I've not written a while because I've been busy with training, before heading over to the vast desert. A few days ago, I had my last four-day pass prior to leaving, and went to Atlantic City. It's interesting that one can take a feminist out of a feminist community, but cannot take the feminism out of the feminist. In the four days that I was in Atlantic City, I saw a great many things worth writing about through the feminist lens. Here, then, is part one of three, which will explore the place of a male within feminism.
It happened at one of the poker tables I was sitting at. I'd been up about 14 hours and becoming pretty sleepy. Sitting to my right was a Canadian woman who'd came to America to shop and have a bit of fun in Atlantic City. We struck up a conversation - and, about ten minutes into it, I noticed a middle-aged gentleman coming over and started to rub her shoulders and touching her in very intimate ways. Remembering that she said she's married, and seeing the uncomfortable look on her face,I tactfully asked if the person touching her is her husband.
"I don't even know him - he's been following me everywhere," she replied.
I immediately snapped.
"Who the fuck are you and what gives you the right to fucking touch a woman like a creep without her consent?" I asked - then went on to ask him if he'd like it if someone came up to him and touched him that way.
After being called out, he quietly walked away - and the woman thanked me.
Here's where the feminist thought comes in: did I do the right thing as a feminist? I am a feminist - not a knight in shining armor. I recognize that women can fare well on their own, without men's help - and that sometimes, coming to a woman's "rescue" seems more patriarchal than feminism would like.
I'd say I wasn't using my male privilege or even exercising a showing of masculinity to ward of this public creep - but the fact is that I was. In short - I was acting as the typical male, no matter how well-intentioned I'd been. In trying to stand up for a feminist cause, I became everything that was anti-feminist.
Yet, on the other argument, it could also be said that I was acting as a human being - a feminist, standing up for feminist values, regardless of my gender and approach - that, so long as I did so without alterior motives, then I acted within the realms of feminism.
It's a struggle for me a lot of times: how does one stand up for feminist values without looking like a goodie-two-shoe? I get the feeling that if I were a woman calling out a pervert, it'd be one thing. But I am not a woman - and thus being aware of my gender, power and privilege is something I am almost obligated to do.
Thoughts?
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You did the right thing by helping that woman out. In a perfect world, everyone would have the strength and confidence to stand up for themselves- but we live in the real world, and sometimes people need someone else to stand up for them.
Yes, you did the right thing. I think if the woman had already been defending herself and calling out the man on his bullshit then it would have been sexist of you to jump in, but since she was clearly not comfortable rebuffing the man herself, it was right of you to take over. I would have done what you did and I'm a woman, so it's clear that you were just helping another person out.
She clearly didn't like what he was doing, and you helped her out. I don't see it being sexist at all.