Thanks for a great post! I used to be in your shoes, the model shoes that is. I was never married but while modeling committed and basically common-law. Just wanted to say I could really relate to your post and I think that any equal relationship involves a great deal of communication and negotiation. I am happy to see your husband supports your career as this is not always the case. In you, I see an autonomous and empowered woman!!! BRAVO!

Being married doesn't mean that your husband owns your body. That said, being married does mean that you have to respect your partner's feelings, whether they're "reasonable" or not. That's something that goes both ways, whether you're male or female. As your husband is proud of you and doesn't mind your modeling, then more power to you! And good for you, I wish I were in good enough shape to pose in a bikini. Who cares what others say about your "morals" for posing while married. Screw them, they're behind the times. I assume they're thinking that a married woman belongs to her husband and her body is for his eyes only. Keep going with that idea and we'll all end up with our heads shaved or in burkas.

I wonder if some people want to fantasize the every bikini clad sexy women is "available" to them on some level, and knowing that she's married puts a damper on it? Or is it just a throwback to the idea that a wife is a husband's "property" and should only be available to him.

At any rate I say to each their own. If it challenges the idea of how a wife should be, or notions of who owns a woman's sexuality (she does!), then I say more power to you!

I am constantly amazed by the number of people who think it appropriate to say, publically, "You do X? What is wrong with you?"

I agree with your way of looking at this. 100%.

I think you may catch more flak for sexy modeling in general, in keeping with a thin = sexy.

I don't think that in this day and age anything in particular is off-limits or inappropriate for anyone as long it is non-harmful and everyone understands what they're doing. Husband/wife team want to make porn videos? Doesn't imply they have a terrible marriage. I was a stripper and sometimes naked model for two years, with a lot "gasp! but what about your boyfriend!" silliness. I used to find that if I lied in order to keep up the "totally available girl" appearance, it only became more difficult to politely dissuade people of the notion I wanted to go out with them. But still, the "but what does your boyfriend think??" - "he brags to his D&D group about it" usually shut them up.
I think there is the idea from men and women that a woman can act sexy and available only until she is in a relationship, then she must not act sexual in such a way that others may be aware of it. A guy wants the girl that is acting sexy, but after that, she must act sexy only for him.

What you are doing sounds great as long as you are comfortable with it and are being true to yourself.

I think that the cornerstone of feminism is women expressing their sexuality based on their own terms and what each individual woman is comfortable with. I feel that this means that a woman has a right to not be sexual as well. I was married for 15 years and was basically burned out on partner sex. I have been enjoying masturbation with my erotic books and my various sex toys for two years now and have never been happier. Maybe one day I will go back to partner sex but right now I am enjoying going solo--and for me, that type of freedom is feminism.

Maybe you should weed some people out of your facebook friends list!

I think as a human you have the right to do whatever you want to do without having to feel guilty about opinions held by other people regarding your actions. Don't let anyone tell you what is acceptable for your relationship with your husband; that is something for you and him to decide as partners.

That being said, I think it takes a lot of nerve to come on a feminist forum and ask us to defend modeling for magazines that enforce negative stereotypes and gender roles for men and women. You say you work hard to keep your body tight and that you are proud of your body. While that may be true, I think you are also bringing up serious issues about seeking approval, both for your body and your internal sense of yourself. Regardless, my main issue with your post is that you seem just as committed to the gender roles that those who detract from you cite when they ask about your morality. You ask us what is the proper role for a wife in your situation when you must understand that many women in our forum probably don't agree with any kind of rules or regulations for what a woman should or should not do based on social title (i.e. wife, mother, girlfriend.) If you want to free yourself from the world that judges you based on gender type morality, I suggest you stop calling your husband "your man" and find a magazine that won't portray you as a piece of meat in a spread next to man who makes multiple times your earnings just because he knows to manipulate your presence and other models like you.

Also, you might want to read Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy. You are not as liberated as you think.

I don't think there is any thing a wife should or should not do. Every one should live as they wish and try to find a life-partner with compatible views. People are rarely perfect matches so they need to compromise with each other - give and take, but if it's all give on one side and take on the other then they're not a good match.

Sounds like you've worked things out with your husband and things are good. That's all that matters. If some redneck can't understand that that's his problem. If I were in your shoes I'd be torn between telling them to mind their own business, telling them just how many kinds of wrong they are, or sending them a picture of myself in a burqa with the text "better?".

