Yea, I have actually never outright experienced any biphobia, but with friends of mine who are gay, I have noticed an odd look or two when I first came out to them.

I can pass as a straight female, I have a boyfriend who I love with all my heart, and I have never had a relationship with a woman (although I have had sexual experiences with one.) So, somehow that makes me, as you stated, an attention-seeking heterosexual. It took me a very...long...time to come to terms with my bisexuality. I went to a Catholic school my entire life and so when I felt as if I was having these "unnatural feelings" I became a homophobe myself. I was projecting my self-loathing onto all queer peoples and I only learned that I was in denial the entire time when a friend of mine came out as bi; even though she was reviled by some for doing so (even her own friends) she was proud that she did so because she felt free. It was magical in a way, when I could finally come to terms with it myself after coming to college. I felt as if I could start anew and since my college is pretty liberal, I don't usually have a problem with telling people.

But then as I said, there are even some who are here, who are queer, and who probably are skeptical of my bi-sexuality.

One of my friends, a blogger, wrote an excellent post addressing her own biphobia. It was great. I've been the target of a lot of biphobia. Apparently, now, I have the "cred" because I appear LGBT in my relationship. Biphobia is really about essentializing identity, I think.

Some things of note from personal experience:

* I've never "been" with anybody, but identify as bi.

* For most of my life I've identified as "straight." It's a lot easier to "pass as straight" or whatever if you, you know, are id'ing as such. I made a conscious decision -- despite the complete lack of action -- to jump on the LGBT bus. Why? Because it was the honest thing to do. I don't exactly believe this has made me super-popular.

* I am not a "self-hating" gay man. It would be self-hating to say, "oh, all those feelings I've felt for women over the years -- that was just a lie." Because they weren't -- they were *very* real.

* If I were simply gay, I would have "come out" many years ago. In my case and I would imagine in many others, id'ing as "bi" takes a lot more time to accept that you like *both* sexes. Because it's so easy to say, "well I have just feelings for guys -- that's normal for a straight guys? right? right? ::crickets::" It's a lot easier for a bisexual person to be in denial than it is for a person who is clearly and unambiguously homosexual or heterosexual.

* Of course for me, I was terrified to id as "bi" because of the unique boat I'm in -- I am also at least a little bit transgendered. It was a heck of a lot easier to start id'ing as bi than it was to tell my friends and loved ones, "yeah, I like wearing women's clothes, and frankly sometimes I think there's something completely wrong with my body."

* Of course, why is it that biphobics want to strike just the "B" out of "LGBT"? I think we all belong in one big boat together. But, clearly if we were going to play "which one of these things doesn't belong," it would be the T community. There are many cross-dressers, and groups like Tri-Ess, that are insistent that cross-dressing is a "heterosexual" activity, almost like they'd rather just say, "we're just a bunch of straight boys in drag." I don't feel that way at all, but yeah, the natural fault line in the LGBT community ought to be (assuming there must be one somewhere -- which is silly) between the LGB's and "heterosexual cross-dressers."

* At any rate, you're completely right. You build a movement with addition, not subtraction. I don't even fucking understand this whine about "straight privilege." Yes, I can still marry a woman if I want to (and she wants to, notwithstanding the fact there is a non-trivial possibility that it might end up being more like a lesbian relationship). But in terms of the way I am perceived -- if everyone knew how I felt and what I was up to (and most of the people I care about already do) -- I'd be viewed as a pervy sinner weirdo. I'm pretty sure that's the OPPOSITE of "straight privilege." If I wanted to maintain said "straight privilege" I would claim to be "straight" and stop dressing in drag. So f*ck them.

~ Gwen

At college in SC I experienced a lot of sexist biphobia (and a lot of sexism... and a lot of homophobia). A very conservative friend of mine was outspoken about his religious beliefs regarding homosexuality, and spent a lot of time debating LGBT issues with me. He is smart and respectful, so it was always an engaging debate. One weekend his girlfriend made a joke about leaving him for her roommate and he got very enthusiastic, encouraging the two girls to experiment, let him watch, stream the event online, etc. I was furious, and called him on the hypocracy right away. We ended up in a huge fight.

I thought we'd been debating the rights of any person who didn't prescribe to a heternormative lifestyle. Apparently he was only interested in stripping the rights of non-hetero men. Women could swing any which way as long as he could watch.

