Hello fellow Community bloggers. After several attempts at creating a new account, I seem to have created one that works. Huzzah!
On to the topic of my post.
I count Jodi Picoult novels among a guilty pleasure of mine. In one such novel, The 10th Circle, a 14 year old girl is raped by her recently ex boyfriend while drunk at a party. She even cites some seemingly true statistics (like, based on the amount of rapes that are reported, then the percent of the suspects that are arrested, then brought to trial, then convicted, then do jail time, roughly 94% of rapists walk free).
The story that unfolds is entirely too realistic . . . the girl is called a slut by her peers, insensitive comments abound, her parents' marriage falls apart, and a friend of the rapist actually encourages her to drop the charges because she 'knew she wanted it.' The prosecutor tells her not to expect much from the trial, and she pretty much collapses into herself.
My question is, how do we teach teenagers (male and female, queer, trans, all of the above) the nuances of valid consent, and how to respond when someone says that someone else raped them? After all, the subject of consent is rarely, if ever, taught during sex education. Prospective partners should want an ENTHUSIASTIC YES before engaging in any type of sexual activity. Shouldn't we all want willing participants in our sexual adventures? I think teenagers especially could benefit from this concept. We should stop shaming them for having consentual intercourse and start making them feel bad for not respecting the bodies and autonomy of their peers. Not that I ever think shaming is appropriate or effective, but making teenagers (and everyone) think twice about rape can never be bad.
Furthermore, the average American seems to believe that it is entirely acceptable to quesiton someone who makes an accusation of rape, even when the evidence is blaring in their favor.
I found a few resources I wanted to share, but so far this is all I got. Any thoughts?
I have more, but feministing limited me to two links.
Thanks for reading, and please participate. I need some ideas.
0 TrackBacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry: A few thoughts on rape prevention/education .
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://www.feministing.com/cgi-bin/movabletype/mt-tb.fcgi/14744
"Prospective partners should want an ENTHUSIASTIC YES before engaging in any type of sexual activity."
Yes, they SHOULD want that.
But, there is a lot of peer pressure on young men to "get some" and it really doesn't matter if she was willing or not, the only thing that matters is the guy "scoring", one way or the other.
That's the start point you're working from here - and the question is, how do you get young men (the demographic that commits most rapes) to be willing to accept a NO from a woman, or, to not coerce, arm twist or guilt trip a NO into a reluctant "maybe" (which the guy hears as a "yes")
Also, a lot of guys think that if they spend X amount of money on a woman, they deserve Y amount of sex as of right, and the woman forfeits the right to say NO after a certain dollar amount has been passed.
Remember, for guys, the peer pressure is NOT going to be "you're a bad guy because you bullied that woman into having sex with you" it will be "you're a wuss for spending $ 200 on that woman and not getting any!"
I think consent needs to be taught starting at a really young age, such as 5 year olds being taught that if Jimmy or Jane does not want you poking them, you have to respect them and leave them alone. Kids and teens need to be taught about respecting others' decisions, whether in regards to participating in sexual activity or anything else. Unfortunately, there is so much peer and societal pressure for young men to "get laid" and for young women to often act as "people pleasers" that consent and all that good, important stuff does not get discussed often.
As far as what to say when someone is raped, "I believe you" and "I support you" are good starting points, as is asking what, if anything the victim/survivor needs and/or wants right now. Obviously responses may vary from situation to situation, but with so much emphasis on false reports in the media (though they are really low, given how under reported sexual assault is as a crime), those are okay ways to respond. Of course, sometimes it is appropriate to just be silent...
I recently attended a webinar on false reports that was really eye opening. Post coming soon...
I think consent needs to be taught starting at a really young age, such as 5 year olds being taught that if Jimmy or Jane does not want you poking them, you have to respect them and leave them alone. Kids and teens need to be taught about respecting others' decisions, whether in regards to participating in sexual activity or anything else. Unfortunately, as you stated, there is so much peer and societal pressure for young men to "get laid" and for young women to often act as "people pleasers" that consent and all that good, important stuff does not get discussed often.
