Don’t be so hard on yourself. It is normal to have internal battles going on in our heads about things like this. Not having surgery you want because some others might have less respect for that decision is no less dependent than choosing to have surgery to win someone else’s approval. This is your body and no one else’s. If you decide to do it, know that you owe no explanation to anyone for your decision; it isn’t even up for discussion. Make the best informed choice you can about which doctor you choose and give it some time to sink in. Really do your research on what kind of look you really feel comfortable with and seek out support online if you need to. There are many message boards and info sites about this from others who have had ps. As much as people like to say that looks aren’t that important you cannot get away from the fact that we as humans are to some extent always going to be pack animals and that there isn’t a society known to man that doesn’t have some type of beauty norms or ideals so it is normal to want to like the way your outside looks. It doesn’t mean you have neglected your spirit or your intellect just because you want prettier boobs. It’s a boob job, not a personality transplant, so you can still be true to yourself. Good luck.

Fear not! As a woman in this society (I'm assuming you're in America, if not, sorry) it's unfortunately normal to hate your body and wish you could get plastic surgery. I and lots of women I know want it. Even as a feminist, it's hard to completely throw away every message you've ever been told about how you should look, and why it's bad you don't look that way.

But it sounds like you have a problem perceived as worse than a big bumpy nose or small breasts. So I'm sorry if I sound privileged in my answer. I don't know exactly how deformed your breasts are, so it's hard to help, but my guess is that they aren't that bad. However, you don't need to feel bad about getting reconstructive surgery. If it truly will make you feel better, it's extremely understandable why you would want to fix a deformity, people do it all the time. Your deformity just happens to be on your breasts, the most sexualised part of the female body. If it helps, don't think of it as getting your breasts redone, think of it as getting any old deformity fixed.

Or better yet, if you're able to, think of your breasts as uniquely yours. They don't look like anyone else. Who cares what they are supposed to look like anyway? Yours can be 'normal,' whatever normal is supposed to mean. You've got breasts like nobody else, and you can own them if you want to. But again, if they really bother you, it is perfectly okay to get the surgery.

I agree with crumpet in that this is your decision to make for your own reasons, your body an no one else's. I am sorry to hear that this situation has caused you so much emotional pain. I wanted to ask you something - have you gone to or considered counseling? The reason I ask is because it seems to me, correct me if I'm wrong, that your desire for surgery has two primary reasons; the physical and emotional desire for change. A mental health professional can be invaluable in helping you work through emotional pain. A good therapist can also be a neutral non-threatening person to talk to about the whole situation. Talking about this could help you process your thoughts and make a decision about what you want to do. Anyway, just my thoughts. I wish you all the best in whichever your choice.

Huh. I just Google-imaged tuberous (or tubular) breasts and...they look just like mine! I'm an A cup, and they poke out just like that, with very little fat tissue under the nipples. They aren't asymmetrical, really, though they are both so small that I don't think asymmetry would be noticeable. :)

I learned something today! My Exquisite Rare Miniatures have a name!

But, anyway, I encourage you to do what will give you peace. I've always been wary of anyone who liked to tell me what I "should" or "shouldn't" do based on THEIR life experience or criteria. Yes, I'm a feminist, but I also love pretty dresses and high heels. It doesn't mean I'm not authentic. I do these things because they make me feel good, and certainly not for male attention, seeing as I don't really fit the norm there anyway.

Feeling "defective" is very hard to overcome. It took me so long, mainly because, even NOT counting media images, so few normal, everyday women had breasts my size and shape. As a teen, I could write off unrealistic media boobs, but it was so hard to see NONE of my classmates or female relatives with chests like mine. That's what hurt the most. As a teen, I spent almost every night crying. I really feel for you.

But good luck, and I hope you have success in your reconstruction. :)

I don't think you should feel bad about it if you've already made the decision to have surgery. If you really think it will make you happy, go for it. It doesn't sound like you're doing it to please anyone but yourself.

However, I just tried wikipedia and google and I can't find a "deformity" called tuberous breasts. The results on google image search look normal enough to me. I was expecting some sort of surface deformity shaped like tubers or something! They just look like normal breasts to me. Not all breasts are as round as the ones they show in movies.

I googled tuberous breasts too and also thought they looked normal. Western medicine and particularly plastic surgeons have this pesky habit /sarcasm/ of pathogizing women's bodies; giving perfectly normal conditions medical-sounding names to exert authority over women's bodies and make money. For more on that, see Naomi Wolfe's The Beauty Myth.

The only places on google that I saw listing tuberous breasts and calling them a "deformity" were plastic surgeons' sites. And they have an ulterior motive. The pictures I saw looked like totally normal, small breasts.

