*hug* I sympathize - you're absolutely right that, in our society, woman's hair is seen as incredibly important. If you choose to wear it short/shaved you're seen as weird and not-feminine. Going bald is an even bigger taboo - it's not that uncommon to see bald men who just embrace it, but bald women are very rare. You shouldn't feel bad for having an emotional reaction to your hair loss (particularly as its due to medical problems and work stress, which I'm sure has made life harder just in general and then to have to deal with this on top of everything else...) - it's perfectly normal and I'm sure if my hair started falling out I'd freak out too. Let yourself grieve and then - have fun with it. Just as having long hair gives women the opportunity to experiment with different styles and colors, try to see this in the same light - a chance to play around with your style.

I'd also suggest poking around the Internet and seeing if you can find a support group of other women with similar situations - it might help give perspective and ways to cope with your perfectly natural reactions. Again, *hugs* and good luck!

This really touched a nerve. I have trichotillomania, which means I compulsively pull out my hair. In high school, the only people who knew were my parents, boyfriend and therapist. I became an expert at fixing my ponytail to cover up the bald patches and using hair spray to flaten the spiky clumps of growing hair. Eventually, with therapy and medication, I got to a point where I only pull a little and my hair grew back, but it still gets worse when I'm stressed.

You aren't the only woman out there who doesn't have a full head of hair, and I found that reading Web sites of other balding women helped me a lot. In the short term, maybe a hairdresser could show you a style that would make it less obvious. I was too embarassed to get my hair cut for about two years (I cut it myself at home - still do sometimes to save money), but now I wish I had had help in covering my scalp. Also, would therapy help you de-stress enough for your hair to grow back? I don't know anything about allopecia, but you said yours was stress related. Some other things that helped me were having my boyfriend tell me I was pretty and sometimes wearing pretty scarves as head coverings. I think you can probably find Web sites about how to tie a scarf into a headdress.

Good luck. You aren't alone and you are still beautiful. I promise.

:::gives you a hug:::

do the wig thing! take this as an opportunity to do the glamed-up drag queen diva thing you've probably always wanted to try! i know i have! play with it. take a sad thing and make it your own. make it as beautiful as you are!

remember: humor helps any situation.

There are supposrt groups for this. My sister lost most of her hair during a very stressful time, and was feeling awful about it. My grandma then revealed that she had also lost a lot of her hair when she was all stressed out finishing her degree while pregnant and with my grandpa off at war, but that it grew back when her stress level got better. My sister's did grow back in about a year and a half. But she discovered a lot of online support groups, and some of the members had some great suggestions.

I'm very sorry to hear about all the stressful things you're going through. Aren't our bodies just infuriating sometimes when they respond to stress by doing things that are stressful (hair loss, IBS...)?

I've been thinking a lot lately about how our hair is so wrapped up in our self image and how as feminists we know we shouldn't put all our confidence into appearance, but at the same time we need to be allowed to care about our appearance without being called shallow. I wish I had the answers. I've written a little on my blog about my own struggle with going gray at an early age. Bald women are common in my mom's family so I'm stressing about future baldness too, although haven't had to actively deal with it yet.

Feeling for you :)

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I've got standard issue hair thinning (baldness runs on my dad's side of the family). It's not that big a deal but nonetheless I've felt the loss a lot more than the more run of the mill age related things like wrinkles or my perimenopausal muffin top.
If you haven't done so already, get your thyroid and hormones checked. They may be exacerbating the situation. I've also managed to reduce my hair loss by getting it cut above the split ends so I don't have to yank on it with the brush every morning. I started using Nioxin (shampoo geared to balding men) since my boyfriend uses it and it seemed to be good for my dandruff. Much to my surprise I seemed to stop shedding in the shower.
Good luck with everything!

Keep breathing. It stinks right now but life's only constant is change. Maybe a little meditation to help with the stress? Be kind to yourself too - don't be too critical about feeling bad about it, it's ok to cry. I don't have your problem but others have let me experience the frustration and upset that happens when your body does things you don't want it to.

I remember in a book my mother had in the 70's 'The Natural Way to Super Beauty' (that makes me laugh now) had a thing about a wheat germ pack encouraging hair growth - less expensive than Rogaine.

Glad you came to "talk" about this here. I think you're brave, strong (my god what a couple of years you've stood up to!!) and beautiful and I can't even see your hair.

I sympathize, and no, I don't think you're overreacting.

I can't offer any advice, but I can direct you to some cute cats...

http://www.townsvillebulletin.com.au/images/uploadedfiles/editorial/pictures/2008/05/12/puss.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK2635O-AUU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLAMcitX1yc

Thank you for sharing your story here. obviously you've made some people feel less alone, at the very least, and its incredibly brave and generous for you to let this community in on your struggles.

I hope things begin to resolve themselves for you soon. I can tell that you're strong because you've been able to put words to your anxieties in a way that most people either can't or don't. really, I admire you, and I don't even have to see you to do it.

Losing hair to alopecia is like losing a part of yourself..so to feel the loss like you're grieving is actually normal.

Looking in the mirror and seeing a changed self image is not easy, but the good news is that while it's a shock and initially depressing, women do get through it and come out stronger and even more self confident than ever.

