This story happened a couple of weeks ago, and it's been sort of bothering me since then, so I thought Feministing would be a good place for me to vent.
I'm sixteen, and in my high school I take a guitar class called Advanced Guitar. I am the only girl in it. I enjoy the class, but ever since the first day I've felt rather alienated. Guys in the class have this whole attitude that only boys can play the guitar well (which is utterly ridiculous, obviously). Most of them completely ignore that I'm even in the class. A couple boys that I sit with are slightly better, but they still make "jokes" about my taste in music, my band, what I wear, and how I speak. They do not do this to any of the boys in the class.
This is aggravating by itself as you could imagine. But the whole class situation became even worse in my mind after the incident from a few weeks ago:
The class is very informal so I was just sitting with the usual group of boys, hanging out and sort-of practicing guitar. It was a bit chilly in the room because some windows were open, so I said I was going to get up and close them. The teacher, who's a woman, was in the room and said that was fine. But one of the boys I sit with disapproved. He told me to leave the windows shut. I respected his wish, but I still argued that it was VERY cold in the room and he had an extra jacket he could remove if he was warm. He then said to me, "Well, maybe if you didn't dress like such a fucking whore you wouldn't be cold." Taken aback, I looked up at our teacher, waiting for her to yell at him or send him to our principal's office. But all she did was chuckled and said, "Whoa, [guy's name]." She clearly found his statment to be funny. I even said to her, "Aren't you going to send him to [Principal's name]'s office?" But she basically turned her back and ignored my question.
The comment that the boy made was terrible and insulting and all that, but it really wasn't that which made me upset that day. The fact that an adult, a TEACHER, heard a boy call me a slut and did nothing about it, and even LAUGHED about it, strikes me as so wrong. It's adults like these that are one reason that boys feel that it is totally okay for them to talk to women that way. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to feel.
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WOW.
16 year old boys are stupid creatures, but that teacher should definitely know better.
As long as you weren't breaking the school dress code, I'd report her to the principal or somebody.
p.s. I'm NOT saying that if you were breaking the dress code that this was acceptable. It was still completely uncalled for. But the principal would side with your teacher if you were breaking any clothing rules.
"16 year old boys are stupid creatures"
That's more than a little unnecessary.
Take it to somebody higher up, such as your principal. It was incredibly uncalled for and hostile, and not appropriate at all for a high school classroom (or anywhere else for that matter).
I would report it to the principal. Not the boy but the teacher. Tell him/her exactly that the teacher laughed and joked and how it made you feel. Teachers are supposed to create a safe and comfortable environment for their students. It's their job. That is unacceptable.
Report it to the principal in person with a parent in attendance.
This times a million. In high school, I was frequently screamed at, insulted, had my locker vandalized, had dead animals thrown on my front porch, and was even threatened with "corrective" rape during a school function, and the weasels in charge of the school did nothing about it until my parents got up in their grill and threatened to sue. The authorities are not going to do the right thing of their own volition, unfortunately.
Wow. What kind of backwards school were you at? That's terrible treatment.. I'm sorry.
I would definitely report it as well.
Also, it's been a long time since I was in high school (about 8 years), but how was this boy allowed to curse (let alone call you a whore) and get away with it? Informal class or not the students were not allowed to curse in my school. Not at teachers or other students (and I think most teachers would also consider the word "whore" a curse word). They weren't always sent to the principal's office, but they were always reprimanded in some way.
Regardless, I'm sorry that happened to you. Was he even saying it in that stupid joking sexist way? Or was he being an aggressive ass? I can't believe the teacher let that slide. Yuck.
I'm so sorry. Nobody should have to deal with the kind of bullshit you describe. Crumpet's advice is really good; hopefully your parents are supportive and will help you out with this. Schools are actually responsible for preventing harassment of this nature, but since abuse of women (especially teenaged women) is so endemic, the schools usually have to be forced to act.
Tell your parents, and hopefully have them go with you when you report it to the principal or someone else in charge.
Were you breaking dress code? Even if you were, I would still report it, because that's not the way a teacher should handle something like that. But be aware that if you were breaking dress code you might get in trouble for that too. I think it would be worth it to make a point about that kind of behavior anyway.
You know, I had a high school teacher who said some really inappropriate things in class. I didn't tell anyone at the time, but when I told my mom about it years later, she STILL wanted me to call up my high school and let them know about it so they could keep an eye on that teacher.
I agree - go to the principal.
You asked what you're supposed to feel, but how you already feel is valid! Frustrated, angry, abandoned by someone you should be able to trust, etc., are all obviously in order. How you should NOT feel is powerless (you called the teacher out, and hopefully will go to the principal) or embarrassed: you basically took a public flogging and that asshole was obviously trying to embarrass you, but YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
I agree with the advice of going to the principal with one or both parents. Schools are required to provide a safe place for you. Often if parents even *threaten* a lawsuit, schools will get moving. This is to keep the number of *reported* bullying incidents to 0.
best of luck.
