I put this in Random because I couldn't find any other category it fit into.
I have a great relationship with my father. We often go to the movies and shopping and many other events. As a baby he was my primary caretaker as my mother was attending nursing school at the time. This may be part of the reason I have such an emotional attachment to him. He was also a teacher at my high school. It had it's down sides like he knew about everything that happened there. But it was also good as I was constantly bullied and sent to the office crying. He was there to calm me down.
But it often seems to me that I'm the only one with this sort of relationship with my father. All my friends have negative feelings towards their fathers. In most cases, I don't blame them as they really did have crappy dads.
Then in popular culture we usually see dads like Homer Simpson. I won't deny I enjoy these shows due to their humor but why can't we get some good fathers on TV. A few years ago there was a show called Raising Dad which got canceled after one season. I watched it because it was about a girl whose father was a teacher at her school. But it was disappointing as the father kept telling embarrassing stories about his daughter to the class. Completely unrealistic.
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I suspect people are more likely to talk about it if it was bad, especially on sites like this.
Good fathers on TV? I don't see what makes Homer Simpson such a bad father, unless you would prefer to have Ned Flanders as your dad.
Are you kidding? Homer Simpson is a pretty horrible father. I can't even begin to list the ways he ignores, belittles, uses, and abuses his kids. I mean, I enjoy the comedy of the show and all, but if he were a real person those kids would be in foster care by now. (In fact they were, in one episode, but it was supposed to be a mistake).
Marge is better, since she at least tries to be a good mother. She screws up too in a lot of episodes but overall she's smarter (not saying much), nicer, and puts in more effort.
I don't see what makes Homer a predominantly bad father, rather than seeing him as a mixture of both the best and the worst traits of a father; while he ignores, belittles, uses, and abuses his kids, he also does show that he loves them, sometimes tries his best to make them happy (despite the outcome).
I didn't say he was the worst father possible, but he's pretty bad. You said you didn't see why he was a bad father, and I listed several reasons. I could list tons more, and go on indefinitely. That he also has some good qualities doesn't mean he hasn't done some pretty messed up things to his kids (and routinely chokes Bart for comic relief).
Why would you not rather say that those traits make him a WORSE father? Do his bad traits clearly outweigh his good traits, since you called him a bad father?
Looking at the results, it's quite apparent that Lisa is a genius, and Bart is at least inventive and street-smart, as opposed seriously disturbed kids like those of Ned Flanders.
Ned Flanders isn't the best father either, but he provides his kids with a stable and safe home environment, and doesn't abuse them.
Don't tell me Lisa is a genius *because* of her father.
And yet both of Flander's kids are far more disturbed than the Simpsons' kids.
If Homer would really be a bad father, his kids would most likely be disturbed, too, and he would surpress Lisa's genius rather than just ignore it. In fact, his best sides, which contradict an oversimplified portrayal of him as just a "bad father", mostly affect Lisa, even if his worst sides would make him a bad father towards Bart.
You know if you actually chillaxed and watched the Simpsons for more than ten minutes you'd probably see that they all love each other very much underneath it all. Especially Homer. He knows he couldn't get anything better than he did with Marge, Maggie, Lisa and Bart and you can tell he does actually love them unconditionally.
Even fathers who love their kids can be bad fathers.
Yeah, he does love them. That doesn't mean he doesn't do things like regularly choking Bart, destroying Lisa's science projects and bedroom, ignoring them both most of the time, making it clear he knows almost nothing about Lisa (there was an episode where on her birthday he said that her best friend was Maggie and she loves chicken nuggest, despite the fact that Maggie is a baby and Lisa is vegetarian), and most of the time forgetting Maggie even exists. He also encourages Bart to skip school, which should have gotten him in trouble with authorities.
Its a funny show and I like watching it, but I can't believe people are seriously arguing that Homer is a good father. I thought part of the premise of the show is that he's a very lazy and neglectful and selfish husband and father.
No, you're not the only one with a great dad - I'm very close to mine, too. I've always been closer to him than to my mom. My parents we're never really in a stable relationship, so ever since I was little, I was shuttled back and forth between homes, and I always preferred my dad's - he was the one who went out of his way to do things with me, to spend time with me. He still does, even though I'm in my 20's now.
My mom was/is emotionally and verbally abusive, so my dad has always been the parent that I go to and that I prefer to spend time with.
A lot of my friends have issues with their fathers (mostly for very good reason) but I always feel awfully out of place when they all talk about their dads . . . I'm the lucky one in that regard.