It's because of stuff like this that I think the whole "honesty box" thing inevitably leads to trouble.

Of course, I'm not saying that she DESERVES any moral judgments or finger-wagging. My point is just that things like the Honesty Box are specifically asking for people's candid opinions. In most cases those are not so nice. Add anonymity to that mix and you've got a situation that I think is bound to take a turn toward the uncool.

What should a wife do?

Whatever the hell she wants to do. Just like any other person, male or female.

There's a girl I knew vaguely in college who is still on my facebook friends list and often posts semi-nude photos of herself. Her page says she's in a relationship with a guy, but I assume that whoever it is is ok with her posting those photos or else they wouldn't be dating. I don't see why I should assume that he is upset by it if he hasn't said so, and I don't see how its any of my business at all.

That said, the honesty box is asking for people to give you their honest opinions when they might otherwise have concluded its none of their business. I would uninstall it and then delete any "friends" who post mean things un-anonymously.

Okay where to start? I appreciate everyone's support and "Eff em!"s. I love how positive everyone is about this thread. And if I was feeling hurt or unsure about my pictures, after getting all of this support I definitely don't feel it now. But my main point wasn't that I was butthurt about the messages in the sense that people don't like what I'm doing. The thing that bothered me the most is that somehow it's not okay for a woman to be sexy once she's married and that in some way a husband now determines how sexy she can get. Nevermind that our bodies belonged to us before the significant others, but now that we are married, somehow we have to curtail to our husband's opinions about our sexuality.

Maybe I'm being a bit extreme in my thought process, but at the root of a lot of the messages I receive this seemed to be the common theme. Also, I have a question, and I'm playing devil's advocate with this, what if my husband didn't approve of the pictures and I continued to take them? A lot of you have mentioned that the images are not offensive or demeaning, so as a wife would I be wrong to keep taking sexy pics? It makes me happy, but should I stop because my husband doesn't approve? I wanted to find out what you guys thought about that.

Also to touch on the Smooth, King, and urban model image. Yes, I'm aware that all we show is our bodies.But I do get tired of other women passing judgement on something that they don't do and no nothing about. I know that many people think that all of us urban models are idiots, or that we are being controlled by black patriachy. True of the matter is everyone is aware at what is going on. We know that we are being exploited. The trick is to control the amount of exploitation by setting up your own website, copyrighting your images, being very picky about what you will and will not shoot, selling your own calendars and posters and making a profit off of the men who ogle you.

Contrary to belief, we are not all hoes and stupid. The women that I have encountered are college educated, wordly, mothers, doctoral students, married,single, CEO's, highly intelligent,and/or shrewd businesswomen. I hate that women take one look at what we do and pass judgement. Because I pose in a bikini, does that make me any less of a feminist? I'm aware of the history, especially being a black woman, Venus Hottentot is always in the back of my head.

Sigh. There's so much more I want to say, but that's a whole other post.
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It sounds like these people who are sending messages are in complete ignorance of your relationship, your husband's feelings, and the reasons why you model. Therefore they are assuming how your husband feels and projecting how they would feel if they were in the husband's situation. It just another form of stereotyping. If you and your husband have a healthy relationship, that is all that matters.

Thanks for posting Michaela! I understand what you are getting at and I think you are right to assert yourself.

I think it's a tough question regarding whether you should still do it if he didn't approve. I think it depends on the reasons he gives and how strongly he feels and whether or not there are things he does that you don't approve of.

In such a situation I'd recommend talking with him and letting him know how you feel, etc. If he persisted I'd have to decide how important it was for me to continue. If it was very important, then I would do it anyways, if it wasn't that important, I would respect my spouse's wishes. That's what I think after not alot of thought!

The reality of the situation is that how we choose to present our bodies is loaded with implications. I'm not the type of feminist who revokes someone's "good feminist" card if they wear heels, makeup, strip for a living, model, or what-have-you - or if they choose to dress modestly, work as a homemaker, etc.