Its OK if you want to get surgery. I hope that you can find a way to be at peace with your body.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over this... one of the brutal realities of patriarchy is that it does shape us, and it does shape the way we view our bodies, and trying to be a good feminist doesn't always fix that.

The way I see it, nobody can ever be a saint. To think that we should somehow rise above our culture and be perfect in every way could even be considered a rather patriarchal way of thinking. If the plastic surgery means that much to you, maybe you should do it, maybe it'd be that one hurdle you need to jump across and then you can be a 'good feminist' in all sorts of other ways... and I say this as someone very staunchly against plastic surgery in general. We shouldn't have to demand everything of ourselves.

I kind of liken this sort of situation (which I deal with myself quite a bit, I have a horrible body image) to drinking a bottle of Coke. We all know that Coke is not good for us, and terrible for the world in general. But sometimes, we really really want some, and we know that drinking that one bottle of Coke will just brighten up our day. I'd say go for it, indulge yourself, just don't make a habit of it.

Obviously, that's a very trivial example, and something like plastic surgery is a pretty big thing as it permanently alters your body. But I think sometimes we just need to indulge ourselves and then devote that time and energy we were putting towards our worries to something more productive. =)

I think of this as kind of like getting a tattoo. It's a body modification that can be good or bad depending on why people get it. People who get tattoos to look cool, seem tough or becasue their partner will think it's sexy may regret it later. People who get tattoos because it's a physical expression of how they feel inside or because they found something meaningful enough to permenantly incorporate onto their body are less likely to regret their decision. If you've thought it through and are sure you want it, go for it. Every time I see my tattoo in the mirror I smile a little, and there is no reason you shouldn't feel that way, too, if you're sure the surgery would make you feel better about yourself. Good luck.

Also did the google thing and they do not look abnormal or deformed to me (but then again that could just be the type of breasts that you have and they could look different from the ones we are seeing on google) But man oh man, almost all the google images that I saw show people who used to have tubular breasts going to "normal" breasts.

I can understand how you feel and I can understand why you would want to change them. Here is another perspective though. I have virtually no ass. I have pretty decent sized breasts, but my stomach hangs out and my back has no curve in it so it is completely straight. My breasts basically sit on my stomach but had I been born with a bigger butt, I would not look so disproportionate. I have hated myself for years over it and I have always hated my body. I have a boyfriend who, like yours, cannot see why I would have such hatred towards my appearance and he tells me all the time that I am beautiful; but that does not make me believe it about myself. However, I will not have plastic surgery because 1) I am afraid to and that is probably the biggest thing and 2) Even though I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror, I cannot bring myself to change myself because I would constantly think for the rest of my life "This is not what I looked like when I was born...I had to modify myself in order to think I was worth something..." and that would actually make me feel worse about myself. It would be as if I hate my straight hair and so I constantly wore a curly-haired wig for the rest of the my life. People would give me compliments on how lovely my hair looks, but they would be fake because I know this is not my real hair and I know what my real hair looks like.

I am not at all trying to change your mind, but I am presenting another perspective is all. While I am not afraid necessarily of being judged by others if I ever got plastic surgery, I just know that I would hate myself more because that would not be who I really was.

I don't think you need to worry about other's judgment. What if the problem was somewhere other than your breasts? Let's say if you had a odd lip, or a wonky toe, or webbed fingers that was relatively fixable by surgery, are you the type of person who would be reluctant to fix the problem? My point is that it would be your own choice, and no one would judge you for choosing to let the problem be or leave it alone. The problem is that our culture vests so much importance into breasts and their appearance that it's challenging not to get caught up in the debate surrounding them. So, try not to stress as much about the culture ramifications, and think of it as your body, and you get to decide what to do with it.

There is a far difference between reconstructive surgery and cosmetic surgery. I'm getting a tummy tuck, for instance, not because I want a bikini body, but because I lost a lot of weight rapidly several years ago and now have about 20 pounds of loose skin on my abdomen. As a feminist, I wrestled with my decision for all of two seconds. I consider my excess skin to be not only a medical issue, but a mental health issue. So many people don't consider mental health as part of our overall wellness. If this surgery will help restore your good mental health, I don't see it as very much different than any other medical procedure.

The things we want might be structured by The Evil Patriarchy, but that doesn't make wanting them a bad thing, and we're not bad feminists for it. Your body is your own, and if anyone criticizes what you do with it, THAT'S bad feminism!

Your post made me tear up :( I am exactly the same. I am also considered "deformed" (also tuberous, to an extent). I hadn't even realised until my partner made a comment about it and I did some research (on the same site actually) - before then I had thought they were sexy.

