This week on Dear Prudence, an advice column on Slate.com, a man writes in because he and his student wife have fallen on hard times and she wants to harvest her eggs for the money. He's apprehensive because he has "a hard time seeing her eggs merely as genetic material" and that he would feel responsible for the possible offspring as they would be "half his wife".
I have two issues with this - First, that he said, "I think these hopeful parents should consider adopting." If people have the means to do such an expensive procedure and the donor is willing, they have the right to do whatever the heck they like. They're not specifically hunting down this guy's wife for her precious eggs, they just want a baby. If people don't want to adopt, they don't want to adopt. (Even though I, personally, would rather adopt.)
My second issue is actually with a response on a message board that only said, "Would you sell a Baby?????" [sic]
Since when is an unfertilized egg equivalent to a baby? (You might see that exact question posed to the message-writer if you find it.) This response is just so... I can't even think of how to describe it. Uneducated? Fanatic? Forgive me for making assumptions, but it makes me think of some baby-crazed person who believes babies are divine creatures that require capitalization when written out. It makes one wonder how this person feels about those women who dare to have periods instead of fertilizing every possible egg in their ovaries.
I can understand the hesitation, I really can. I think Prudie is right when she suggests really thinking this over because it is still her DNA and I still think that does mean something. I also think it might be a good idea. They sound like they're having a tough time financially and it really would help out a couple who wants a baby. So really, I can understand either decision. I think the husband's reluctance does border on controlling his wife's body, but they're married and he doesn't seem quite so far as "Her body is my body." But he's definitely close.
Honestly, for some reason, they just both came off as immature, especially the husband. It really took him until he was 30 to realize that maybe screenwriting isn't the most plausible Plan A? Really?
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I did research on egg donation during a period of desperation about potential student loans. A thing to keep in mind while on the topic:
I found no sources that will call it "selling eggs". You are always donated eggs out of the kindness of your heart, and being fairly compensated for your time. So, if you're looking to "make" money, you're going to have to sacrifice a lot, and some would consider it only adequate compensation, not profit.
Also, I too would not consider a donated egg a baby by any stretch of the imagination. However, I would also have personal qualms about having my genetic material used to create a child not raised by me. Many people don't, though, and that's okay.
All those selling giving the feeling like it's Toys R Us or what so ever (???) ! what's next? they will start selling online that sort of "product" ?!
I dunno. I think if I was married and my husband wanted to donate sperm I might not be wild about the idea and would likely try to talk him out of it. It wouldn't be a break up issue as it is part of his body and not mine, but it just kind of bothers me. I also would not ever feel comfortable having a child genetically part mine raised by someone else.
I also looked into it a few months ago. You get paid a few thousand, but you also have to have shots every few days, and they basically give you symtoms of early pregnancy, so you feel like crap. and with all the driving to and from the many doctor visits, you really don't make a whole lot due to gas, missing work, etc.
Also, i think the whole thing is a little wierd for the recieving family. being preggo with someone else baby and stuff. I couldn't do it...but I also want to adopt a cute little baby from china some day.
I'm thinking about donating my eggs to help a bit with college. I don't want kids, and I ovulate every month, right on time, very fertile. I feel like I have something that I don't want, that other people do and are willing to pay for. Everybody's happy.
Also, wait, UNFERTILIZED EGGS ARE PEOPLE! I feel so bad now for needlessly murdering BABIES every month.
Thanks for your post!
While, egg donation may provide the possibility for LGBTQ and couples unable to biologically conceive to form families... the egg donation industry is completely unregulated. Young women who may be considering donating their eggs are left with many questions concerning ethics, potential health risks, and political implications.
We actually have a workshop that talks about "complicating the conversation" around egg donation that anyone who is interested in learning more about egg donation may want to look into (www.choiceusa.org)