But our choices are loaded with implications, whether we want them to be or not. If you dress your baby daughter in pink and your baby son in blue, I'm not going to send you to feminist exile. But that's a politically and culturally loaded decision - even if pink just coincidentally complements your daughter's skin tone and blue just happens to match your son's eyes, what we do can take all kinds of insidious meanings in the world, and that's one of the most frustrating parts of being a woman and a feminist.

Am I implying that women shouldn't take sexy pictures of themselves? No. Absolutely not. My only concern is that sometimes, in these conversations, I see sexuality reduced to "the visibility of my unclothed body", I see empowerment reduced to "feeling proud, flattered, or attractive through adherence to dominant standards of sexiness, beauty, and femininity" and I see the conflicted, labyrinthine world of choice in a patriarchal environment reduced to "It's feminist because it was something she chose".

Now, I want to note that the visibility of one's body can be part of one's sexuality, feeling proud and attractive can be part of one's empowerment, and sometimes a woman making a choice is inherently feminist. Given the context, taking your clothes off can just be powerful as choosing to wear a hijab.

However, sometimes, as women, resisting one patriarchal box (the idea that married women should dress modestly) means inadvertently fitting into another (the idea that women should have and display bodies that are appealing to men).

So all of this said, I do think there are negative implications to posing in a sexy men's magazine. To sum those up, here's a quote from Twisty:

I allude to the confident, photogenic, entirely fictitious female who inhabits TV ads, “Sex in the City,” Oprah, and the popular imagination. Today’s woman isn’t a feminist. She doesn’t need to be, because she’s empowered.

On the other hand, we have someone who feels that her body is supposed to be covered in a sweater-set once she has a ring on her finger, who derives pride and pleasure from modeling, and who thus made a conscious and willing decision to do something that is both enjoyable to her and strongly resistant to certain hegemonic expectations.

The temptation here is to try to do the math and figure out whether her choice is good, bad, or breaking even. But numbers do not apply to this situation. They never do. I don't think we can say it's wrong. But I do think we can say it's difficult. It's a choice that can be easy to make, just as it was easy for me to choose to work as an escort for awhile to bring in extra money, but it's also a choice that can be difficult for other women, other feminists, feminism in general, society in general. It's a difficult, complicated thing.

So in conclusion, I'm not really coming to any conclusions. When I read a post like Mrs. Stephens', I get this conflicted feeling in my gut, and that's all I want to do justice to - those of us for whom such choices aren't a clearcut wrong, right, feminist, patriarchal, but difficult.

I think its a shame that people are asserting themselves into your personal life like this, presuming to tell you what your marriage looks like from the inside, or what your husband thinks about your job, or why you do the work you do.

Smooth and King seem about on par with Maxim, which is a super-lame, chauvinist publication. The thing is, is that I like the pictures in magazines like Maxim, like the ones taken for the Hot 100 issue. I'm a heterosexual female in a committed relationship with a man, but I like looking at glamorous pictures of attractive women. I also take pride in my body--I work out and eat right, and not because I'm trying to please anyone else or live up to some standard, but because I like the way I feel--I feel confident, sexy, and healthy. And pictures of fit, healthy women posing in bikinis sometimes offers me that extra inspiration to go work out or resist the temptation of a big, juicy burger.

But anyways, my point is that it's not so much the pictures that are problematic, but the message behind them, which is judging the value of a woman based on her appearance, which is clearly the point of things like the "Hot 100" and the fact that Maxim also feels the need to devalue women like Sarah Jessica Parker and Tina Fey for not being attractive enough to fit their standards. Which, by the way, I think is so weird because I think Tina Fey is like, super hot, not mention super funny, which only adds to the hotness.

In conclusion, I think it's totally possible to pose in sexy outfits and take glamorous pictures in a way that is empowering and celebrating the beauty of your body and of the female form in general. But I think posing for magazines like Maxim (and I keep using Maxim as an example because, admittedly, I'm not all that familiar with either Smooth or King) does not really accomplish this.

