Sorry if this is a repeat . I need to rant. To put it nicely, I have a problem with people who say stupid things and make stupid comments out of jealously or curiosity(whatever their motive). I live with my boyfriend and I have for some time now. I was born and raised here in Brooklyn , so it's not like I am dealing with people from small sheltered areas ( nothing wrong with small towns ). At my CUNY college, some of my classmates( who i am with for all my classes,unit projects,peer review of student teaching) would say" oh my father would never let me live with my boyfriend" or "wow that would never happen". I do not defend my stance. My BF has a career and I am almost done with school and I will be teaching soon, we are both hard workers, that's is all. I just become increasingly annoyed when people make these comments and then say "oh I wish I could".
Most of the time I do not share my personal business and if it comes up in conversation somehow , females, people, will forget what we are talking about and immediately say" oh you live with your bf, I could never do that before marriage my parents would blah blah blah""how long were you together?" "your not engaged?"- I just cant believe the balls some people have to interrogate other people about their personal lives. I think people who are engaged are wonderful good for them, but I am just not ready, I want to complete grad school and prepare myself for a good career, financially secure future. The part that gets me the most is when they say "my parents or my family would never let me, they would look down blah blah ".
My mother is one of the most hard working people I know. She completed her BA a year ago and is going to start her Masters , at 50 ! My mother was not angry over my choice to live with my guy,however, my mother would be pissed if I married young and had a baby before finishing all the schooling I need to complete. I don't know, sorry if this sounds repetitive. I wanted to hit two people today seriously. Any ideas why people find it so fascinating a women in her early 20's lives with her boyfriend, seriously wtf is the big deal, am I missing something? Again, sorry if this came up before - The End
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Some people have boundary issues - they can be very intrusive into the lives of other people, and think it's perfectly OK for them to do so.
Also, they might genuinely envy you - perhaps they come from conservative immigrant families, and indeed their fathers would not allow them to live with their boyfriends.
I don't know your nationality, but you did mention that you were born and raised in Brooklyn.
I'm a born and raised New Yorker too (born in Chelsea, raised in Far Rockaway, currently living in Harlem).
As we both know, there are a lot of immigrants here, many of whom come from countries way more conservative than ours.
Lots of young immigrants (ESPECIALLY young immigrant women) wish they had the same personal freedom that young Americans have.
Perhaps that's how your classmates feel - they don't mean you any harm, they just wish they had your life.
I come from a conservative Muslim immigrant family. I moved out so that I could lead my life on my own terms. My current SO lives with me for the convenience and economic help that cohabitation affords, but I could never tell my parents that he does.
Maybe they feel stupid because they still live with their parents and want to justify it?
I agree with Greg. It sounds to me like they genuinely wish they could have the same opportunity but know that because of the family they come from, it would not be acceptable. My parents will not let me date the person I would like to date and it hurts me to see other people able to be with their significant other and bring them home to hang out with their families, etc. I know it is something that I need to take up with my parents and not the people who have that freedom, but it is easy to get into that mentality where you feel envious towards the person who has something. Just be aware that it is probably not a judgmental statement towards you and don't go on the offensive so easily.
First off - YAY CUNY! I am a cuny queens student myself.
Okay, so...I have asked questions to people in my department who live together and are not married. Not beause I am trying to be a brat, but because I'm impressed. I have made the comment of 'i wish' but it was more in the context of 'holy crap rent prices are uber crazy'
and secondly, Im impressed that being a grad student myself, I know how stressful it can be and how little free time you have - so I know that I would not be a compatable roomate when I am on my fifth cup of coffee and cursing over textbooks.
While I can understand that these questions can get tiresome after a while, I think they just wish they were able to be in your situation instead of being home with their parents/guardians.