Needless to say I lost all respect for him. I can accept a person having religious beliefs which I don't agree with as long as those beliefs aren't oppressing the rights of others. I can not abide someone using religion to justify their sexist, phallocentric hate.

Wow. That first comment is just...stunning. It shouldn't surprise me, because I can't count the number of times I was asked during the time between my coming out as bi and my first homo relationship, "How do you know?" Seriously? Just because I've never been with a woman, you think I don't know that I'd like to? How do straight virgins know they're straight, then?

But until this past year, I've always been in hetero relationships, and yeah, I've been accused of "passing" a number of times. In fact, that may actually have influenced to some degree my interest in polyamorous relationship structures. Now I can say, "Yes, I'm dating a man (two men, in fact), but I'm also dating one woman and casually sleeping with another. NOW will you accept my sexuality as real and shut the hell up about how I'm just a closeted lesbian or an attention-seeking straight?"

And then of course there's the ever-fun experience of being a bisexual chick at a party. If it comes up at all in the presence of your average guy, the immediate response is, "That's HAWT. If I find a hot chick, will you make out with her for us?"

*fumes* I blame Katy Perry.

They started a nonmonosexual (the term "bisexual" implies a gender binary, a concept with which I as well as the group's founder disagree) support group on campus recently at UCI. We discussed biphobia. Generally, it falls into two categories: either we nonmonosexuals are crazed nymphos who will just have sex with anyone and everyone, or we're actually gay but just afraid to give up hetero privilege.

It's such a pain in the ass have to explain myself to people, because my casual references to having dated guys and girls are supposedly "confusing." It's not confusing and I am not confused. I tell people that I am attracted to others based on things like wit and attractiveness, not their genitals' shape -- basically, "hearts, not parts." One of the arguments I'll use are straight virgins, but one that I find works even better is a simple question. I'll ask them why they love whom they love. After they're done describing the answer, I'll remark that "vagina" or "penis" wasn't on the list. To me, straightness and gayness seem ridiculous -- why would you care what "equipment" someone is packing? -- but it's not up to me to determine who someone is attracted to. I just wish people extended me that same courtesy.

I think that a lot of female nonmonosexuals find themselves in relationships with men for a few reasons. Firstly, availability: at the biggest estimate, maybe 10-15% of women will date other women; many of those women, unfortunately, will not even consider dating women who also date men. That leaves a lot more men from whom to choose than women. Secondly, although you'd think that nonheteros would be beyond this, a lot of(not all!) women who date women are somewhat passive and won't take charge, as they've internalized society's take on men's vs. women's roles in dating, even when men are out of the picture. Between biphobia in lesbians, the limited number of available lesbians, and the social roles we all follow to some degree, it's no wonder most nonmonosexual women are in relationships with men.

Ah, this is an issue near and dear to my heart. (Brief) storytime:

I came out to my parents and friends as a lesbian when I was about 14. I was in a serious (as teens can be) lesbian relationship at the time and I thought I'd figured myself out. Having always been a tomboy and felt like an "outsider", I became very comfortable in my queer identity. (I also vehemently believed that bisexuals should just "pick a side" already.)

4 years later, I fell in love with a man.

Confusion! Chaos! Temporary loss of identity! Minor self-loathing!

All I can say is thank god I pushed through that and continued to investigate the relationship despite my fears and uncertainties, because it's been incredibly rewarding and I've learned so much about myself.

However, at first I definitely felt as if by dating a man, I was "forsaking" my lesbian sisters, and I felt ostracized from the community. Now I feel like I don't have a "right" to voice my pain about homophobia, because I'm enjoying "straight privilege." I feel like I don't have a place in that community anymore, which is sad to me because it was so important to me in my formative teenage years. (Though, my feeling of being pushed out of that community did almost directly lead to my discovery of feminism as I know it now, which has been incredibly illuminating!)

I also think that in some ways coming out as bisexual is almost more difficult than just coming out as gay. I've had to come out to my family and friends twice, essentially- as lesbian, and then as bisexual (although I don't label myself that when I discuss it). While I had no problems telling people I was gay before, now it feels like I can't explain my situation without giving people more information than they really need or care to know. I'm with a man, yes, but my past relationship with a woman was an important part in my life, and I'm still attracted to women- it wasn't "a phase." In casual conversations with people I'm not particularly close to, I find myself censoring- no, lying, saying "oh, my old friend" rather than "ex-girlfriend". Feeling the need to do this even while in a relationship I can be comfortably public about is still incredibly painful to me.