You're a autonomous person first, and a wife second. While taking your partner's wishes and feelings into account is important, your partner should do the same for you. The best thing is when you can be with someone whose ethics, principles, and general way of thinking with life jive with your own to a great extent, and problems like this don't even arise. Or if they do, they can be resolved because of mutual love and respect. You seem to have no problems with your husband, so really don't worry about the idiots writing in your honesty box-you asked for comments, and you got a few stupid ones. Doesn't make what you're doing morally wrong. Whatever you do, however you do it, you will make someone on the internet pissed off, so it's not worth stressing over if you're being honest to who you are.
I shouldn't even weigh in on this "exploitation" argument, because everyone seems to have said everything that needs to be said. But I can't resist adding one little thing: you seem very thoughtful, and my (totally unsolicited, I know) opinion is that you should remain thoughtful about your choices. Don't let yourself ever be sucked in by a party line or a catch phrase on either side of this debate (i.e., raunch culture is bad! Boobies are empowering! Both reductive.) Find your own moral center, informed by the extrinsic evidence you have and your idea of how you want the world to be, and do what you damn want.

Sorry Michaela, but the photos listed on your site perpetuate, to quote a recent song, the idea of "Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me..." By presenting yourself as a women worthy to be drooled over (I won't be more graphic than that, but I am sure you guys catch my drift), this is a very anti-feminist thing. Your pictures aren't in bikinis, most are either nude or in lingerie. You are posed in mostly submissive sexual poses. Your sole purpose is for men's gratification, thereby posing a problem for women who don't look like you. Sorry love, but I think you have bigger issues to figure out than just what people say about your relationship with your husband.

I have to respond to this because...well did you actually look at my pictures? I'm only nude in one pose, and it's an artistic nude with leaves covering my body. The rest of the pics I'm either fully clothed clothing, or in bikinis/lingerie, in yes, sexy poses. I never denied that I have sexy images, but please don't make it sound like my page is something it's not. I would really appreciate this. I don't understand also why you think what I do is solely for mens gratification either, has it ever occured to you that I enjoy posing sexily? That I love to be photographed. Why is that because I take sexy pictures that automatically it has to be for a man? I've been nothing but respectful in my replies to anyone on this, but I don't appreciate you trying to perpetuate the notion that my pictures are all nude or in lingerie. As I mentioned before I never denied having sexy pictures, but I hate someone writing something about me that isn't true. And why can't I still consider myself a feminist?

Yes, I do agree that I partake in one thing, that is based in exploitation, but that automatically negates me from calling myself a feminist? I love to pose and it makes me happy. Not because I have any issues, but b/c I love what I do and I'm comfortable in my skin not to feel ashamed about it. And how are you able to judge me? I consider myself a feminist b/c I want better rights for women.I hate that we still only make 80 cents of every man's dollar. I think that Hilary got shafted, and I hate the slut/stud double standard with a passion. I have taken care of myself, paid every rent, utility and insurance, and tuition bill on my own since I was 19 and have also worked and never once depended on a man for a job or for money. I've marched for women's rights and was a raised by a militant, feminist single mother. I'm also a mentor to young teenage girls at a local public high school. So, because I pose sexily in lingerie in magazines, I'm basically a thorn in feminism's side?

And finally, why is it that I have to go through this whole spiel for women such as you to accept me as a feminist? Why is there a curriculum to determine who is a feminist and who isn't? How are you more qualified to be my judge?

I don't want to be an asshole, but why are there so many comments on this post than the post about Sotomayor that's currently on the frontpage? Why as feminists do we care so much more about one woman taking and posting pictures of herself using her own free will than the President nominating someone to the Supreme Court who will serve for decades?

Also some women enjoy looking at sexy pictures and pornography, straight and LGB, so I think eliminating this would not make the world any better.

I like that you are SMILING in a lot of your pictures. The only pornography and pictures that disturb me are ones where the woman looks in pain (or I know she is because the guy is going to town on her) or looks like she is about to be murdered or something.

Also I like that your hair is natural and curly in a lot of the pics and a lot of the pics are fun and cute or artistic, not just 'sexy' pics. If you saw a single pic in isolation you could get the wrong idea of the variety of your modeling.

To thanxgoodall: I think that this issue is more complicated and debatable. Sotomayor is obviously qualified and a lot of the coverage is bullshit calling her 'racist' because she is a proud latina. What is there to discuss?

The question that comes to my mind, and forgive a 1:30 AM lack of eloquence, is why your marriage is part of what you're presenting with the photos? Sure, your husband is fine with the modeling, and it's great that you have the communication 'behind the scenes' that supports this. But in my view, your relationship is what is intimate in your life, and it's being enmeshed into that public perception. It is the flip side of what a lot of people consider to be intimate - you're getting reactions from viewers who see the body as intimate and who would be more likely to display the relationship instead.

