Wow, I've never had anything like that happen to me. I do think there was more concentration on what girls wore than what boys wore. Seeing boys' underwear because they thought they were cool wearing loose pants without a belt distracted me sometimes and not in a "good" way.

When I was twelve, in seventh grade, I came to school on Halloween in a gorgeous Renaissance dress my mom had made for me. (We were allowed to wear costumes to school on Haloween.) However, one of my teachers pulled me aside and told me the neckline was "too low" and made me put an ugly t-shirt on underneath. It wasn't even that low--you couldn't see anything unless I bent over--and I was absolutely mortified. I was so proud of that dress, just thinking I looked so pretty in it, and this teacher had to shame me and turn it into something sexual.

I remember when I was about 12 and my mom started making me wear training bras. I had just stopped running around in the summer (in the privacy of our backyard) without a shirt, and was perplexed as to why I needed an extra piece of underwear all of a sudden. Then, once I got into Junior High I saw all the other girls in the locker room with fancy, lacy bras while I was still in my white trainer, and I tried to coax my mom to get me a pretty bra, but she thought I was trying to get attention from boys when all I really wanted was to fit in, so no frills and lace for me.

When I started high school, I started hating bras and refused to wear them, mostly because they hurt my back. Since then I've been called out by two separate bosses at a grocery store and at a retail store, telling me I needed to wear a bra or cover up with an apron. They said customers were complaining that they could see the outline of my nipples. Of course that only pissed me off and reinforced my self-righteousness over my bralessness. Why should I have to shield the world from my nipples and deal with a backache all day at work? After all, people aren't grossed out by men's nipples. When I told my mom she said I should tell them I AM wearing one, and if they tried to get me to prove it, I'd have grounds for a sexual harassment complaint.

At the end of all of this, I'm still going around without a bra (I'm a B cup, so there's not much need for support really) or with a light camisole underneath or a wireless bra in some situations.

"f course, we all deal with criticism from friends and peers growing up when it comes to our bodies, our dress style, and how we groom. Some of those moments really stuck with me for a very long time - my aunt suggesting that we go to a beauty parlor to wax the hair on my neck off at age fourteen"

This part reminded me of something that happened just last night - I was snuggling with my mom while watching a movie and had a tank top on. She was kinda holding me around the shoulders and momentarily brushed my armpit and felt a little bit of hair. She then slapped me lightly on the arm and said "shame on you! You need to shave under your arms!" And then said nothing more about it. I feel silly, but this really hurt my feelings - here I am just hanging out with you at home, wearing comfy clothes and not worrying about how frequently I use a razor and you scold me for couple millimeters of blonde hair on my armpits?! Really?

I vaguely remember that when I was about 12 or 13 my mom told me I should start wearing a bra, and bought me one. I didn't like it mainly because I didn't want to even think about the fact that I was hitting puberty.

However, as my breasts have gotten larger, I find that I do prefer wearing a bra most of the time. I don't wear one if I'm just lying around the house, but the support really does help if I'm doing anything active, even something as simple as going up the stairs two at a time. And I'm only a B cup (I remember when I was an A cup I didn't really need a bra in the same way).

I totally support the right of women not to wear bras if they don't want to, but I've always wondered if the bra burning from the 70s didn't last because lots of women actually are more physically comfortable in a bra.

I started wearing a bra probably around 12 or 13, I don't specifically remember. I was a pretty flat chested girl through junior high and most of high school. I asked my mom to buy me a bra, which she seemed totally confused by, because I was embarrassed to be one of the few girls in the locker room who did not wear a bra.

I do prefer wearing a bra now, unless I am going to bed. I now wear a C cup. When I get my period my breasts swell up quite a bit and it's actually quite painful not to wear a bra. I'd imagine girls with larger breast than I would find it painful not to wear a bra, but this doesn't seem to be the case for some of my friends, so I may be especially sensitive or something. I don't know.

