A close friend and I recently a had an argument, because I said I find the word slut offensive. She said she's reclaimed it, citing examples like "dyke" and "queer." To me, those words are implicit in identity politics, and while they can and have been used offensively, they can be used other than to imply judgment of activity. Even using the word slut in a sex positive way, as my friend argues, implies an either/or dichotomy that deeply offends me. Her definition is, "It's about a person who chooses to have multiple partners and exist in non-monogamous relationships." This seems to ignore all other types of sexuality, and reinforce the concepts of promiscuity vs. purity. It forces women into categories, in the same way that virginity pledges and abstinence only education qualify a woman based on her sexual activity. I'm generally unoffendable, and this is literally the only word I find offensive regardless of context. I wanted to hear how other people feel about it.
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I've seen that many of the same people who flinch when a LGBT community member uses the word "queer" are the same people who will use the word "slut" without hesitation.
It's just not a word I can use anymore. For me, it implies a negative judgment on the speaker's part. "Slut" is a difficult box to be put in and an even more difficult one to reshape.
I would think it hard to reclaim a word that is still in heavy rotation by those who recognize the word's sting and therefore use this as a means to sell crap.
The n*word was another failed example (in my opinion) of people's attempt at reclamation of a word only to have it fail because others were bent on using the word as a means to capitalize (sell shit) off the imagery that the word evokes.
In my head, it's one or the other, i.e., reclaim the word or use it for edgy shock value, milking it to death 1000 times over as long as you can make a dollar. But I don't see where we can do both.
Maybe in the future though.
I don't believe that words can truly be 'reclaimed'. First of, the 'reclaimed' words never originally belong to those they are directed at.
Slut, in its current usage, was never free from baggage. its not like in the olden days women greeted on another with a hearty "Slut! How is it going?" There is no 're' in reclaiming any word.
Claiming a word that was used against you never really works either, because that just keeps the word alive longer which lets others use it against you.
I think it be reclaimed.
I will call myself a slut, but I don't attach any negative connotations to it.
How often "slut" gets used as an insult varies hugely depending on the kind of people you're spending time with. I live in a big liberal city and I go to a big liberal college, and so slut is just a description.
I think for a lot people there are negative connotations for slut and I don't think that will go away anytime soon.
In a lot of people's mind there is still a connection between 'slutty' behavior and fidelity. Generally a slut is viewed as someone you can have fun with but could not expect to be faithful.
In a lot of ways 'slut' is like 'player'. Being a player is viewed a lot less pejoratively than being a slut, but if someone said that the person you were interested in was a player you would probably have the same conclusion... someone you could have fun with but could not expect to be faithful.
There is the dangerous and oft repeated refrain "act like a slut, get treated like a slut" that I think has to be addressed vis-a-vis reclaiming the word slut.
I can understand the wish to reclaim it, but I still think it's pointless, at least now, to do so because there are still people using it to joke around and be serious and angry for women sleeping around.
I always like to ask people "So, what makes a girl a whore?" and I like to ask mainly guys around my age. It's interesting to see the responses. I don't think I could agree and go around reclaiming the word because of the way I hear it going around so negatively all the time.
Hmm. There are rare times I want to use this word. I only use it or think it around people I'm close to when I'm actually referring to someone who has a lot of sex. It's also usually referred to men when I say it because it when used to describe men, it's so much easier to see it as a word that simply means someone who has sex with a lot of people, no judgement attached. I'd avoid the word around people who wouldn't know for sure that I'm saying it without judgment.
I've used it(for myself) tongue in cheek to describe the non-monogamous thing. The absurdity of it somewhat amuses me because what really makes a "slut" anyway? Do you have to hit a certain number of partners. I think it may have to do with a person's willingness to sleep with someone other than the person who's calling them it.
I've heard a few men(both straight and bi) refer to themselves as "sluts", "going through a slut phase" etc. as well.
The fact that it can be applied with really no standard also bothers me. Without a definition of what makes one a slut, it remains a term that someone can use as attack without any justifiable response. It becomes impossible to argue with the label once someone throws it out, because how do you defend yourself against such a critique? The term itself doesn't have parameters, which is part of what is, to me, the danger of using it as a "Reclaimed" identifier. If the slur doesn't have boundaries, how can one use it positively with any sense of linguistic clarity?
The linguistic clarity is found in a more dictionary definition... a women that engages in promiscuous sex.
In contemporary terms I think most people would place promiscuous sex as sex that occurs outside a romantic monogamous relationship.
That seems to be pretty clear.
Maybe we should be checking the urban dictionary, lol. Cause in reality the word is thrown around in a lot more situations than your definition acknowleges.
Look at the adjective, slutty. We often talk of clothes being "slutty". Well according to your strict dictionary definition, that adjective makes little sense. And here is where the language deviates for genders. We often say that a woman "looks slutty" but it's more rare to say that a man "looks slutty" (speaking in a hetero sense).
There are many areas where the term is murky and subjective, i.e., slutty clothes, acting like a slut, without necessarily having anything to do with the woman's actual behavior. For women the word is as much about perception as it is about reality.
I really don't see why grasping the limits of the term are difficult.
In regards to slutty I just think of the BBC Earth and every animal in there doing a mating display.
Clothes can, intentionally or otherwise, send a lot of messages about the person wearing them. If I go into work starched with creases pressed and out I am sending one set of messages, if I went in to work like I was going into a bar I would be sending a different set of messages.
Same as if I went into a bar looking like I went into work.
They even have books and articles out there (some kinda full of shit) that tell you what color tie you should wear to send what message, what pattern one should display.