*sighs* I don't know... I feel quite a lot of guilt over the fact that I'm a bisexual in a hetero relationship, and therefore, I get to indulge in the easiness of heteronormative privilege in society's eyes, and keep my 'other' life to the side..

My personal story is this: I realized I was bi when I met my best friend (who was also bi) and fell quite madly in love with her. The problem was that we were both in heterosexual relationships at the time. We ended up embarking on a brief, but intense affair... which ended rather dramatically and messily, and she ended up getting engaged to her male partner. I slowly rebuilt my relationship with my male partner (we had been together since high school ... he was the one who helped me discover that I had a sex drive ... she was the one who helped me discover how diverse and complex my sexuality was). I essentially had a decision to make, and I chose to stay with my boyfriend. Was it an easy decision? No. Was it the socially acceptable decision? Yes. Do I regret that I will forever be confined to one side of my identity? Yes.

Anyway, my point is that, although people who identify as bi can end up in heterosexual relationships, they still have incredibly unique problems which need to be addressed. In a society that values complete monogamy, how can you be happy knowing that one part of you can't truly be fulfilled?

Yeah, I'm bi and when I came out to my mom she f***ing flipped. I felt SO mortified after. On top of that I have a hard time with the label myself because I've never actually had a relationship with a girl, and thus don't feel credible at all. But the attraction I feel is unmistakable. It's amazing how much of it I was able to bury for so long. I was completely hetero-identified all through high school. Now, in college, and with my burgeoning feminist consciousness (snd it's really thanks to feminism that I realized my bisexuality) I began to remember all the girls in JUNIOR HIGH that I was so achingly in love with. I was so young and confused then that I didn't even know what to call it. But in retrospect, and through a feminist and pro-LGBT rights lens, I see the truth, and it is sweet. That being said, I can't wait til I hook up with a girl! :D

*hugs and kisses to my fellow bi's*

CRAP! They're onto my vile, homophobic agenda!

But seriously, I've never been in a relationship with a woman, which leaves me with some guilt about my LGBT street cred. I'm a fiercely proud ally, but I often think that I'm really not anything more. After all, I do live a life of hetero-privilege.

It probably doesn't help that I don't hang around with many positive bi influences. All of my friends are either straight, fiercely homosexual, or self proclaimed "bi-at-the-bar."

I'm somewhat out, though. Not to my parents, just most of my friends, and my sister, thanks to some mutual friends and an interesting evening at the bar involving a few too many long island iced teas and a LOUD conversation I was having with a mutual friend of ours about how hot the chick in the next booth was.

All personal ranting aside, I agree the poster probably has some bisexual tendencies that he's having trouble working out. Or he's just action packed with hate and couldn't keep it inside anymore. Or both.

Don't let the haters get you down! BI PRIDE! WOOO!!

You know I appreciate your comment in general, but it could have done with out this:

"Bisexuals are hated more than homosexuals since homophobes hate them because they're not straight and plenty of pro-gay and gay people hate them because of stupid stereotypes."

You know, it's not about "who is hated more" and "who has it worse"...And trust me, any person, whether you are bisexual or not, going into an LGBT community, or any community for that matter, and saying "we're hated more than you guys"/"we have it worse" is going to get you a LOT of dirty looks. I don't know anything about your attitude when you are around lesbians and gays, but if it's anything similar to this, sorry, but I'm not all that surprised if you don't ummm, feel all that welcomed. (sorry if that sounds a bit harsh)

I'm not going to get too into it here, because it's just too much to cover...but I just wanted to mention that I actually do understand where some of the resentment that lesbians and gay men have for bi people originates from. One thing I think is important to point out, is that the motivation for the biphobia in the lesbian community, is a little different than the biphobia in hetero society. (Straight homophobes tend to lump gays, lesbians, bis, trans, all together with a nice big "you immoral freaks!" and maybe a mention of "god", "jesus" and "HELL!!!" here and there. However, from a lesbian perspective, part of what it has to do with is whether or not a bi person is a beneficiary of a certain degree of hetero privilege (whether intentionally or unintentionally)...and to what degree you are aware or not aware of this privilege and its effects. Another factor has to do with lesbian identity, male patriarchy and an historically oppressed group partly due to the absence of any association with men (one of the articles I linked to talks about this as well as the history of the lesbian separatist movement).