When I was about 11 or 12 I remember a girl made fun of my for my hairy armpits when I went to summer camp and I was mortified. When I went home I immediately shaved. It sucks how we're made to feel ashamed of ourselves at such a young age. I also received comments about hairy arms growing up too, being a dark haired girl with olive skin, and now shave my arms. I think these comments have continued to make me all to aware of any unsightly hair on my body and has negatively impacted my body image.

I had C cups at age 12, and bras were actually a godsend for me at the time and still are now as D cup, they've never really been uncomfortable even with the underwire. I guess I'm lucky in the sense that I can conform to the standards without being uncomfortable, I know in my mother's case before her breast reduction surgery she had deep grooves in her shoulders that were permanent from the straps digging in :/.

My problem with the school was something else, it was in the middle of summer and I came into school in a tank top like what all the other girls were wearing, it wasn't low cut and it wasn't spaghetti strap or any of that kind of thing that dress codes just love to target. It took all of 3 seconds to walk through the doors and towards my classroom before I was nabbed and dragged into the principle's office where she proceeded to tell me that I couldn't wear a tank top like everyone else because it wasn't appropriate and would be a distraction for the boys. Oh how I love the excuse that it would distract the boys, as if when you're in school learning social interaction you shouldn't be conditioned to ignore shit you'll have to learn to ignore on a regular basis (lest you end up like the creepy guy on the elevator at college who stared intently at my breasts as if they could stare back...) So she made me wear a big baggy t shirt they had on hand over top of my shirt, and the extra cloth and layers had me overheating all day. Lovely that the hypothetical attention of boys to class work was far more important than very real comfort of a girl.

Even when the school might have a valid point about someone's clothing being inappropriate or not conforming to the dress code, I wish they wouldn't phrase it as "it'll distract the boys."

"Let alone the fact that it was fairly obvious no boy was actually attracted by someone dressed like me, breasts wobbling to and fro under a t-shirt."

(Hope this is not derailing)

It's not the clothes. At least, I used to dress that way for ten years or more, 95% of the time. The other 5% was a 'nice' shirt and the always present jeans.

During years 'boys' mostly ignored me. During the next years, 'boys' did go after me a lot. So I must assume it was not the clothing...

I find that the dress codes almost always focus WAY more on how females should dress.

When I was 16 I was stopped by the vice Principal ( a female) and asked if I had a sweater to put over my sleeveless shirt ( the straps were thicker than my four fingers together). It was Georgia in May so of course not! Oddly enough, she stopped me but not the girls walking by with their butts hanging out of their skirts and shorts. I'm not busty and even if I were, big deal.

I'm ever so glad that our society has deemed women responsible for male behavior. Since when did it become my job to keep them in line? I shouldn't go out alone at night because THEY can't control themselves. Thanks America. Good going. ( sorry, this subject really gets me going)

I was a frequent crusader against dress codes. I'm 5'11" and busty. Even though I wasn't my full size until College, I was usually considerably taller and had bigger boobs than my peers. Any cute blouse or shirt always showed a little cleavage, and only boy's shorts were long enough to satisfy the 4 inches above the knee rule. Considering that it gets to be over 100 degrees in Arkansas during the first and last months of the school year, I spent a lot of time wearing T-shirts and boy's shorts. The lack of variety really frustrated me. The problem with dress codes is that they don't measure how much skin is covered, they measured how much is showing. Those of us who have more skin in general can get really screwed.

I guess I wanted to add something about dress codes as I went to a school where they really weren't enforced, for girls, and the problems that were created. Also, I want to give an example of how my brother was pulled out of school for what he was wearing, which seemed more common when I was growing up.

I went to a public high school that was in the "nice" part of town in the desert. Ninety percent of the year it's sunny. From August to September and from April to May it's over ninety degrees, dry, and sunny. Everyone wears shorts, flip flops, and tank tops. Wearing less and showing more skin is a social norm. I remember one year they tried to make a rule where if you wore a tank top (boys and girls) the straps had to be a certain width but they couldn't enforce the rule because it's just too hot and you're outnumbered with girls wearing tiny straps. Girls wore hot shorts, low cut tanks, showed their mid-drift, and tiny skirts all the time. Rarely was a dress code enforced unless you were wearing something that showed as much mid-drift as a bikini. I showed my mid-drift too. To be honest, I wish we had enforced a uniform (that had more modest tank tops and shorts, with flip flops still allowed) because I personally think girls were showing an absurd amount of skin. The more skin you showed, the more popular you got with the boys.

