Growing up I can always remember that I had a "cool mom", she was the mom that took me an my friends across 2 state lines to see our favorite band play, she would get us pizza in the middle of the night because we sounded bored and she was always there to help us with any questions we had about (gasp) sex. She was a single mom who had to work just to get us by. She was a heavy set red head in the midst of thin blondes. We lived in a upper class white neighborhood, but we were always the odd ones. The other moms were not so open with their children and didn't always like the things I would come to school spouting off the things I learned at home.
There are times I can remember coming home from elementary school and asking such questions such as "What is a blow job?", and sure enough my mother told me. The one incident that always stuck with me was the time I questioned her about masturbation. The look on my mothers face was horrific, you would have thought I told her about committing murder. At that point I knew that things were changed. Quickly my once fun and open mother became less willing to answer my questions. That was 7 years ago.
I am a female who is an open book when it comes to sexuality and my opinions on it, but the one thing I never talk about is masturbation. This stems from that awkward day with my mother. I can tell my friends anything and vice versa, but yet we never get to the topic of how often and if we even do masturbate. We crack jokes while in sex shops and make occasional comment about what kind of porn we watch. But we never really discuss it. Guys are able to give gritty details about jerking off and sometimes do it while around each other, but that is a rarity. Women should be able to talk openly about masturbation with one another.
I am a woman. I throughly enjoy watching pornography (Shine Louise Houston has made some great stuff for those of you who are to scared to ask). And I masturbate.
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I also watch porn and I masturbate as well =)
Ditto. I just recently bought Shine's "Superfreak" and "Barcelona Sex Project." Great movies.
I LOVE porn and love to make myself come over and over again :D
Swwwweet! Ditto! There should be a holiday to commemorate multiple orgasms, vibrators and porn!
((sigh))...I can dream....
Any fans of Buck Angel? LOOOOOVE that guy!!
Thanks Tristan Taormino for writing an article on him! Greatest male porn star I have ever seen!
Wow, that's just...bizarre that your mom would do such a complete 180. My curiosity would be burning to know why...did someone shame her once very badly for it? That's unfortunate.
My friends and I have no problem discussing it. :) We call it "flicking the bean", and we talk about how it's different for each of us. My bean likes its right side better than the left. Another friend prefers circular motions around, but never touching, her clitoris. My best friend must use her left hand or no go!
It's all fascinating. Women seem to have more varied methods of pleasure and more particular tastes than men.
I've been watching the 3rd season of One Tree Hill on DVD lately. A girl, Brooke, was caught masterbating by another girl, Rachel. Rachel called what she was doing "Brooke-ing herself." I liked that since it made it personal. So in my case it would be "Toni-ing myself."
I wish my friends were more open like yours!
Agreed, people need to get over it. EVERYONE MASTURBATES. Or, in cases of extreme brainwashing and religious/cultural guilt, everyone wants to. :)
I agree 100% with the other commenters. And "flicking the bean", that's such a cute name!
*applauds* damn right!
Well to be fair, I'm sure not EVERYONE masturbates, and that there are some people out there (asexuals, etc) who don't masturbate by choice, not because of repression or embarassment or ignorance. Nobody should be shamed on either side of the equation.
My own mom story: several years after I had figured out how to masturbate totally on my own, my mother decided to have a talk with me about it while we were trapped alone together on a 2 1/2 hour car ride. She was very positive and I suppose it was a good parenting move on her part, but I couldn't touch myself for weeks after that. Bleagh.
Happy it was my former step-sister I learned all the 'dirty' words from. I think I wouldve had the same reaction if my mom had talked to me about that. Luckily my mother at the time was nicely brainwashed by that anti-feminist neurotic Dr. Laura. The furthest my mom went with sex was solely around reproduction (sperm and egg) and to protect myself from menz's sexy minded brains!
Yay masturbation! :)
Simple, accurate and right on! Couldn't say more myself!
I used to moderate a sex education forum online. And for one part, I described how I masturbated to answer a question.
