Well, I think everyone knows this story. I'm on the pill, so my period is pretty regular, but now it's about 9 days late. I bought a pregnancy test at the drugstore (under the disapproving stare of the middle aged male clerk) and SURPRISE! I'm pregnant.
I love babies. I really do. There is nothing that I want more than to get married and have a whole pack of screaming brats, honestly. Domestic bliss, right? But right now...well. My boyfriend and I are both broke and in school. My health is really iffy. I've been drinking heavily every weekend (and then some) for the past month. And did I mention that I'm broke? So I think everyone here can guess what's coming next...
Yep, you guessed it. The big A. (And I'm not talking about adoption.) This isn't something I've really been through before (at least not myself) and it's scary. I'm lucky enough to live in a wonderful city in a wonderful country that has safe, free access to abortion. So I figured I might as well take advantage of my situation and blag blog about it here. :)
So this is my first post in the series. The "omg wtf I can't believe this happened" post. More cohort posts coming soon.
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Were you using condoms with this guy? Cause a guy friend of mine insists that if you use the pill and condoms, you're unlikely to get pregnant, but I'm extremely doubtful about that.
Well, I hope everyone around you is supportive. As long as it is YOUR decision, it's probably the right decision.
Well of course, the more contraception you use (correctly) the less likely you are to conceive. The more roadblocks that need to be bypassed the safer you are. That doesn't mean it would be 100% effective of course!
I use DepoProvera injections and have been VERY happy with them. Some people are uncomfortable using this type of hormonal BC and it can have side effects (like everything else) but it might be something to look into for later. I have had no problems with it and LOVE the fact that I have no periods :D
I'm very sorry that you have to have an abortion :( It's expensive and invasive and no fun! I've never had one myself but I have helped friends through the time. Make sure you are able to rest and eat some ice cream afterwards. Wear comfy pants and watch funny dvds.
You'll be OK and that is SUCH an amazing thing that your city's safe abortion is actually FREE let alone affordable. Good luck!
"Cause a guy friend of mine insists that if you use the pill and condoms, you're unlikely to get pregnant, but I'm extremely doubtful about that."
Unlikely yes, but not impossible. I did back in college.
mayfly, good luck to you...
You have my sincerest sympathies. This can't be a fun experience for you.
Remeber that if you decide not to abort, you've still got about eight months to get your finances straightened out (although in this economy, it's not likely I guess).
So yeah, hugs and support.
Hey, I had one last year, medical because I was under ten weeks along. If you want to talk about it, let me know and I'll leave my email. My situation was fairly similar to yours.
Good luck.
I'm sorry you and your boyfriend are faced with this, but I wish you both all the best. I hope he or a good friend can be there to support you, but, if not, the Feministing Community will be--in a figurative sense, anyway.
Whenever I hear about "disapproving" cashiers at drugstores, I just have to wonder what these folks' issues are.
Somebody about whom you know nothing is buying a pregnancy test.
You don't know whether or not they're married.
You don't know whether or not they have the intention to bear a child or abort the fetus.
You don't know whether or not the biological father is in the picure.
You really know absolutely nothing about the person...ah, well...not quite true, is it?
--You know phenotype. (And damned if a young woman with an Hispanic, Native or African phenotype will not get the evilest of evil eyes).
--You know age presentation (And damned if a woman who looks like she could be a teenager will not get the evilest of evil eyes).
--You can try to (prejudicially) guess economic situation from clues of clothes and grooming (bigots think they can find these clues and that they mean something).
In order for me to wrap my head around the sheer idiocy of "disapproving" of a woman simply wanting to KNOW if there's an entity/potential human inside her own body, I must hope one of these three factors was involved.
I'm guessing you present as very young, but correct me if I'm wrong.
But,
That then raises the point that they still can have no earthly business over your situation.
For all they know, you could be the teenage victim of incest/sexual assault, desperate to know if the violation of her body has resulted in a pregnancy.
Would their lips pinch so tightly and their nostrils flare with disgust if they knew THAT little factoid?
Bleh, I can't stand people for whom passing judgment is a hobby.
Don't forget this important thing a "disapproving" cashier can tell about a woman buying a pregnancy test: She had sex.