The early stages where you look and feel different than the you you're used to are challenging.There are testimonials at our website that will be encouraging....no woman with this is alone nor should she feel alone.

Let us know where you are and hopefully you can have the chance to meet other women like us who've lost our hair to alopecia. In March 2009 we have meet-ups scheduled for San Francisco, Seattle and New York.

Thea,founder
http://www.baldgirlsdolunch.org
The only nonprofit support network created specifically for women with alopecia areata.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your story of this, unfortunately, stigmatized topic. To you, as with most women, alopecia has been emotionally devastating and I believe that your discussion of this now personal subject demonstrates a desire for self-awareness and re-evaluation of the systems at play.
Alopecia for you may signal balding in your hair, however alopecia upon the identity "woman" symbolizes something much more than hair lost from the body. You may be familiar with the difference between signs and symbols. Signs point to things, symbols point to things much larger than themselves. Unfortunately, you are being forced, by the situation, to confront this social system, one which disallows ambiguity between men and women for the purpose of upholding the exploitation embedded in the family structure. Alopecia in women points to the fact that men and women are not always visually distinguishable and, conversely, that enacting discrimination based on those assumed differences is void.
However, I am not saying that you don't have to embrace femininity or that you can't grieve for your loss. As Foucault explains, the sexual binary is instated by the enticing promise of "life." That is, if you do everything to fit into your gender and happily marry and bear children, you will receive life. Thus, you may be experiencing a grief comparable to the grief over a loved one. So, I urge you to grieve. grieve as much as possible. Grieve that you are not, at the moment, fitting neatly into the patriarchal system. Rage for the failed promise of life. Sweat for the embarrassment society is placing upon you for easily relegating you to the "unnatural" side to the "natural/unnatural" binary. Laugh for the fear of striving against it.
Grieve. Rage. Sweat. Laugh.
And know, all the while, that we are all here to do the same with you.

I'm sorry for your hair loss and the emotional pain you're experiencing.
Loss is a challenging part of life.
When we say we love life and choose it again and again each day- we are also choosing the pain. We grow from it.

You are more than your hair, limbs, body, you are more.
You are spirit.
That is your glory.

I do not know what it is to have severe hair loss, when I was bald, I chose it. My perception of beauty was not mainstream then and I suppose it still isn't cause when I look at pictures of my bald self from the 80's- I see beauty and recall the freedom I felt.

Most of my friends wear wigs and have had extensions- especially when I was living in NOLA, and I can say that I envied the variety of looks.

I hope you'll feel some ease whether your hair grows back or not- and accept the beauty you are, rather than the comparison of beauty that is actually just a cultural construct.

"Your sorrow is your Joy in another reflection"
Lakota saying

This has to be really hard for you - it's so hard to not have control over your body.

My sister had a rare disease that they treated with chemo, and she lost her hair. She was very young, and she didn't really fully understand what was happening to her, and she longed to have hair. I remember her sitting on the floor with me, petting my hair and wondering to herself why she didn't get any.

One of my online friends, who was diagnosed with alopecia shaved her head. She said it made her feel more in control. Maybe this could be something for you? She said it felt like every time her hair fell out, she was just watching herself fall apart, and when she shaved it, she was challenging the alopecia and made it listen to her.

Everyone here pretty much said what I wanted to say. You know, let yourself grieve it and don't feel bad about feeling upset. This is hard. Find someone to talk to who does understand - I'm sure your partner means no harm, but it can make you feel more lonely. The internet is a great place to connect with others for something like this.

I'll be thinking of you, and I'm posting a link from Craigslist that your post reminded me of, and maybe you won't feel so alone.

Cancer Rant on Craigslist. Number 3 addresses hair loss and her feelings on it.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My mom went through a very stressful seperation and divorce last year and lost a lot of her hair. It was very difficult for her to work up the courage to admit it and talk about it. Even then, most of her family and friends didn't want to hear it; it made them too uncomfortable.

You're absolutely right; we live in a society where women are "supposed to have hair." But more women have the problems that you are having and that my mom had than people realize. Most people prefer to pretend that women just don't lose their hair.

Once again, I really admire your honesty about this. I can't imagine how I would handle the same situation. I hope that you can find some kind of peace with it whatever happens or whatever you decide to do.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My mom went through a very stressful seperation and divorce last year and lost a lot of her hair. It was very difficult for her to work up the courage to admit it and talk about it. Even then, most of her family and friends didn't want to hear it; it made them too uncomfortable.

You're absolutely right; we live in a society where women are "supposed to have hair." But more women have the problems that you are having and that my mom had than people realize. Most people prefer to pretend that women just don't lose their hair.

Once again, I really admire your honesty about this. I can't imagine how I would handle the same situation. I hope that you can find some kind of peace with it whatever happens or whatever you decide to do.

Thank you, everyone for your kind words.

I have a couple of friends who are going to go wig shopping with me, to hold me hand if I start to cry. The husband is totally on board with the whole shaving my head and getting wigs. In fact, he sits down and wig shops online with me. I'm not ordering anything until I get a fitting, but I have several likely candidates picked out, from very similar to my actual hair to the long blonde curls I always wanted.

Thank you for your support!

Please Save My Hair....just a little contribute..please:)

http://www.pleasesavemyhair.info

Jonathan

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