As far as what to say when someone is raped, "I believe you" and "I support you" are good starting points, as is asking what, if anything the victim/survivor needs and/or wants right now. Obviously responses may vary from situation to situation, but with so much emphasis on false reports in the media (though they are really low, given how under reported sexual assault is as a crime), those are okay ways to respond. Of course, sometimes it is appropriate to just be silent...
I recently attended a webinar on false reports that was really eye opening. Post coming soon...
Sorry for the double post folks.
I just wanted to say thank you for this post, and for those links. I was raped and I'm not even close to the Resolution Phase as described in the Scarleteen article, but I do want to help other girls in some way since I know how difficult it is to deal with this pain. I'm going to forward those 2 links to as many people as I can -- some of the statistics and info were eye opening, even for me (and I'm pretty well-informed about all things surrounding rape).
Thanks again... It'd be great if the articles were more easily accessible to first-time viewers of the site (maybe a link on the main page or something). Just a suggestion. I look forward to reading more posts on Feministing :)
my school was one that taught about consent in sex education, albeit only one lesson in the final year. and it probably was a complete waste of time, even though the teacher did actually do a pretty good job of trying to teach it.
problem was that immediately consent was mentioned, all the men (and some women) got really defensive and claimed it was unfair for a woman to say no if the man thought she was "up for it" and all that usual rubbish. point was that i don't think any amount of sex ed, at that age, would have changed those attitudes. Especially as so few of us were prepared to challenge them.
to teach teens the nuances of valid consent, i think is only possible if its started long before they become teenagers.
another thing i think is lacking, is that the consequences of rape are often ignored in sex education, particularly the psychological and emotional consequences. If this was taught, then maybe young men and womens attitudes might move beyond the notion that it is only 'proper rape' if violence is involved.
Agree with this - I think we have to get to children long before teen culture and its accompanying pressures and BS set in. It doesn't have to be overtly sexual if we're dealing with 5 year olds, but as someone pointed out above, getting across the notion that no means no and must be respected is a good first step. Teaching kids to respect the autonomy of anyone, male or female, will provide strong grounding against the ugly notion that a female 'no' somehow means something other than STOP RIGHT NOW.
I think the emphasis needs to be on educating guys, hence the Scarleteen site is wonderful. As is www.mencanstoprape.org. Anything that reminds us that the onus is not on women to prevent rape, but for men to stop raping and to dismantle the rape culture that stops the crime being taken seriously, is what's required at present. Male involvement is what's been absent far too long from the discussion, which is bizarre and wrong. It's a bit like saying it's up to black people to end racism against them, or up to the gay community to end homophobia against them. Obviously victims or potential victims can take steps to protect and empower themselves, but we must not be afraid of looking clearly at aggressors and potential aggressors and addressing them too.
Hi! I wrote a little bit about this in my post from this past week: http://community.feministing.com/2009/07/sisterhood-of-the-traveling-as.html.
The best resource I have come across is the book "Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape." Hope this helps.
That 94 percent stat is depressing. And that's just for *reported* rapes, clearly. And it explains the unreported ones, just as clearly. I was assaulted about a dozen times, all under date-rape circumstances, and never went to police. Looks like I was right not to waste my time. Is the only way to get justice to scare men to death that if they do this, we will come after them in their sleep or something? Because the system is not working. It's failing women. We're not getting justice. Where are we going to get it?
Great post! I think that the future of rape prevention will be the "enthusiastic YES" model, as well as a sex-positive approach. I am really disappointed that the domestic violence & sexual assault agency I work for has recently decided to foot the bill for a "rape prevention campaign" that I find pretty shameful & offensive. This campaign has been launched, despite the agency's claimed inability to pay for basic supplies for actual sexual assault survivors.
Link to info about the "rape prevention campaign" going on in my neighborhood:
http://www.capradio.org/articles/articledetail.aspx?articleid=7458
Great post! I think that the future of rape prevention will be the "enthusiastic YES" model, as well as a sex-positive approach. I am really disappointed that the domestic violence & sexual assault agency I work for has recently decided to foot the bill for a "rape prevention campaign" that I find pretty shameful & offensive. This campaign has been launched, despite the agency's claimed inability to pay for basic supplies for actual sexual assault survivors.
Link to info about the "rape prevention campaign" going on in my neighborhood:
http://www.capradio.org/articles/articledetail.aspx?articleid=7458