Last summer, my dad was laid off from his auto-industry related job. While he looked around for a job, he really enjoyed his time off. It was the first time in my 23 years that I saw my dad taking my little sister to her dentist appointment and doing little things like going to the library with us. While my mom was not at all happy about being the only person working to support our family, she did appreciate that for the first time, he was beginning to have dinner ready when she got home from work.
In this segment that aired last night on ABC's nightly news (go here), one of the most memorable comments came from a woman whose story did not seem to be told as well as the others. She said she lost respect for her husband when she came home and saw him in the kitchen in her apron.
While perhaps the answer is buying him his own apron (I doubt it), I have to wonder why it's not "respectable" for a man who is unable to provide for his family financially in these times to provide for his family through service. I know gender roles have effects on men and women, but serously?!
I actually gained a lot of respect for my dad when I saw him take on more responsiblities at home. Not only did he take up some domestic duties, but he also began to change some of his ways. For instance, he stopped going out of his weekly "guys night" to help the family save money (a first!).
It does seem that younger couples are sticking to the "traditional gender roles" a lot less. Is anybody's parents experiencing the shifting gender roles for the first time in this economy? How are they handling it?
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I know the feeling - my dad got fired from his job, and later ended up in prison (long story that's unrelated), but throughout their marriage my dad had never made as much $$$ as my mom wanted him to. Throughout the downfall of their marriage, my mom's chief complaint has always been that he doesn't bring home enough bacon for her, and now that she's the only one working. She equates men who don't work as being lazy, as abandoning their wives, and as not being good people. By contrast, she feels that the fact that she is required to work outside the home is nothing short of criminal, that a woman should never be forced due to economic conditions to have a job and that any married woman who has to work due to financial difficulty of her family has been let down by her husband. Even if the woman is the party who's most motivated to make money, or the man is the party who's most interested in nurturing, in her view men who don't make enough to single handedly support their families are bad people, and women who work outside the homes are victims of their neglectful husbands.
And people wonder why I've rejected the patriarchy....
More power to your dad! Maybe if some good can come from him losing his job it will be having the opportunity to sort out what makes him truly happy in life.
When my dad has been unemployed (typically he makes more money than my mom), my mom grumbles endlessly about him being at home, but frankly, I don't blame her-- he's not home making dinner and helping out, he's parked on the couch or leaving an even larger than normal mess in his trail.
My father was constantly losing his job while I was in high school (the company he worked for went under, he faced religious persecution at another and was fired unjustly, etc) and he took over the more "feminine" household jobs in addition to the "masculine" ones he always did and looking for a job. One day in my acting class, a guy mentioned that he thought there was no excuse for a husband/father that didn't work - he must be a bum. I told him my father didn't work and wasn't a bum, but alas. Men must work lest they be bums.
Sexism.
Yeah, my dad's been doing a lot of the cooking lately. He's even teaching me how to cook.
And there's no shame in wearing an apron...
*Sigh*
A Newsweek article on the subject. Basically, a lot of guys have their self esteem tied up in their jobs, so they suffer depression when they get fired, which in turn causes them to act like a bum.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/185854
Supporting your family is of course a good thing, but the way it is gendered is wrong. There is nothing wrong with being a house husband!