Not having a dress code can be a double edged sword. Some, not all, male staff would openly look up and down 16 and 17 year old girls. The city I live in is considered to be one the "thinnest" world wide. When you're allowed to show a ton of skin you're also hyper aware of any imperfections on your body. People become obsessed with working out, fake tanning (I live in the desert...fake tanning makes no sense yet is completely more common among young people here than when I go and visit my family every year on the east coast where it would be logical to fake tan), etc. from a young age. Not to say this doesn't happen in other parts of the country, but I remember having a class discussion about this once. Students from other parts of the country were generally surprised to see how much skin girl were showing and how pre-occupied they seemed to be with PERFECTING their body. This isn't a positive environment for girls either. I don't think boys had this problem as much as they weren't wearing short shorts and showing their stomachs at school.

Now, to get to how boys are sometimes targeted. One rule that was enforced was if you wore a baseball cap it had to face forward or you'd be sent you. Furthermore, now pants that sag. This pretty much targets boys. My brother used to dress more or less like Hyde from "That 70s Show". He had longish hair, wore aviators, had vintage classic rock shirts, and wore tight pants. He was pulled out of class numerous times and was accused of being stoned and was drug tested (which consistent of asking him to follow a light with his eyes and write out the alphabet on paper backwards) at school because he had long hair and wore Led Zeppelin shirts.

So, pretty much, girls were ignored and boys were targeted if they didn't present a "clean-cut" image by the standards of the school.

My high school had similar double standards in its dress code. One, I noticed that kids who generally got in trouble for unrelated things were more often targeted, including some of my friends.

Another component of the dress code was that clothes with alcohol logos supposedly weren't allowed. Offenders had the option of changing clothes, turning their shirt inside out, or putting masking tape over the logo. But there was one boy in the grade above me who seemed to wear a different alcohol-related shirt almost every day! He was never punished for it. But one girl in his class wore a shirt from a concert sponsored by Coors, and she had to put tape over her shirt. It was so blatantly sexist that girls always got in trouble for crap that boys didn't.

i had a few brushes with the administration in high school over dress code. i agree with Ashtree that there should be some sort of dress code, just so things don't get crazy - but honestly, in our society, i don't think a girl in a skirt that falls slightly above her knees (something i got in trouble for often) is really that distracting anymore. the thing that bothered me, that seemed incredibly sexist, was that i could be walking down the hallway in my slightly-too-short skirt and get taken to the office, but then a whole group of, let's just say, more attractive, girls could walk by in outfits ten times more revealing and nothing was said - because, it seemed to me, the male vice-principals didn't mind if the hot girls had everything hanging out.

Alesbianandascholar:
Wow, I could really write a novel on this topic. I haven't endured as much scrutiny as you, but I've had my share of obnoxious teachers.

Chronoperates:
"Lovely that the hypothetical attention of boys to class work was far more important than very real comfort of a girl."
-Yes, not only is it annoying for a girl to wear a baggy T-shirt or other uncomfortable garment meant to shame girls (and sometimes boys), but girls are distracted from their school work as well if they have to take time out of a class or lunch to go to "the office", or as was the case with my HS home room teacher's demands, to a student's car to get a different shirt. (I, being in my "rebellious" phase, which later turned out to just be my "intelligent phase", decided that a trip to my car was unnecessary. Later the same day, I got a compliment on the same shirt from a non-creeper male teacher). It's not only a distraction for female students; parents can be drug into the ridiculousness, too. Once in middle school (aka jr. high) I was wearing what I still believe was a cute and modest purple and green sporty dress, when I was called into the office and told that I had to call my mom to come bring me a new outfit. She had to 1)Pull herself from whatever she was doing (job, errands, w/e DOESN'T MATTER) and 2)Buy me a new outfit. Not TRY and tell me that that is not more distracting on the girl's part. DISGUSTING.

