while i was in the middle schools today the health teachers were discussing the new sex. ed plan that will substitute the previous abstinence based curriculum. they were shocked at how explicit and crude the information was, how mechanical and graphic. i asked if i could read the lesson plan, and honestly i was surprised. it was very much like reading a car manual, an instruction booklet on sex: this is how you put on a condom. dry? use some lube. oral sex? use dental dam or rubbers.
it was full of statistics about who is having sex and how much. graphs, precisely. it was so cold and sterile. i am all for sex ed., but not one that equates knowing how to put on a condom with a safe, healthy sexual relationship.
the two teachers i spoke to at length were both men, and shared some of their experiences. one of them recalled that the only thing his parents told him about sex was to “keep it in his pants, and don’t get in no trouble”. the other teacher had a sister that became pregnant at 15, and remembered feeling safe in the fact that he, as a man, could not get pregnant and “screw his life”. they both thought that the information would not be helpful to the kids, because it was way over their heads, and inappropriate.
i don’t think it’s inappropriate because kids should not know about sex, but because it teaches nothing about the reality of sex. the much needed information is not only how to not get pregnant, or avoid STIs, but the foundation of trust, communication and mutuality that are necessary for having a healthy sex life. it’s either “no sex, you will ruin your life and go to hell”, or a superficial overview of the physiological reality of a variety of sexual acts.
i am nervous that it’s gonna make people feel even more pressured to have sex when they don’t even know what they think of it yet, because they get a sense that everyone is doing it. so many times as an advocate, or just a friend i listened to people that “gave in” to sex because it seemed like what they were supposed to do, or felt pressured by peers and boyfriends ( and sometimes girlfriend), and then felt like shit about it.
in the end it makes sense that the school system is either offering a firm no to sex, or a cut and dry instruction booklet. it’s easy! there is no discussions, or nuances, or difficult conversations about consent and safety. it’s just another sterile piece of information removed from the real, complicated lives of youth.
i am going to look more into this, because i have no idea about who is responsible for choosing one sex ed. program or another, but sitting here and bitching doesn’t feel right.
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My high school sex ed class was sort of like that. I graduated knowing all about eggs and sperms, condoms and STDs, etc, but I knew nothing about orgasms, oral sex, etc.
The thing is, I think if you're only going to teach one thing, the absolute most important thing is "wear a condom." That's the one thing that can save them from irreversible consequences while they figure out the rest of it.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the material you described, really. There's probably stuff they could add, like teaching about healthy relationships, or about how much foreplay is needed for sex to feel good for the girl, etc. But it was such a battle to get the medically accurate stuff in that I can't blame them for not having everything perfect right now. It would be even more of a battle for the teachers to tell the kids details about how sex feels good and how to do it right.
"It would be even more of a battle for the teachers to tell the kids details about how sex feels good and how to do it right"
hahahahaha!
I, too, was disappointed when they did not give us tips. That would be real sex education!
Could you imagine the health teacher saying, "Most females cannot achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. Therefore, it is important to become adept at manual and oral stimulation to assure that your partner is pleased." lol
That said, the new material sounds a heck of a lot better than the asbtinance only fairy tales.
As odd as this is going to sound, I don't think kids can learn about sexual relationships in sex education. Sex ed class is where you should learn the cold mechanics and statistics. How is a textbook supposed to cover every potential emotional situation? How is a teacher in a class of 30+ students supposed to do it?
Our local highschools have a program that matches freshmen with trained juniors to deal with those questions. What happens is that teachers nominate juniors that they think are 'together' to the program. The juniors are given the 'cold, hard facts' about birth control rates, STDs, etc. Then, each junior gets matched with 5-6 freshmen. After the initial intros and talk, the juniors make themselves available to the freshman for the next 2 yrs. They become sort of 'big sisters/brothers' and provide the freshmen with the kind of answers you're looking for in sex ed but they provide it situation specific and individually - which is the only way you can, really.
I was one of the juniors nominated to this program in highschool and my niece is doing it now. The education we both received in the facts of sex has helped us, our friends and the freshmen we mentored. The freshmen I was paired with became friends of mine and we kept in touch even after I left for university.
The teacher that led my course pointed out that she could teach the mechanics of menstruation but what the students wanted to know about sex was when to have it, how to have it and who to have it with. There is no way to answer those questions in a classroom setting because every person is different. Plus, few people are willing to ask personal questions in front of their peer group. Providing them with acceptable mentors - acceptable to them and the school - is an excellent solution.
I'm not quite sure if this was the intention but the OP had me thinking that she felt abstinence education (Isn't that an oxymoron?) is somehow preferable to knowing the mechanics of sex. I would rather that my daughter be told the basics of contraception that be told that she had to keep her virginity as a gift to her future husband.