Works the same with 'slutty' clothes. To what extent are the clothes a mating display, or could be interpreted as a mating display?
And I know with conventional beauty standards its harder for some than others to control that perception, and often a woman's social enemy with throw around the rumor that she is a slut just to attack her.
I'm going to pretend that your question about "slutty" clothing as mating display was rhetorical.
In case you are unfamiliar with feminism, let me provide you with a brief lesson. My dressing a certain way is the result of a variety of factors ranging from my culture, to my mood, to my comfort with my body, and an array of other things.
But you should not, for one moment, assume that my dressing "slutty" is in any way, part of some "mating" ritual. And here's why...Claiming that men have some right to women's bodies, that a woman dressing a certain way is CLEARLY asking for it, using a woman's dress to blame her for her rape or sexual assault are all far too common in this culture. And, while I may very well wear a particular garment to attract a sexual partner, I may very well also just be wearing that same garment, "slutty" or not, simply because it feels good (in the most physical sense, in the sense that it feels good to move through the world in it).
I would say that you should NEVER assume that my dress has anything at all to do with you, as difficult as it may be for you to imagine I don't want to jump your bones, or have you assault me. I am NOT asking for it, even in a short skirt.
Are you angry at me, or the word slutty?
Is there any way I could describe what society calls slutty without you jumping my shit? There are a lot of hateful words out there, should I be lectured because I know what they mean and how they have been used?
Tell me then, how do you think members of society decide to say something looks slutty?
Some here think the word is almost meaningless, I thought the word has boundaries...
And as the record shows, I linked the word slutty to sexual displays.
Nothing in there is a request for remediation.
If you have another interpretation or definition of slutty, I am all ears.
"In contemporary terms I think most people would place promiscuous sex as sex that occurs outside a romantic monogamous relationship."
So then a single one-night-stand will make you a slut for the rest of your life? Or being polyamorous, even if you are loyal to and romantic with a finite set of partners, also makes you a slut?
Oh come on. You can be an asshole in your youth and age out of it.
Just like one could start off as a good person and turn the the dark side.
Just like one could be monogamous and then polymorous.
Whats that one part of languages? Tenses?
I was a slut.
I am a slut.
I will be a slut.
I only use slut with friends who know that I don't think sleeping with more than one person or having a lot of sex is a bad thing and I use it for both my male and female friends. In my experience the only people that use it offensively are uptight and (in my own age group)maybe a little jealous.
I think real issue for me is that there are groups that think "a women that engages in promiscuous sex" is a dangerous or bad thing instead of recognizing that everyone has a right to make those decisions for themselves. I think the word can only be "reclaimed" when those views change.
I don't use the word "slut," because I don't think it's right to label someone based on the number of sex partners they (supposedly) have or had. That should be their private information. But I've seen the word "slut" used in feminist spheres, like "slut-shaming" or "sluts for choice," and I think the point of using the word "slut" here is to alert people to the fact that this word is used to describe any woman who enjoys safer sex by right-wing anti-woman groups.
But if you're using the term to alert people about it's judgmental use, than it's reactionary, not sex positive.
I'm reluctant to go with the "That should be their private information" argument, since that seems to imply that having more than one sexual partner is legitimately shameful.
I'm sure a lot of people would prefer it if the "queer" community would just keep their sexual lives and preferences to themselves (ie: "it's OK so long as they *pretend* to be normal like me!") Part of the point of "reclaiming" words like queer is to say "No, this isn't shameful. I could just hide this, but I'm not ashamed of it so I'm not going to."
I guess I don't necessarily think that the word "slut" is the best choice in this case, and I don't think you are saying "it's OK so long as they *pretend* to be normal like me!" at all. But at the same time I think that that line of reasoning lends itself to this one (ie: "it should be private" can easily become "So long as they keep quiet about it." especially in the wrong hands.)
Sorry if that wasn't clear - it's late so I may not be thinking straight.
Not really. Since I said that I don't think anyone should be labeled by how many sexual partners they had, that goes for people who have had sex with no people to those who have had sex with any number of people.
"I'm taking it back."
Steven said: "here is still a connection between 'slutty' behavior and fidelity."
I think that this is dead-on, and sometimes this can exist even in the absence of "promiscuous sex," as in the example of men labeling women who refuse to sleep with them as "sluts" regardless of whether they are sleeping with anyone else or not.
I see slut being used primarily to mean "a woman who was not loyal to me/ did not give in to my wishes, did not perform her 'duty' to me properly" which could be in the form of sleeping around or simply refusing to have sex at all (ie: "That slut turned me down!")
I don't think I've ever heard the word used in a truly neutral context before.
So for that reason, I don't really see the word being reclaimed any time soon, or even that it's necessarily a word with a legitimate meaning to BE reclaimed. But that's just the people around me in my life, I guess others might use the word differently.
(ie: "That slut turned me down!")
I think there is a difference in using a word by its definition and using a word just for its ability to hurt someone.
And I am not sure you may have been made away of this nuanced distinction that some hold to be self evident, but a slut is someone that will sleep with anybody, and a bitch is someone that will sleep with anybody but you.
Technically.
For me this post needed a trigger warning.
Reclaim it!!!! Trash it, bury it, burn it, blast it into space. If I NEVER hear or read that word again it will still be too late. For me it will ALWAYS be tied to an adult man's voice whispering "You like it don't you... you little slut."
Just out of curiosity, was your friend referring to the book The Ethical Slut? I know people (myself included) who use the word slut in reference to this book and consensual non-monogamy. I have frequently heard this word in this context. I can't actually remember the last time I heard it as a genuine insult.