You're clearly comfortable with your physical image being available. As you say, you and your husband consider the modeling to be separate from the marriage. However, you're bringing both to FB and people are not going to be privy to that off-camera communication between you two. What would be the impact of taking your marriage status out of FB, and keeping the modeling and marriage separate from the view of others?

Michaela I am an antifeminist and dont care what pics you post. I would't care if you did porn. Feminism saying they are giving women control over their bodies then say women are being objectified because they choose to dress sexy for men or as a job such your modeling. Be proud of your body and dont let feminist victim mentality control it. Antifeminists want true gender equality.

Thanks for joining us.

I'm beyond disgusted by sme of the comments on here. Sexism takes away a person's right to be an individual, just like some of these comments do. Yes, some women want to be sexy, provacutive and desired by the male gaze and do so from a position of education on sexism. Some of the comments completely remove a woman's agency to make decisions for herself. Is all some people on here are doing is reinforcing the idea that a woan can not be both sexual and seek male attention, and still be an intelligent human being. WHo the hell are you to tell a woman in what ways she is and is not allowed to feel sexy? B/c when people start attcking boob jobs, make-up and high hells in the name of feminism, that is precisely what they are doing.

I'm beyond disgusted by sme of the comments on here. Sexism takes away a person's right to be an individual, just like some of these comments do. Yes, some women want to be sexy, provacutive and desired by the male gaze and do so from a position of education on sexism. Some of the comments completely remove a woman's agency to make decisions for herself. Is all some people on here are doing is reinforcing the idea that a woan can not be both sexual and seek male attention, and still be an intelligent human being. Who are you to tell a woman in what ways she is and is not allowed to feel sexy? B/c when people start attcking boob jobs, make-up and high hells in the name of feminism, that is precisely what they are doing.

She can do whatever you want but I take issue with claiming to be progressive while actively participating in the exploitation of women by continuing to perpetuate the same patriarchical nonsense.

Irregardless if you are serving the patriarchy or what, because we are all acculturated to do that, I really commend you on taking a tough stance and being open and honest to discussion with some rather close-minded people in this forum.

In any case, you serve the patriarchy in a different way than I might, but its something we all do even if we consciously try to fight it. Do what makes you happy, and ignore people who are going to other and belittle you because of it. Life's too short to be bothered with that.

For the most part people have missed the intersection of culture and race here.

Non-European beauty remains largely marginalized the mainstream media, modeling and even in erotic/sexual materials.

The void is mainly being filled with hyper-sexualized imagery such as Smooth magazine and popular music videos. I don't care how well meaning parents are, but I'd venture a guess that most girls at some point look outward for validation of their appearance. This means that girls with dark skin have a lot fewer places to look if they want to see women who even remotely resemble them and who are considered desirable; they must also simultaneously attempting to drown out people referring to them as 'nappy', fat, 'dark BUT still pretty', etc, etc.

Now here is where it gets tricky.

I checked out both Michaela's website and the magazines that were mentioned. I doubt highly that these models are inspiring eating disorders or an unhealthy lifestyle. I reckon mainstream folks like Lindsey Lohan, Olsen Twins, Keira Knightly, Victoria Beckham, Nicole Richie, Kate Moss, Kate Bosworth, etc. are doing that just fine. For the most part, the women I saw on the cover of some of the magazines have plenty of meat on their bones and look healthy. Yet would anyone of these body types have been acceptable at the final level of Miss America/USA?

I'm not defending the hyper-sexualization that these magazines promote but I do think that in a greater cultural context, these magazines and photos are a statement in of themselves that for a lot of people these models validate the fact that darker skin, more tone and padding on the body is also sexy.

We all know that European beauty isn't going to magically step off the pedestal. So I sort of feel it a bit unfair to criticize women here utilizing probably the one place that showcases different looks without recognizing the beauty hierarchy that the majority community has not only created but continues to impose on everybody else by being exclusionary.

Yes, I would love to see a day when women are not overly sexualized period. And a day where we can get over the collective obsession with beauty or at least make it a lot more inclusive of men and women and all types of people.

But until then I'm going to proceed with caution in the analysis of culture, beauty, sexiness and feminism.