Mayfly, I wish you the best of luck. Sorry you had to deal with a nasty clerk. I've never had to deal with an unplanned pregnancy, but I think I'd also choose abortion if I became pregnant, as I'm in a similar place in my life to you (at least judging from what you've related here). It's really great you can get an abortion for free; I'd actually never heard of that.
My sympathies for the stressful situation you're in. I know if I was in your place, I'd be a wreck, so for you to be able to write so calmly about it is really admirable. (Of course, I'm crazy and neurotic. Ha ha!)
Most of the time, you should feel safe and secure in using a hormonal birth control pill as your sole form of birth control. However, there are a couple things that may compromise its effectiveness and cause the Breach in Security you've experienced: missing the pill several days in a row, frequent vomiting or diarrhea (which can flush the pill before your body has time to absorb it), taking the pill at irregular times of the day (this is mostly if you're taking a mini-pill with lower hormones, since you won't be covered all day if you're not careful), certain antibiotics, and so on. The pill just doesn't have the effect on some women that it should, so occasionally you'll get unlucky and remain fertile despite your best efforts. It's not common, but it does happen enough that you won't have a hard time finding women in similar situations online.
There's a lot of other awesome methods of birth control you can also use, and a lot of awesome support communities that can help you through this and figure out how to hedge your bets and keep it from happening again. I STRONGLY recommend VaginaPagina on LJ (an awesome sexual health community), which is very feminist, strongly enforces safe-space rules, and has a lot of cool, helpful people frequenting it.
One time I had a pregnancy scare and went to a Walgreens to get a test (I've since discovered the much-cheaper Dollar Store pregnancy tests, which work just as well but won't break the bank). I didn't get the unfriendly clerk, but the guy working there still seemed to want to talk about it an awful lot. I'm not sure what about buying the test seemed to put a flashing sign over my head that said "my personal life is suddenly your business!" but there you go. Once an embryo/fetus is involved, people seem to think your womb has become public property and open for judgment/discussion. It's no fun at all.
Good luck!
You can get really cheap pregnancy tests if you order them online in packs of 10. They're handy to have around so you don't have to go to the store when you're freaked out.
I'm proud that you were able to post something like this. I think it was bold and empowering of you to do so. I know that I could easily be in your situation - though I take many precautions, as you seem to do, not to be - and I truthfully have no idea how I would feel about having an abortion at that point. However, the reason I am pro-choice is not for me, but for women like you. You know what you want and what you need, and you know that bringing a child into the world at this point in your life would be detrimental to you both (or all three of you as the case may be). I am glad you have taken some of the shame away from abortion by announcing your decision here without being apologetic. Thank you for that.
Ditto. It is really brave of you to share your experiences, and I think it is also really important for women to break the silence about abortion.
I took Misoprostol in order to get my IUD in. Misoprostol is a medication that can be used to dialate the cervix and is used in some abortions. If you want to talk about what that was like (if you think you might get the same medication) email me.
Good luck.
Gah, that sucks. I would love it if bc was 100% effective, no matter how one took it or what one did with it.
Damn. Sorry.
If you need information on anything I've got it, pamphlets, videos, 1,000 upon 1,000's of condoms....being a sex educator rocks in that way.
Keep us posted, and hopefully it will all work out well.
I find it fascinating that there are people offering birth control advice that the poster didn't ask for. Like she was ignorant or somehow her bc's failure was definitely her fault as opposed to chance or a faulty medication. She's on the pill. It failed. Sometimes that just happens. If she wants to switch contraceptives after this, fine, but she didn't mention it.
Anyway, good luck, I'm sorry you have to go through this, and *hug*
I have to say I'm personally most disturbed not by the desire to stay at home, but how they feel one of their major roles is to please men sexually, and that they have this "confirmed" by boyfriends or SO's. To me, that's INCREDIBLY degrading- not only in that you're giving your view of your self-worth entirely to another person, but especially as a victim of child sexual abuse, where my abuser viewed my purpose in life bedroom furniture to be sexually gratifying him.
I don't know, maybe that's just how I see it, but that just struck me as... ew.