So, I notice this often, and I'm really, really sick of it.
I hear it here occasionally, actually in many places where women come together to talk about being women.
We've all heard of fat-shaming, but ever heard of skinny-shaming?
I am a naturally small woman. I am tall, I am skinny, and I'm fucking healthy. I weigh 115 lbs. I'm 5'8, I wear an A cup, I even wear a size 2 in jeans.
I guess that makes me a bitch. Or worse yet, a skinny bitch.
I have something to say to all of you or anyone who would insult me because of my size.
I -am- a real woman thank you; I have a vaginia just like you. I have a period, just like those of us that have a uterus, or are pre-menopause. If that doesn't make me a real woman what does?
I am tired of being insulted, talked down to and my personal experiences being derided just because I'm skinny, naturally.
Words hurt just as much if you are being called a fat cow, or "fucking anorexic" your whole life.
Or being objectified because you have large breasts, or being called "boyish" because you have small breasts.
Yes, clothes are -just- as hard to find if you are as small as I am.
Even increasingly harder as America wakes up and realizes not all women fall between a size four and a size eight.
I am tired of being told to "eat a fucking sandwich" or eat fatty food, or my fave of all "I'll bet you never eat".
One, if I never ate I'd be dead.
Two, I bet I can out snarf you at a pie eating contest; I actually eat more than my boyfriend.
Three I'll eat a fucking salad if I want to, I like them!
So, to sum all this up? Are you a big woman, fat or whatever you want to call it? Awesome! I won't insult you for not fitting society's beauty standard, don't insult me for fitting them.
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What's with that "boyish" term, anyway? I'm pretty sure that if you put me in a room with any number of boys of any age or body type, I would stand out as the adult woman.
I agree with a lot of what you are saying. I am also on the small side and find it offensive when other women suggest that I am not a real woman because of my size.
However, there are many privileges to being thin in a society that prizes "thinness" and is cruel and discriminatory to those women who do not align with the strict beauty standards that society upholds. While individuals may treat you and me unfairly, we do not need to worry that we will be discriminated against in the workplace or in the job market because we are thin. We wont need to start paying extra for an airplane ticket because of our weight. If in the position to be considered for the Supreme Court, we would not have to worry that our worthiness as a candidate would be questioned due to our pant size.
Yeah, I hear you. No matter what shape you are as a woman, somebody's got a problem with it. But having been fat and and having been skinny - yes, you get a lot of skinny-hate... but if you gained 100 lbs I promise you it would be much worse. :(
I agree that insulting people based on whatever weight or body shape they happen to be is completely wrong, and I think the whole 'real women have curves' thing is insecure bullshit. That being said, while you may get told on a daily basis that your eating habits are suspect, fat women get told that AS WELL AS being told that they are lazy, stupid, asexual, and worthless to society. You can accuse me of starting the oppression olympics all you want but the fact remains that you should examine your privilege.
Oppression Olympics, GO!
Nowhere do I see anyone denying that fat people are discriminated against, or that fat people are discriminated against more.
I am thin and trust me when I say I fucking UNDERSTAND that I have privilege. That doesn't mean that it's okay for people to assume I have an ED. In high school I had a friend who thought I must have a problem because I worked out, even though I was already thin (it's not like exercise is healthy or anything.). I had another friend who harassed me so much that I would lie and tell her I'd had a big breakfast to explain why I wasn't eating much for lunch. In reality, I just wasn't hungry.
And yes, I know that I have it much, much better than fat people. I won't get discriminated against nearly as much as they will. I don't get hit with all the fat stereotypes, and I'm grateful for that.
I've heard a lot of people complain about getting shit for being skinny, and I can believe that some of them have done it in a way that minimizes what fat people go through, and I'd understand if you got angry at one of them. Hell, I'd probably be right there with you.
Here, it's out of place. Telling her to check her privilege is the same as telling her that her experiences aren't valid, and that she's just whining, and I don't think that's appropriate or warranted.
except that they way in which this is posted is whiny. there was a great post about thin privilege a few months ago on shapely prose and i think it might be a good read. yes, it is wrong for ANY human being to be shamed for the natural way their body is. it's wrong when it's thin shaming fat, it's wrong when it's fat shaming thin, or black shaming white or white shaming black ro any other permutation you want. but the fact reamins that the privilage of being thin is a privilage and while it doesn't negate experiences or cruelties, complaining about it is in the same vein of white folks bitching about afirmative action.
edit to add....
it is the way n which the subject is approached that makes it whiney privileged person complaining. if the op had said something like: these are my experiences and it has given me insight into what other women of size go through, and has made me more aware of the objectifiation of women's bodies and how unrealistic our standards are...
or something like that, i would feel differently. probably.
