I'm really tired of the older generation of men and women bashing young feminists. As one I can assert that I have not lost any of the passion my foremothers and fathers had but now a days it is all about the never ending compromise.
I feel like being a feminist in theory is amazing and beautiful and everything I have ever wanted to be, but in real life I am expected to go with the flow. When the guy in class cracks a typical sexist joke I am supposed to shut up and smile; if not I am suddenly the class bitch and outcasted to the side. When I am passed up for the "heavy lifting" volunteer job, it is understood I couldn't possibly lift as much.
When is it okay for me to just say no and assert myself and when is it just plain outrageous? This question bothers me everyday. When I do assert myself I am laughed at, explained off, or written up for subordination even if I was respectful. But if I don't speak up then I feel like I am failinfgall the men and women that fought so hard for my basic rights. How can I draw the line?
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On an ethical level, it's always fine to assert yourself, and refuse to go along with anything you're not comfortable with.
In practice, this can often make you unpopular. What you do, then, depends on how much you value popularity vs. how much you want to do what makes you comfortable. Of course, no one else can tell you how much you value these things.
Since you ask, I'll suggest "to hell with what people think of you, and what you should do." Taking my advice would necessitate not taking anyone's advice, including mine. Conversely, not taking it means you're doing what I've recommended. So you're stuck with a paradox.
Act as you feel is needed for yourself. No one can tell you whether or not you should fight or stay quiet, and it many circumstances both of these options have positive and negative consequences. Each situation is different, use your own discretion.
For me, whether or not I respond depends on what is at stake and how much I value the subject at hand, as well as whether it is myself who is being attacked, someone else, or a group. Just because you stay quiet doesnt mean you are condoning something or agreeing, but be strong enough to fight when you feel the need and to stand up for those who cant.
My two cents: You're not always alone when you speak up! Your classmate's sexist joke most likely offended more people than just you, for example, or others may have experienced being discriminated against for 'heavy lifting'. This is what's great about creating and opening up dialogue about the issue at hand. More often than not, you will also give people something to think about.
On an individual level, if it matters to you then it's most definitely worth saying something. I find that being witty or sarcastic in bringing the problem to light really helpful.
I feel this way a lot too. One of my guy friends will be like 'stop being such a girl' and it makes me angry, but if I tried to fight every comment like that I've heard, I'd have no life. The best I can say is choose your battles. You're doing what you can, nobody can fight every single injustice. Just do what you believe the situation calls for.