Wow. She wanted to open a window and got called a slut.
This happened to me once in elementary school. I was teasing a boy and he called me a slut. He had such a look of disgust and hatred on his face. I remember just freezing. It was so random. It was such a harsh word to use just because I was teasing him.
Soooo - girls can't play guitar, but it's ok for the teacher to be a woman. Cognitive dissonance anyone?
I don't know how your school's administration works, but at my high school the guidance counselor may have been a better person to see than the principal. It was easier to get an appointment and she or he could act as an intermediary between you, the teacher, the administration and your parents if you get them involved. Again, it may be different at your school, but I think of g.c.s as being the students' advocates.
Like Kate said, definitely don't let him get to you, and make you think that you did anything wrong.
I'm guessing he said that to you because he was threatened by you somehow- do you happen to be better at guitar than him?
I think you should report him so he'll learn that this is NOT an acceptable way to deal with that kind of defensive emotion.
The emotions your post expresses, confusion, anger, frustration, are all valid. Even if you feel embarassed, I would say embarassment is a valid response to belittlement from an authority figure, even when you are in the right. I was bullied at my boarding school, and what hurt more than the comments of my peers was the teachers and supervisors who ignored my plight, when told about it or witnessing it, and even told me that I was to blame.
If you want to take action (and you will probably feel better for it!), talk to the teacher first if you feel you can. If your teacher is any good they will be able to resolve the issue themselves. However, this may be completely out of the question of course, in which case going to the principle is definatly the way to go. Also go to the principle if you get a negative or ineffective response from the teacher. I wish some of the teachers at my school realised that saying 'you need to deal with it yourself' while witnessing such behaviour was actually passively condoning the bullies. If you do go to the principle, only going directly to them if you feel they will take your concerns seriously or if you already have a good relationship - unfortunatly some people are far too willing to write teenage girls off as 'over-sensitive hystericals.' Otherwise, talk to another adult first; the school councilor is a good option (unless you have had some negative experience with them in the past of course), otherwise your parents, or even another teacher (presuming they are willing to get invloved) is great. Any adult you trust basically. If your first choice doesn't help, move to the next! I would then recommend speaking to the principle with them present. Sometimes even their implied presence is enough - I once had extrememly good results just by calling the boarding school's manager from the councillors office. I think it is important though that you do as much of the talking as you can though - this is something that happened to you, and you will feel far more validated and powerful if it is you who rights the wrong. The adult should not be there to replace your voice, but rather to provide proof that there is an adult who takes your complaint seriously and is willing to take action. In regards to approaching the issue, I would recommend framing it not just in regards to the student's and teacher's individual actions, but the school as a whole. After all, the teacher in particular is a representative of the school in these classes. Say their behaviour reflects poorly on the school. Ask if the principle finds this behaviour acceptable, if the school as a whole condones this type of behaviour. Above all, stand your ground, because you are in the right.
Wow, that was long. Of course, you may feel that none of this is right for you and thats fine. This is just what produced the best results for me. If you decide not to take action, that's ok too - it's not something you have to do. But even then, talking to someone will help. You shouldn't feel alone in this. Whatever you do, good luck! And if you do decide to take action, let us know how it goes!
The teacher should be fired. Period.
what a fucking cunt. man.
I played guitar, bass, drums and cello at my school (i went to an anglican all girls school to give you an idea), and when i went for a musical scholarship for bass, I was denied because bass guitar wasn't 'ladylike' enough for it to reflect the school ethos (teaching young women how to hate themselves and their bodies in 100 different ways) so i said fuck it, and kept playing anyway.
principal that shit with a parent.
and keep playing guitar. it's really the best thing ever.
... I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I've definatly had bad teachers in high school who were sexist, pigs (sleeping with students) or just flat out jerks.
Talk to the principal. ASAP. Talk to your parents (I don't know how supportive they are - but parents will always get further with a h/s principal).
Other options - go to the school board if you get no where with the principal. I was in a bad situation ended up sending them a registered letter...there should be some one on the board (or a secretary) that is responsible for reading the mail. THAT got almost immediate results. You can also go to the meeting and request to speak to them, then everyone from the community that shows up will know just what's going on.
It's not my favorite option, but you can always call the local news if no one in the school will listen. Our local news DOES get results... There are also lawyers that will deal with the school on your behalf.
But look into this. Don't just let it slide. The fact that your teachers allow this scares me - just how safe are you? If this sleeze touched you, are they gonna step up???
Draft a letter to the principal, cc it to the school board, the guidance counselor and your local news.
Unfuckingbelievable.
Name names.