I just finished Courtney Martin's "Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters". It profoundly affected me. I have been struggling with my body for several years now, coming very close to a full blown eating disorder in my sophomore year of college. I've been trying very hard over the last couple months to stop the destructive thinking about my body. My partner is totally supportive, but I also know it's frustrating for him, since he doesn't really get it. I picked up Martin's book and read the introduction midway through my last semester in college, and I knew right away it was going to help me. Unfortunately, I felt so overwhelmed in my last semester, that I didn't think I should undertake such emotional/psychological reading. After graduation my mom took me to Vegas, so I had plenty of time on the plane/by the pool to read and reflect.
I feel more beautiful already. Her book was refreshing and honest. I seriously recommend it to every woman, who has ever thought about food, dieting, exercise, her weight, etc in a way that could possibly one day lead to an eating disorder. I have a better understanding now of why I obsessed for so long about my body: my desire to be perfect in every area of my life. I did feel a lot of pressure growing up - and I noticed that the same pressure was not put on my brother. If he got C's, he was praised, but if I got a 'B' my parents asked why it wasn't an 'A'. Of course, my brother and I are very different (I finisehd college in 4 years with 2 majors and 2 minors and he's a third year senior - in high school), but still it felt wrong. I think I internalized this pressure and began putting it on myself. I feel like I have to do everything - or Im lazy. I dont know how to relax. I played this drama out on my body. I get frustrated still when Im tired or when I cant run for a long time. I try to tell myself that I know Im not a "runner" but I still try to push myself to do it. I dont listen to my body - or if i try, i feel like i misinterpret all the messages. I second guess myself - a lot.
Anyway, you should all read 'Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters'
The reason I posted this was 1. to let off some of my feelings and 2. I am wondering if anyone has read a similar but different book like this that helped them or someone they know. I am not yet healed and feel that Martin's book was a huge help, but I might need some more. So, if you have a book to recommend, please do so :)
Thanks everyone!
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Thanks so much for this beautiful post. I can't tell you how touched I am that the book was able to inspire you to see the beauty of your own true nature and give you a competing perspective on our society's obsession with perfection (at least on the surface). Take care.
Here are a few of my favorite reads:
Naomi Wolf, "The Beauty Myth"
Susan Bordo, "Unbearable Weight"
Linda Bacon, "Health at Every Size"
Lois Banner, "American Beauty"
Joan Jacobs Brumberg, "The Body Project"
Kim Chernin, "The Obsession"
Sharlene Hesse-Biber, "The Cult of Thinness"
Geneen Roth's books on eating disorders and binge eating are also great reads.
I have "technically" recovered from an eating disorder but am still facing issues with self-confidence and respect for my body. This book is on my bookshelf but now I am going to pick it up immediately. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Just wanted to wish you strength on your journey.
Reviving Ophelia by Mary Phipher turned me into a feminist at age 14. It made a lot of sense for me then, and I still re-read it every once in a while.
The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron is not really about body issues at all or beauty at all. But, as an artist I really identified with her philosophy. It addresses the perfectionism and stereotyping that keeps us from tapping into our true creativity and value. It is a 12 step program to help you break through the self-criticism and blocks inside you. Its about loving and caring for yourself, treating yourself with respect, trusting your voice.