And yeah, boys had their dress codes, but it was more to address the "gangster" look that was "in" in our middle school than to hide their "sexiness".

Everyone should wear pants!!

At age 11, I already had size C cups and was on the curvy side. I was never very pretty, but my body was the same as a twenty year olds (aka I am still the same size/shape I was when I was 11). I, however, refused to wear baggy t-shirts and boy clothes because I liked tank tops and more feminine looking clothing. However, I got into trouble routinely for everything I wore. My teachers called my mom, and she actually *stole* some of the clothes from my closet because she didn't want me to wear anything. Even clothes that showed no cleavage, but were shiny/had words/rinestones on them, got me into trouble. Yeah, I cried in one of my teacher's offices when she scolded me after class.

I graduated from a small Midwestern school in 2000. The years leading up to my graduation were marked with a wave of body regulations- specifically, dress codes for young women and body hair for young men. The dress codes consisted of a few rules 1) all shorts and skirts must reach past your fingertips while standing up, 2) no bra-straps could be shown, 3) all tank top straps must be three finger’s width wide, and 4) no showing any part of the stomach. If we broke one of these rules, we had to go the principal’s office and pick up a tent sized, orange and barely washed t-shirt that said “I’m Mrs. Weeks Best Friend.” (Mrs. Weeks was our vice-principal). Of course, the shirt was not a deterrent from dressing ‘sexy’ –some young women would dress ‘inappropriately’ and go to the office to pick up the shirt on their own. Instead of bringing shame, the shirt became a status symbol.
But not everyone picked up the shirt on their own, and not everyone was sent to the office to get it. In my experience, only young women with larger breasts were sent by faculty to retrieve the shirt. I was told ‘boys don’t think the same thing when they look at you as when the look at (classmate).’ True I was more busty than said class mate (who incidentally wore the same shirt as me that day) - but was I really distracting anyone? Only the faculty- who thought my cleavage was inappropriate and a good source of gossip. (Oh, how I dreamed about having cleavage someday, only to be forced to cover it up!)
At the time, I knew what was happening was unfair and I tried to complain, but got nowhere because I was ignorant of what was really happening. I thought the school was discriminating against young women with larger breast, it wasn’t. The school was discriminating against all women by telling us that we must control and cover our bodies, to protect young men.
When we are young, we must cover ourselves because our classmates can’t concentrate. When we are adults, we must cover ourselves because men can’t control themselves. When I was young, I had to hide myself to protect young men. And now, I’m expected to hide my body to protect myself from the young men I once protected.

I enjoyed your story about dress-codes alesbianandascholar. Thanks for sharing.

I don't remember any administrative complaints about my clothing, but I do remember a lot of my friends and relatives commenting on various "unsightly" things that I did or didn't do.

The thing I remember most vividly was at my sixth grade "end of the year party." One of my best friends, a boy, made fun of my underarm hair. I remember being really angry and hurt (and throwing him in the pool). I was really taken aback, because at that point in my life I was "one of the guys." I wore the same clothes as they did, except for the bathing suit I had on that day, and I did all of the same stuff they did and I did it just as well and none of them resented me for it, as far as I know. That was the first time my friend said anything that acknowledged that I wasn't a boy (he did not say anything to any of my other guy friends).

... I still shave under my arms every morning (though this is also to avoid itchiness as I have really, really sensitive skin).

Hi,
I completely understand where you are coming from, and your frustration in dealing with this. However, I do have one question: why did you feel the need to point out:

"My seventh grade science teacher (rail thin, probably an A cup if that)" ?

I don't feel that this information was relevant, and is even a little derogatory, when discussing how peoples comments can have such an impact on another. It just feels like you are pointing out things about her body in retaliation to her comment on yours (or the clothing that you were wearing).

This is certainly not an attack. I am genuinely curious as to why you felt this comment should go in your post. Cheers!