1. Reacting to the tone of the OP is not constructive. We all write posts when we’re really happy, others when we’re concerned, and still others when we’re angry or upset. The emotional tone of the writing doesn’t preclude us from reading and thinking about the ideas expressed in the post. I, for one, like to hear other feminist’s ideas, no matter their mood.

2.    Related to this, the ability to ignore someone is a sign of privilege. When people are humiliated in areas where they lack privilege, they can’t ignore it because they don’t have the power. If a bi-girl hears a lesbian woman say she “would never date someone bi, because they’ll always leave you for a guy,” the bi-girl is going to remember that, because she has less power as someone attracted to more than one sex. If a lesbian woman hears a bi-girl say she “doesn’t get why gay marriage matters so much,” the lesbian woman would probably be offended. When someone looks at you and says, “I’m ignoring you, for this reason” they are saying that they’re in power and therefore don’t have to listen. Use your power wisely- ignore those who are hurtful, not those who are hurting.

3.    Don’t automatically assume you can’t ask questions anymore. Instead, think about your question before you ask it. Consider whether your question will benefit the entire audience on the post or just you. If it’s a personal question, think about whether it makes sense to ask it in a more personal venue. Consider whether your question is relevant to the topic. If not, look elsewhere for an answer (we are on the internet right ;-) ?). Consider how you would feel if someone asked you that question. And, consider how you would fell if someone asked you that question for the millionth time, just in case.

4.    Respect how people self identify. If someone says they’re a feminist, don’t tell them they’re not. If someone says they’re Jewish but their mom is a Catholic, don’t inform them that they “aren’t really Jewish”. If someone identifies as a Trans woman, don’t call her a man who likes to dress, talk and act like a woman.

5.    Know the power of apologies. I don’t see apologies often on community feministing. Maybe we’re all busy rebelling against the fact we’ve been socialized to apologize more because we’re women. But sometimes, like when you slip up, an apology is a good thing. It acknowledges where the mistake was, which helps other people learn and it enables the discussion to continue. I know I have a few apologies waiting for the brilliant commenters who point out the flows in this post.

In case it’s not clear, I wrote this because I am really upset and disappointed by some of the reactions to recent posts about Trans people and because I think we are totally capable of reacting more appropriately and constructively.

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2 Comments

April 20, 2009 11:26 AM

[0+]  Rachel_in_WY said:

Agreed.

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April 20, 2009 11:39 AM

[0+]  Miriam said:

Comments are being shut down on this post, as well as the other community posts that are addressing these issues of conversation around trans people, gender variance and feminism.

We're doing this because it's important to us to be able to moderate this conversation effectively.

We want to continue the conversation, so anyone who wants to continue commenting on this topic, please post on this round up on the home page.

Thanks to everyone for contributing to the dialogue.

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