This is a letter that my husband just sent out his family. I couldn't be prouder of him, so I wanted to share.
Dear Family,
So before any of y'all get alarmed, I wanted to share some news with you, none of which is bad, so please don't be worried.
My official name beginning today is B.Z. That may seem a bit strange (certainly doesn't sound normal to me), but I actually made this decision more than a year ago, when Z and I were thinking about starting a family (commencing with our wedding). Neither of us wanted to have a name that was different from our children, and I wasn't very excited about either of us hyphenating. Z is extremely proud of her heritage. Her family gave up a king's ransom to come to this country, risking their lives, so that they could make a better life for themselves. Z went on to get her PhD and never dreamed of being anything other than "Dr. Z." If I was in her shoes, I would feel the same way.
Why is it this is never a concern for men? What makes men so special that they get to keep their names and women must always change them? "That's just the way it's been" has never and will never be a satisfactory answer for me. In fact, it's an answer that's usually indicative of a model that works for no other reason.
So with that in mind, I decided to change my name, but waited until all my law school acceptance stuff was out of the way (didn't want confusion over records to hold up my acceptance anywhere). Today, as far as the DMV, the SSA and my bank are concerned, I'm no longer B but B.Z. I wanted to tell all of you first because I didn't want you to notice it later and think I didn't think this was a big deal. It is a pretty big deal. Well, at least I thought it was, until I realized that millions of women have been doing it for generations. I guess it's not such a big deal after all.
And by the way: Z graciously offered to change her name several times. This was my decision, after which she made me reconsider several times.
If any of you are confused, dismayed, or even hurt, then I would love to talk with you one on one. But understand that with this change comes hope: babies ... when? Well, who knows...
Love,
-B.Z.
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placate them with babies and they will never complain. excellent dirty trick. your husband is a gem.
"them" in your comment is meant to mean men? classy.
Context dude. Them is meant to be the husband's family. Good grief.
forgive me for over-reacting to the unintended sexist content of a joke. context, naturally.
I honestly think progressive people should have MORE children. The biggest change we will see in this world is when progressive people outnumber ignorant people. So far... I do believe ignorant people are ahead. Time to make some social conscious babies.
this is easily the most arrogant thing i've ever read.
really? you must not read a lot.
cool. way to take the low road. but when i hear someone basically describing themselves as genetically more fit to be humans/parents than "ignorant people" i interpret that as being really arrogant. maybe that's just me.
It's just you.
this is easily the most arrogant thing i've ever read.
I don't think "being progressive" is an inheritable trait.
Jesus Christ...I'm not an idiot. Raising progressive children requires progressive parenting.
oh for fuck's sake. i'm obviously talking about in-laws.
sorry. i'm probably the only one on this site to ever misinterpret or overreact to anything. ever.
Pure gold! :D
+100
That's nice that you and your husband have a good solution to this that works for both of you. it's also cool that he is reaching out to his family-they should accept the decision, being that it's personal between the two of you, but it's always good to keep family relations cordial and be gracious about this stuff. Here's hoping for a happy marriage for you two.
I have a similar story. I love my last name. I am a Bosnian-Muslim-Serb and my last name is actually jewish. Because in my culture you can tell what religion a family is by their last name, our last name was a very good disguise for us because during the war people couldn't tell just by looking at our last name. So...
My fiance and I are combining our two last names into one last name. Anyway this change will happen soon after we get married. Let's just say his dad was not very pleased. But I was really proud of him because when his dad said
"Most people are going to think this is weird. Ask other people what they think about you changing your last name."
My fiance replied with,
"I know what they're going to think and say but I gotta fight the patriarchy man"
His dad didn't think it was funny.
You are a lucky woman to have such an awesome husband. That's really cool that he took your last name. :)
Kudos to your husband. Very awesome.
My partner, when we've talked about marriage, has contemplated aloud taking my last name. (He has a tenuous relationship with his parents, at best.)
I'm not sure I'm any more comfortable with that than I would be changing my own name. But I'm so glad he's aware of the cultural crap surrounding this tradition. (And perfectly at ease with doing things outside the "norm.")
I never thought I would take my husbands name, but if we ever do get around to being married, I want my boyfriends last name, It's more awesome than mine.
Good for you. : ]