I wrote a long comment, but it got eaten so I'll do my best to reproduce it.
I don't think the affirmative action comparison is at all valid. A privileged white person who complains about affirmative action doesn't understand that the inequality that benefited them hurt others at the same time. I really doubt the OP gets bodysnarked because society is accepting of fat people.
At most, you can accuse the OP of a lack of analysis, and that's not a terrible crime. Sometimes, rants are appropriate, and this is clearly a rant. She might not be doing all the same thinking you are, but she's sharing her experience and calling her privileged and whiny for doing that is invalidating her experience and creating an unsafe space.
The sad thing is that you're making some very good points, and you could really add to the conversation if you could make them without randomly accusing people of privilege.
clearly the OP doesn't get bodysnarked because of societies acceptance of fat. she gets bodysnarked because society, as a whole, has unrealistic and detrimental standards of beauty. it IS wrong that her body is seen as public property. it IS wrong that anyone feels like they have a right to question what she eats, wears, or does with her body. but the fact remains, the very real fact, that being thin is a privilage in this culture. that isn't a random accusation in any way.
yes, i agree with you about this being a rant. but, there is a constructive way to rant, and this doesn't really fall into that catagory. lack of analysis, especially in a space like this, needs to be called out (imo). we call people on it all the time here. whinging about how unfair life is because you belong to a privileged group gets much the same treatment. maybe it's because i'm trying to be aware of my privileges, which has it's painful moments to be sure. and maybe it's because body politics are one of the few aspects of feminism where i feel really able to sink my teeth all the way in, but i find this kind of topic needs to be called out when it stops being productive.
as i said before, there is a way to share your experiences that opens dialogue up. i just don't think this does that in the way the OP may have intended.
"whinging about how unfair life is because you belong to a privileged group"
You'll admit that the stuff she's talking about isn't actually okay, but talking about it is "whinging." Yeah, that makes lots of sense.
Also, I have to say, the reaction to this exemplifies everything that gives the FA movement a bad name.
The OP talked about her personal experiences, but got jumped on because she didn't explicitly state that fat people have it worse. I'm sensing some resentment -- "You're thin, how dare you complain when people act like they own your body?" -- and that's not helping your cause.
my issue is very specifically in the WAY in which the post is written, as i've said repeatedly. in no way am i saying, "shut up skinny chick" or demanding an acknowledgment of who has it worse. again, where this post stops is at "fuck you, i'm skinny and i have it hard." and stopping there instead of taking some time for analysis is my issue. there's an amazing moment where thin women, who are subjected to some of the same unrealistic expectations as fat women, connect. this doesn't promote that. and if that makes me a mean, jealous fattie with a grudge in your eyes so be it. i mean really, can we come up with something better to insult me with? regardless of your opinions, i reserve the right to speak my mind.
This x100
I'm often told I'm thin or skinny, so I understand this. It's hurtful to know that some people would say you're 'not a real woman' because you're thin. A lot of slim women would love to have bigger boobs and more curves, and it's not fair to make them feel bad. But people who take the attitude that 'real' women have curves tend to be larger women who feel bad about their weight and want to make the point that they are just as hot as thin girls (which, of course, they are). They live in a world where they're made to feel bad about their weight. So they feel angry at being belittled and fight back with these kinds of phrases.
Thin people are very lucky to have their body shape held up as the ideal, but women of all shapes and sizes feel bad about the way they look. Being thin is held up as the holy grail of physiques, but it's really not amazing to be thin. I, for example, am thin, but I tend to think of my body as too angular and broad, and I'd willingly exchange the boniness of my hips and shoulders for some cleavage.
The point is, no one should be judged on the way they look.
I actually did do alot of thinking about the way I was comeing across when I wrote this. I delebrately stayed away from fat-shameing, because it makes me sick. I also, used strong and yes -angry- wods on purpose so I don't invalidate my own experiance and sound apologetic, because I am not sorry.
This taken into account. You may think I am speaking from a privladged experiance. I gotta tell you, not from my side of the fence, ymmv.
My point was that not matter how your body is shaped it's about how you identify. And Damn I'm a real woman.
I'm not bitching about things like "Oh g-d poor pitiful me, It's so hard to be beautiful."
Actually, I tried really hard to stay away from that recognizeing that people may view me as comeing from a privladged position.
Yes there's a lot of venom in this post. Because it pisses me off. Verbal abuse and body shameing is never right, no matter how you look.