Previously on feministing:
Laptops for women had better be small and light, because we're not very strong. They had also better come in pink, and it's best if the double as beauty accessories.
At the end of that last post, Vanessa says, "I don't know about you, but my new Dell laptop is just the perfect substitute for a compact mirror!" We all knew she was being sarcastic, but apparently Nikita Buyanov thought she was being serious. After all, he did design a laptop that doubles as a compact mirror. It even has a slot for your makeup and the ability to paint your nails! Maybe the reason people think feminists don't have a sense of humor is because those people don't have a good grasp of something i like to call irony.
From Gizmodo:
Nikita Buyanov was commissioned to design a series of conceptual, female-oriented laptops for HP/Intel, and the Chameleon kind of rocked our world. But we still consider ourselves men.
Featuring a series of three cameras, the Chameleon uses complimenting "adaptive microcell coverage" to blend in to its surroundings—or at the very least coordinate with your crotchwear.
Some of his other concepts are, believe it or not, even more far-fetched, including a fitness laptop that doubles as a scale and a slightly sexist pink laptop that gives manicures. But it's all good fun at the better sex's expense.
The original post can be found here, along with pictures:The HP Chameleon Will Match Your Tacky Tastes.
The names of the laptops are: the HP Makeup, the HP Perfume, the HP Nobag, the HP Chameleon, the HP Fitness, and the HP Mama. This is because women wear makeup, smell good, carry small purses, co-ordinate everything with their outfits, obsess about their weight, and stay home with the kids.
I wouldn't be surprised to hear somebody comment that a child-proof laptop would be useful to a woman with a small child, but my initial reaction to that one was: "who is supposed to be using that, the child or the mother? The mother can put her laptop on a desk out of reach and unless the desk is tippy and the laptop is covered in sharp glass, the kid will probably be fine." Besides, if we're childproofing all the computers in the house, don't we need an HP Daddy as well (not to be confused with the HP Dada, which would be what... the anti-computer?)
As for the HP Fitness, I would like to have a laptop that is durable enough for me to step on, but that's because I like to carry my laptop with me everywhere and wouldn't mind if it could stand up better to a little rough and tumble. However... using a laptop as a scale? Are you serious? Like I need to have a scale in my backpack all the time.
But hey, it could be useful. This way when I take my computer to a coffee shop to do a bit of writing, I won't ever lose sight of the sinfulness of that latte and scone. I can put my laptop on the floor and weigh myself right there next to the table! Then I can share the resulting number with all of the other female patrons, who can reassure me that I look great. The barista will congratulate me on being 0.5 lbs lighter than last week, and I will loan out my laptop to a few teenage girls who are worried about getting skinny enough to fit into Hollister jeans by swimsuit season.
I can then spend the rest of the afternoon obsessing over a minor fluctuation in my weight instead of putting my poor overworked female brain to use doing something like reading or writing.
That's how women use computers, right?
I understand that having a computerized fitness center could actually be pretty useful for a serious athlete. I am mocking the HP fitness not because it's a tool for fitness, but because it's a tool clearly designed specifically for losing weight in the context of other vanity concepts such as the HP Makeup and the HP Chameleon.
Since Nikita is obviously out of touch, I have a suggestion for how to design a good female-oriented laptop:
MAKE A GOOD LAPTOP. That is all.
This post is awesome and I kick ass.
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I agree that a HP PARENT might be nice. Spillproof, crumbproof, and knock-over proof (as in, won't be damaged when the kid pulls it off the counter), with reinforced cords to prevent chewing.
What I want in a laptop:
Long-lasting battery
Shitloads of memory
Power supply with retractible cord (I hate messing with the cord)
Good virus protection
Built in webcam and microphone so I can Skype anywhere
Attached headphones that you pull out and push a button to make them retract in
A better mouse system than the touchpad
Anyone else?
I don't like the idea about HP, though I think a software focusing will be very fine - like to get a brain fitness game or software which will "work" on woman's brain :)
The Perfume one is really pretty, but I don't know how I feel about a laptop that smells. I just like that it's clear.
I'm going to guess that these laptops are made for computer saavy people, or that they're very durible (aside from the HP MAMA)
and why does the HP ECO have a wrist band for blood pressure??
when are these coming out for purchase? I'd like to see how outrageously overpriced they are.
The perfume one IS really pretty. I also like the Nobag. This is the backstory on the HP Perfume:
with this model you can change your laptop to a lamp or air freshener with ability to download smell samples and mix it with smell matrix of HP Perfume laptop.
Nikita obviously doesn't know much about chemistry, because smell isn't like light or sound. You can't just vibrate at a certain frequency to emit smell, you need actual aromatic compounds. That laptop would have to have a puddle of carcinogenic organic compounds in it to mix and make smells. /sigh
As for the HP ECO, I forgot to talk about that one in the original post (I am no_underline). I find the very concept of an environmentally friendly laptop funny because computers are not very environmentally friendly. They become outdated after two years and fill up landfills with metals (which have to be mined in order to make new ones). Laptops are worse than desktops because they don't last as long. They take more damage and break more quickly, and you can't update them as easily. I suppose this HP Eco must have some kind of miraculous technology inside to make it environmentally friendly, otherwise the only think "eco" about it is that it's green.
I forgot to ad a disclaimer on the end of the post that these are just concepts drafted up by a third party and not actual laptops scheduled for release by HP. I am sure that they would be outrageously expensive; we don't even have technology that can do some of that stuff.
It's just a designer exercising his opinion about what women look for in computers.
I'm going to stick with Apple.
I'm gonna have to admit; I'm guilty in actually thinking some of these designs are cool and catchy, appearance wise. I still HATE the concept.
You bet your butt you wouldn't be able to do more than watch a youtube video on it though.
"Processing and graphics? Meh. They're women, not teenage boys."
While I think that the marketing terms used for these is definitely sexist (an for that matter the assumptions that lay behind it) I think some of it is a good idea.
I'm a strong girl but I also have to carry my laptop around for very long periods of time so having a lighter one would make my life easier - but it ignored the fact that laptops can also be too heavy for men to carry around all day. Same goes for a more durable one. I'm a klutz and carrying it around a lot is bound to end up making some mark on my laptop - but then it does for men too!
I'm totally disgusted in these designs. Tacky and sexist and just sad.
Honestly, I think this was supposed to be an April Fools joke -- note the date that it was posted. These are also all "concept designs" -- but what's so troubling is the fact that it is conceptually sexist.
Hello ladies.
Ironically enough, I'm an industrial designer as well as a feminist, and I was just assigned to work on a laptop for women. Your reactions to these concepts are rather generous, actually; they're considered a bad joke where I work and are clearly nothing more than a gimmick.
If you do have anymore feedback similar to what Brianna G offered- retractable headphones are a brilliant idea- let me know, so that we can get some laptop concepts out there that appeal to a female target market rather than insulting them.
An idle Laptop should be light weight but i don't want it in pink , I can't take pink laptop in my meetings . some light color like grey would work
Linda Smith
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