Now, Granted, this guy is being a total douche, and I don't agree with what he is saying. But the community is huge and diverse, so obviously you are going to come across lots of different feelings and opinions on this subject. The younger generation tends to be more open to different types of identities whether trans, queer, bi, etc...you even have many lesbian women freely adopting the bisexual label as they start to view sexuality as more "fluid" than "fixed". Queer theory actually has quite a bit to say about bisexuality and lesbianism/lesbian communities. Really there's so much to say about this subject and the various politics behind it all, I can't even begin to get into it all here. Instead I'll just refer to some articles:
HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE

When you (that's a general "you", I'm not talking to anyone directly) say that bisexuals enjoy privilege that lesbians/gays don't, it seems to me that you're assuming that these bisexuals are in heterosexual relationships.
I'm bi, or "pan sexual" if you want, and in a committed, monogamous, long term relationship with another bisexual woman, and we still deal with homophobia from our peers, co-workers and especially our families. And being bi, people will use the argument that if we don't want to deal with the harassment or discrimination then why don't we just stick to men and make the whole thing easier on everyone.

I'm not trying to personalize my argument or victimize myself here, because I most certainly am no victim and am very happy with my life and my relationship, but I'm just pointing out that bisexuality doesn't automatically exempt you from homophobia or lend you privilege- those come from being in a hetero relationship.

Well sexuality is so diverse and complicated it suxs that we have to put labels too it. And that it is such a big issue. When I was in high-school I was told that people who were bi were just "trying to get attention" and that stuck with me. Then in my first semster of college I took a human sexuality course and now I look at sexuality in a whole different way. I think I am bi... still exploring my sexuality. I think that not thinking of sexuality label-wise is awesome and just as it is, you know.

augh, thats awful and disgusting.

I am Bi and i am proud of my sexuality!
I came out when i was about 14 and since then i've made love with both male and female folks and its all good.
I really don't see why people would expect me to feel ashamed of my sexuality.
I mean, i know that homophobia is prolly more prevalent than biphobia but the fact that the gay community would turn on bi's for not being completely like them?!
Its really confusing. Its a big mess.

whatever. all of this phobic attitude is just getting old. Doesn't it shock anyone that homophobia and biphobia and transphobia [and etc because i know i'm missing a bunch] is still around? It feels like the human race stopped its progress as soon as some major 'roadblocks' [ie: lgbt rights, womyn's rights...] were seen on the horizon. Its like the patriarchy just decided to say
"ok, time to get back on the high horse. we've got to barricade common sense and just hate on EVERYONE"
:\ theend

I am responding to those of you who have commented referring to lesbians and gay men who you seem to think have legitimate reasons to discriminate against bi's for endorsing heterosexual priveledge and undermining the LGBT political agenda. It is rediculous to be a political group based on equality and support discrimination against others. It is incredibly selfish to put your own interests (political or otherwise) ahead of the happiness of another human being. As a bisexual woman I am disgusted that that kind of arguement would even be brought up here. Here! where we are all supposedly able to speak our minds in a safe environment! I happen to like both penis and vagina (and the hearts that come with them) and LGT people who discriminate against that are no better than homophobic heterosexuals.

Categorizing the crap out of everyone does no good for the movement, by the way. It segregates us and makes it all the more difficult, once we are broken up into tons of tiny little groups, to accomplish anything.
EVERYONE in the LGBT Community has my support. EVERYONE.

I am responding to those of you who have commented referring to lesbians and gay men who you seem to think have legitimate reasons to discriminate against bi's for endorsing heterosexual priveledge and undermining the LGBT political agenda. It is rediculous to be a political group based on equality and support discrimination against others. It is incredibly selfish to put your own interests (political or otherwise) ahead of the happiness of another human being. As a bisexual woman I am disgusted that that kind of arguement would even be brought up here. Here! where we are all supposedly able to speak our minds in a safe environment! I happen to like both penis and vagina (and the hearts that come with them) and LGT people who discriminate against that are no better than homophobic heterosexuals.

Categorizing the crap out of everyone does no good for the movement, by the way. It segregates us and makes it all the more difficult, once we are broken up into tons of tiny little groups, to accomplish anything.
EVERYONE in the LGBT Community has my support. EVERYONE.