I have the opposite parent relationship, so my father isn't the best person in my life, *but* I know plenty of people with good dads, just like I know plenty of people with good moms. I think that people just don't feel the need to talk about their parents when everything is going peachy - we tend to need to vent on our problems, so the bad parents are given more airtime.
I also have a great relationship with both of my dads. My biological parents divorced when I was very young, and my mom remarried quickly. I don't remember not calling both my stepdad and my biological dad "dad."
My relationship with my mom has been very difficult due to some emotional and verbal abuse. My dads have always been there through that for me, and both have stuck up for me and given me a place to feel wanted and loved.
Even now, in my mid-twenties, when both of my families have younger children who take time and obligations that could get in the way of my relationship with either of my dads, they don't.
I could write a book on how both of these men did a fantastic job fathering either a daughter who wasn't "theirs" or a daughter they saw infrequently.
I've got to give my mom credit for something, she sure knows how to marry great guys (twice).
No, although horrible fathers (like mine) certainly seem to drive women to feminism!
I know. I was so pissed at my father when I was a toddler after seeing how much my mother spent time with me and he didnt. I could clearly see then that men thought they didnt need to put equal investment into the house. My dad not spending time with me was one of the reasons my mom divorced.
I love my daddy! Growing up he always said "Women should be the ones running the world" which led me in part to feminism. He always encouraged me in my beliefs and I loved having feminist debates with him growing up. I do, however, regret that he wouldn't let me run around naked from the top up when I was five, even though I had a perfectly good argument about how I didn't have boobs yet, and I looked just like a boy.
What's more surprising is my parents are divorced. Quote from my mom: "He was a terrible husband, but an amazing father." My parents were very good about not bashing each other, not making me choose, and making my time with them as equal as possible. Times might've been rough occasionally, but I really love both my parents.
My dad's pretty average, I think. He's made a fair few screw ups, and been crashingly insensitive at times, but he's also done a lot of great things for me and worked very hard so my brother and I could have the best of things. And now I'm 25, I do feel kind of sorry for dads dealing with teenage girls - I know that I was nightmarishly hostile between ages 13-18, and he probably didn't know how the hell to handle me most of the time.
With regards to feminism, my dad's been pretty cool. It's my mum who makes ridiculous comments like 'I wouldn't want to be on a plane if the woman pilot had PMS' and makes me want to cringe - it was my dad who recently commented that the acceptance of the Playboy Bunny as a 'cute symbol' was 'evidence of just how far the brainawshing has gone'. I do think fathers can instil feminism in their daughters just as well as mothers. It was also my dad who taught me how to change the tyres, oil and spark plugs on my car, how to calculate how much tax I should be paying, how to set up a pension plan and other much valued financial advice. He also came with me to a hearing to lower my council tax and helped present my case (we won!).
Oh, AND - when I got a review published in Bitch magazine, he was more than happy to go into Borders and ask for it by name without batting an eyelid. That really made me smile! I couldn't ask for more loyalty than that.
I love my dad! We have a great relationship and always have :) I also have a fantastic relationship with my mom. They're both psychologists so I think that has helped tons.
As a side note, my dad and I were the only two in my immediate family that voted for Hillary Clinton in the primaries (my mom and brother voted for Obama). I'm not saying that makes him better than my mom or anything, but I still thought that was pretty freaking awesome.
My dad rocks! My step-dad too. We may argue occasionally about some points of gender relations, or other politics, but they are actually from a different generation. So I cut them a little slack. Plus, I don't live anywhere near them, so I'm free of any day-to-day irritation.
Of course, if I wanted to find a few things to bitch about it wouldn't be at all difficult. They're also human after all. And circumstances not entirely in their control made things a little rough for all of us.
I think having well meaning, not particularly abusive dads can be very constructive for young women's egos when they get to that age (what is it these days? 9? 12?)when seemingly every other guy on the planet starts to treat you like the obstacle between themselves and your vagina.
You're not the only one! My dad was pretty much raised by two totally rad women (his mother and grandmother), and grew up to be pretty rad and respectful of women himself. His dad, from what I've heard about him, was/is really patriarchal and domineering, and rather than emulating him like my uncle did, my dad was driven to want to be nothing like his father. While my dad has had some issues with gender and sexuality stuff (it took him a little longer than my mom to come around about my being queer), he's someone who I think genuinely tries to be a good person and he's come around about a lot of things.