I wish I could tell you not to get the surgery but I would be a hypocrite because I want it too. I'm dealing with it by putting it off for as long as possible. I'm hoping eventually I will be able to accept myself, even if I can't now. What also works is turning off al the lights and having my boyfriend touch them. It feels absolutely wonderful and I know if I get surgery most of the sensitivity will be destroyed. I'm worried that by doing it I will actually hate them even more.

I hope that whatever decisions we both make we are able to accept our breasts, once and for all.

I think you should not worry about the surgery as a potential conflict with your feminism. it's not like you are doing it because someone pressured you into it, and even though you may wonder if you want the surgery in order to conform to the society's standards of what a female body should look like, it's a complicated question. Is it ok, for example, to wear make up, or is this just another way we try to conform to the standards the media feeds us? What about the clothes we wear? Does a woman stop being a feminist if she wears heels? Is she doing it for herself or for others? I am not saying I have an answer to that, and its possible that even the most hard core feminists' body image is insidiously affected by the sexist standards out there. But it does seem like you want to do this for yourself, and if its coming from you, I don't think you should be having this internal conflict.

I am an feminist and I had a breast reduction, and girl I would do it 100 more times. I can now concentrate on me and feel good being me, rather then carry around huge sand bags and feel down. If its for you then do it, if its for everyone else think about it.
Annie

Ideally one's physical appearance wouldn't matter. But unfortunately that's not really the case. There is a beauty ideal out there. Part of it is evolution, but mostly it is shaped by culture. However, I don't think it's sexist or shallow to acknowledge this ideal, or to want it, or to acknowledge it is good for those who have it. It is only sexist and shallow when you place too much importance on it, when other deeper qualities are ignored. Because I think in most circumstances the features of your mind and soul are more important than the features of your body.

Like any major decision you need to weigh your options. It the dangers of surgery, loss of sensation, cost, etc. versus the improvement of self-image non-tubular breasts would grant. Just avoid obsessing over it, since there are so many things more important.

Though I’m willing to bet that guys will be more impressed by your increased confidence than by the ‘new breasts’ themselves. If it really improves your life it will be because of the change of self image and not physical change.

You're a feminist, but you're also a human. You aren't immune to society's critiques. EVERY DAY I shave my arms and legs and pluck my eyebrows because I'm so scared of being harassed again the way I was in middle school for not conforming to how society says I should look. Does that make me a bad feminist? Not at all; not everything we do has to be 'for the good of womankind' or even remotely progressive. Sometimes, we just gotta get by.

If your breasts were relatively normal, I'd say maybe try seeking counseling first before going under the knife. But if they're truly 'deformed'... girl, you don't owe us anything. Do what will make your life easiest.

If you think your breasts are deformed and this is something you feel you need to do, nobody else's opinion matters.

After all, you're the one that is going to have to deal with the social pressure and ridicule because you're breasts don't look like they are "supposed to".

Of course, the fact that women like yourself feel that they have to have surgery to conform to American beauty standards is,/i> sexist - but that's society's problem, it doesn't make you any less of a feminist because you have to have the surgery to conform to that social pressure.

But what does matter is your life and health and that matters a whole lot - you're young and have a lot of years ahead of you.

Now, if your breast surgery requires general anesthesia, you are at risk for death.

This is especially true if your surgery is going to be performed in a doctor's office.

You don't want to end up like Dr Donda West.

That's rapper Kan'ye West's mother - who died during a breast enlargement/belly reduction procedure in the office of Dr Jan Adams, MD.

The State of California revoked his license after that lethal procedure - because it wasn't his first act of gross medical incompetence.

In any case, I hope that you have your procedure in a hospital, with an anesthesiologist assisting your plastic surgeon - some plastic surgeons do the anesthesia themselves, which means that nobody is watching your vital signs when he/she is doing the reconstructive work.

A lot of women have died in the back rooms of plastic surgeon's offices because of that.

So, please, have your procedure in an actual hospital, not the doctor's office - so if you "code" [go into cardiac arrest] they can begin lifesaving procedures immediately.

Also, you have a right to have both your surgeon and your anesthesiologist meet with you in private, and explain everything that they are going to do, and explain all the risks to you, prior to surgery.

I recently had the experience of the receptionist at the St Luke's Hospital obesity clinic trying to bully me over the phone into making an on the spot commitment to have my stomach stapled, and to attend a 4 hour "mandatory seminar" before the doctor would even deign to speak to me one on one about my weight issues.

If your doctor is trying to rush you into surgery like that - run the other way!

Again, I hope you are getting the best of care here, I hope your surgeon has thoroughly explained everything to you in plain English, I hope you're not getting any bullshit from your insurance company about paying for it and I hope your surgery goes as planned and gives you the results you want and need.

Good luck!