked more about safe sex and healthy relationships. All the information they gave us was accurate and objective. It boggles my mind when I hear about educators being required to lie to the students about safe sex - its sickening! Their job is to educate kids, not indoctrinate them.
Man, am I ever glad I live in Canada!
Me too. :)
I never knew that abstinence only sex education existed until I started hanging around on sites like feministing.
Of COURSE abortion doesn't exist in abstinence land . . . nor do condoms, birth control, or options for women.
It would be too hard to shame you into submission if there were, silly.
God, you are such a brave young woman!! When I was your age, I raised my hand and asked the sex ed teacher why the HELL we weren't getting comprehensive sex ed, when there were so many statistics out there showing it was bull crap. We had that AC Green Game Plan . . where that basketball player AC Green was a virgin when he got married at 36. (Good for you AC, but I like sex thanks) He responded with "I'm not sure, this is what they tell me to teach, everyone teaches abstinence."
SO yeah, this was the man in charge of teaching me sexual health.
Good luck babe, if you want to educate yourself I suggest
teenwire.org or sexetc.org . . . both awesome sites that I referred to quite a bit when I was your age (not that long ago, btw).
I've noticed in retrospect that many of the actual teachers who brought up the super triple importance of abstinence when I was in school didn't actually seem to believe it. They would give up after any sort of questioning, and I didn't even ask good questions.
I can also remember a few people who seemed really excited about abstinence coming to talk to us in 8th grade. They were just creepy.
When I was teaching at the alternative school we were told that we could lose some of our funding for the science classes if we didn't toe the abstinence line, so that probably accounts for the fake enthusiasm on the part of your teachers.
Weren't they just SO EXCITED?
We had one religious group come speak to us and they had a list of physical/relationship activities, I think they were color coded, like "Talking" was green and "Sexual intercourse" was red . . . and we were supposed to stay "as far from the red as we could." Meaning, if I could marry a dude whose hand I had never held, this group would be all about that!
We had to fill out anonymous surveys to help them see if their program was effective . . . though I know half of the students in my class were not virgins already at the time.
Either way, the point is - take your education into your own hands!!
I suffered through ab-only sex ed in 8th grade too (and 7th grade, and 9th grade...). I wish I had been assertive enough to make a fuss that they were teaching us BS.
One of my favorite "lessons": the teacher gave us each a Hershey's Kiss, and instructed us to bite off only the top, then re-wrap it. "Don't you want more?" Um, duh. I wanted it way before it was sitting on the desk before me.
One good thing I learned: how to say no. We actually sat across from a partner, and practiced saying "no" to various come-ons. It was very helpful when the guy I dated as a 15-year-old was pressuring me to have sex...although it would have been more helpful if I had been taught that in worthwhile relationships, there's no pressure.
Stay strong...
They always teach how to say no. Why don't they teach how to say yes? Or even better, why don't they teach how to ask someone to have sex? And how to receive a no graciously?
Can you ask questions? Because if so, you could ask specific questions:
* If I should want to have sex and not have children, what should I do?
* What are the basic differences between the "normal" and the "woman's" condom?
* How should I use them in the event I should want to have sex?
Okay, I've mentioned this before: I live in Holland. I've had my first sexed class when I was twelve. We practiced using a condom at age thirteen in class. We were flooded in information.
I appreciate that much more now...
I am really impressed with your maturity and willingness to question what you're taught in school.
If you feel confident enough, ask questions like Glauke suggests. Even if you're shut down by the teacher, maybe you'll get your classmates thinking.
It seems to me like the abstinence-only types would want kids to have a positive image of marriage and kids (as the only fulfilling life for a woman, in the conservative fundy imagination), so the portrayal of the would-be Harvard student seems inconsistent.
And I second Glauke's suggestion - ask lots of questions. But make sure you have a super innocent expression on your face so they don't think you're just a troublemaker.
Was that story about the "smart senior" even true? I have found that teachers often tell anecdotes that are urban legends or just rumors, unfortunately. Verification, please. I mean, it was sex after marriage that led to two other kids.
I know! Why dont they hand out a hand-out of some actual studies, or show a news clipping of the incident they claimed happened. Not offering stats and studies is disrespectful of the audience and their intelligence.