(Cross-posted at www.dancingbackwards.com)

Friday was blogging against disablism day. I'm posting everything late (and will work to change that) but better late than never right? I think when it comes to discussing disablism, a few themes occur over and over. The first is non-understanding from others--both medical professionals whose job it is to help and caring friends and family alike. I mentioned this in an earlier blog post about hormonal problems I faced:

" I went to many doctors. Most of them made light of my situation and joked about it. Some even asked me why it bothered me! A few threw their hands up in confusion, even those so-called specialists. I had a lot of blood work done and spent many hours searching the internet for articles and discussion boards- anything that could shed light on the situation.

There was no doubt in my mind that something was off in my body but no one
seemed to believe me since nothing official showed up on my test results. I
received a lot of well-intentioned but misguided advice from friends on diet,
habits, even my chakras. "You just need to do this or stop that and you'll be
fine", was the general prescription I was given from friends, family, strangers
and doctors alike. Then there was the insulting implication that I was just a
whiny hypochondriac or looking for attention."

Renee at Womanist Musings similarly notes:

" Those of us that have a disability are expected to rise above at all costs and therefore pose no burden to those around us with our pain and our suffering.

To talk about our pain is construed as whining. Someone will
always come up with a story about a friend of a friend who had a disease similar
to yours who took this herbal pill from Tibet or some mountain that
you have never heard of and suddenly was cured and got on with their
lives. More likely than not this friend of friend just finally got
the message that talking about their illness was not cool and decided to be
silent. You see we can talk about pain but only in terms of
what we are doing constructively to get better and not about how much it hurts
or hard it is emotionally. It makes people uncomfortable and so it is
understood as easier for all if we would just be quiet. I know this to be
correct because the moment you answer truthfully about how you feel the subject
is quickly changed or silence ends the conversation."

Ouyang Dan further illustrates:

"I wasn't going to do this today, b/c even the plethora of doctors I have seen over the years have left me convinced, whether intentionally or not I don't know, that I am over emphasizing my pain. That my symptoms could be too many things to be one thing. They have, over the course of my "care" and Medical Discharge from the Navy given me a diagnosis and then taken it away in order to avoid paying me more money for a disability. The mental leap starts w/ the language I hear from those I have trusted to help me. When their agenda left me w/o answers it also left me w/o a way to identify what is happening to me. They routinely dismiss my symptoms. "You are depressed, and that is causing pain" (no, actually I am depressed b/c I am in pain, and you don't believe me). They tagged me w/ a mental illness and shuffled me off to a psychologist to be treated w/ Anti-Depressants. While I hear some people have had luck w/ this course of treatment, I have not. It frustrates me more, first b/c it feels like they are telling me it's all in my head, and b/c the shuffle to Mental Health closes doors to other doctors, who 'don't treat Mental Health patients'."

I think this should serve as a reminder to not discredit a person's experience. Just because you can't see it or feel it for yourself, does not mean that it's not very real and pertinent to that person. And while you may be trying to be helpful by giving advice, do so with a hint of humility. Realize that if a person has been living with an illness for sometime they have probably done some research on their options as well. Sometimes things just don't work out, regardless of how hard we try.

Renee:

"Sarcoidosis and Fibromyalgia entered my life and for the first time I learned that strength of will is not always enough. When I was first diagnosed, I demanded my specialist fix me in three months because I had things to do and could not be bothered with this illness. I assumed that just like everything else in my life I would grit my teeth and will myself into health and look back at this as some sort of uncomfortable inconvenience.

As three months stretched into 6 and finally into 12, I began to understand
that will alone would not make me better. "

I think this concept of putting your best foot forward and still failing freaks people out in general because it shows the limitations human beings have. And we've reached an intellectual time period that invests so heavily in the idea of pure free will and determination. Our entire economic and political system is built on it. Beyond that, many people's psychological health rests on feeling like we don't have control over our thoughts, emotions, health and life. It helps us get through the day. And when we're faced with a person or circumstance that defies this, we try to rid it from our psyche so we don't have an existential crisis.

Finally, it's important to remember the role class always plays. Cara of Feministe writes about the fact that her socioeconomic privilege saved her life. Her family was able to afford the multiple, on-going therapy sessions she needed to deal with her manic depression. Few people can afford that kind of care out of pocket and even good insurance companies will rarely cover so much treatment.

Adequate health care is an important feminist issue and the conversation about its current shortcomings (and possible solutions) should continue.

Here's to good health.