When my friends found out, they were mortified! They behaved as though I had done something seriously embarrassing. My peers were pretty uptight when I was a teen. We could discuss sex (ewww!) with other people, but not masturbation. Why? There's the assumption that women don't like sex or can't like it. As long as we're having heterosexual sex, and doing something to please a partner, it's fine. But as soon as we're pretty much admitting we enjoy sexual pleasure and seek it out on our own, there's something "wrong".
Right. I really wish masturbation was included in popular discourses, in sex ed classes, etc. Partnered sex is potentially risky, but masturbation carries almost no risks (except a cramped hand).
My last halloween costume was putting on giant shades and gluing fur to my palms. I'd run up to people and shout, "It's TRUUUEEEE!!!" Watching people's reactions was the best.
that is by far one of the best costumes I have heard of.
that is by far one of the best costumes I have heard of.
"My last halloween costume was putting on giant shades and gluing fur to my palms. I'd run up to people and shout, "It's TRUUUEEEE!!!"
HA HA! Wished you lived in my town! That would've been brilliant! I'd love to see that!
It's like that with my sister. She is perfectly fine when discussing the fact I'm queer (I'm bi but I've been using the term "queer" lately as I feel it describes anyone who isn't straight). But she is completely uncomfortable when talking about masterbation. Like I mentioned how in many states vibrators are banned and she said "let's not talk about that."
My former step-sister was just the opposite. She was an open bisexual,(except she was more into men than women and vice versa with me) had no problem practicing certain free sexualities with guys and women and watching porn. I learned alot from her. However she did have some hugely erroneous ideas about sex and safety. She believed the myth that the condom doesnt prevent transmission of sperm or AIDs. On one hand she helped develop a evolved sense of sexual identity for myself, on the other I was afraid of doing any sexual activity wih males as she did for (rationally) fear of pregnancy. I wasn't bothered about anything sexual with the females though. Its good when youre young and have a emerging sexuality thats different from the one "Dr. Laura" (and her kind)espouses and to have someone affirm it and not reject or undermine it as sinful or wrong.
My friends fall into two categories: either we can shop for vibrators together, or I can't even mention the subject too them...
I agree about the cracking jokes bit... me and my friends (we are 15-16) makes plenty of sex jokes, mimick various sexual positions in an amusing manner :) and if we do talk about sex seriously, its always about blow-jobs, hand-jobs, actual sex, etc., but never about the vag. I can't really contribute much to those conversations, but it always strikes me odd that everything with the penis is safe to talk about, but no one mentions the vag!
Thats what it used to be like when I was in high school. My friends would have no problem talking about doing it 'doggy style' or about their first sex, but would have an issue if you even brought up masturbation abstractly. Maybe they saw it as too touchy feely, like Beaches or something?
I was in a foster home when I was 9 years old. My foster mother caught me masturbating once in the early hours of the morning, and shamed me in front of the whole household by yelling at me loudly and ranting about it to all of her friends. They even went so far as to make fun of me saying they didn't want to go near me, and did I wash my hands. It took me a log time to recover from that.
Wow. That is a nightmare type of experience. Horrible, horrible, horrible. That to me is like a type of child abuse.
The difference of opinion between male and female masturbation is always struck me and bizarre and insidious. Either way you're stimulating your own genitals for sexual pleasure, what's the difference?
I guess the difference is that female sexuality isn't supposed to exist without another person. It like we're only partially recognizing female sexuality. In the 19th century female sexuality had zero recognition. In fact women were given vibrators to induce "hysterical paroxyms" that supposedly cured "hysteria". The idea of a 'female orgasm' didn't even cross their minds back then. Now it seems we’re still influenced by that time, if only partially.
The fact that the OP’s mother was open about everything sexual EXCEPT masturbation makes me think of the old feminist argument that in a patriarchy female sexuality only exists to please men. Unless the OP’s mother thinks all sex should be with another person, this post suggests she sees sex and more about the man’s pleasure, which is unfortunate.
Plus, don't forget that vaginas are considered "dirty", so if you're touching it, you are dirty. >:(
The double standard makes me mad.
Well, I personally can't STAND porn, but I love masturbating. I'm very open with most of my friends about sex and masturbation. Talking about masturbation is like talking about what we had for dinner- just as casual, but much more interesting. :)