I can relate to feeling like the only person in the world who has a cool dad, though. Most of my friends have pretty bad relationships with their fathers. It makes me feel pretty lucky to have the dad that I have.
My dad is the fucking shit. He's (and my mum!) are two of the best parents you could ever hope for.
His relationship with me has always been one of "as long as you're honest with me, I will never get angry" and it's a two way street. Again, the same with my mum.
He's very liberal, very understanding and considering he's mentally ill as well, he does a damn good job of being a stable individual. The only thing that bugs me about him is how heteronormative he can be sometimes, but I think that would come from a conservative catholic upbringing, somethings do just stick.
Not only that, but both my parents have always valued the importance of questioning authority, having your own opinions (and having the facts to back them up) but my dad has especially always taught me how important it is to stand up for yourself, to stand tall and walk proud.
My dad is fucking awesome. But my mum is too. I'm one of those lucky cunts who has a fantastic relationship with their parents through thick and thin.
TV dads totally annoy me, too. It's like the industry just completely misunderstood feminism: "Well, we can't make blond bimbo characters anymore. What shall we do? Sitcoms aren't funny if someone isn't painfully, cripplingly stupid."
And the mothers are always micromanaging perfectionists, which doesn't help.
Exactly! You hit the nail right on the head there.
Anyways, I have an amazing dad. He's always been 100% supportive of my choices, and he was the one who got me into feminism in the first place (although my mom helped a lot, too - she "causally" left copies of great feminist books just "lying around" in my room all the time as a teen - I guess she didn't want to pressure me!). Even though he's got a nasty temper, he's never shown that when dealing with me, even when I've messed up royally. I am so lucky to have such a great father, I don't know what I'd do without him.
Another great side effect of having such a great dad is that I think I have a better idea of what to look for in a male friend/boyfriend/husband than many other women my age - my tolerance for bullshit, misogyny, and abuse is extremely low.
When my mum asked, my father announced he would not work less if they had children. And he didn't, he just did the fun stuff.
But since I'm going to university we have started bonding a little. For which I'm grateful. You take what you can get, eh?
My dad's pretty great, even though he drives me nuts. He's probably one of the most sensitive and caring people I've ever met, he makes the worst jokes ever, and he used to sing "You are my sunshine" to me and dance me around in his arms, he took care of me when I was sick, and he got up in the middle of the night to feed me and change my diapers. I think I'm lucky as hell.
I was actually thinking about something similar to this the other day, when I noticed that 2 new shows I started watching featured single dads raising their daughter - and doing it well. The first, 'Castle,' is about a mystery writer raising his adolescent daughter - her mom's still around somewhere, but they're divorced. He's shown to genuinely care about her - he speaks well of her, reminisces about taking her to the park, tells her she surprises him. Then, in 'Better Off Ted,' the main character is raising his young daughter after his wife left to go 'save the world' - and again, they're shown to have a close relationship, and she's like his moral conscience. You could argue that by taking the mothers completely out of the picture you're just doing the reverse of the stereotype about dads leaving single moms to raise kids by themselves - i.e. these women are so selfish they can't be bothered with their children. But on the other hand, I think it's great to see positive portrayals of fathers - they can be great primary caretakers and have honest, supportive relationships with their daughters without denigrating or embarrassing them, being overprotective and treating them like fragile little princesses, or being unable to relate to them because they're girls.
Er, sorry, I think this comment swerved from the point of your post, but I just wanted to say that I think popular images of dads are changing.
Just chiming in. I was born in the late 70s, and my father was one of the early "progressive" men I guess. Although he worked full-time and my mom quit work eventually to stay home with us when we were toddlers, I never felt like he was unavailable or distant. When we were school-aged he was the one who woke us up, made breakfast and delivered us to school. He said he wanted to spend mornings with us since he sometimes got home late at night. He always had time to play, make things or have serious conversations. And it wasn't just that he was around for the "fun" stuff. He was there if we were sick, and to deal with discipline. Today, with my brother and I grown and out of the house, my mom has acknowledged that although it was emotionally hard on her to leave work and be a SAHM, she and my dad approached child-rearing as a partnership, not something a mom did and a dad "helped" with.
I hope this is becoming increasingly common - but I see so many of my friends struggling as their supposedly enlightened husbands don't step up to the plate to take on their share of childcare duties. I'm just glad I had a good experience (and yes, I think it did influence how I conceptualize healthy relationships with men as an adult).
I just want to say that my dad is awesome, too! Shout out to my dad!!