Jennifer Moore Conrow is the Director of Community Outreach & Education at the Cherry Hill Women's Center, a sister clinic to the Philadelphia Women's Center.
When I first started working here at the clinic, I remember wondering what I would tell people when asked the question, "what do you do?" I had never had any concerns about disclosing where I worked before. Even when I was doing public policy work around reproductive health issues, it never crossed my mind not to discuss the kind of work that I did.
For the first few months that I worked in CHWC though, I had a hard time just coming out and saying, "I'm an abortion provider" or "I'm a counselor at an abortion clinic." Not because I was ashamed of what I do, on the contrary, I'm quite proud to work in this field, but because I was afraid of the response that I might get from the person that I was talking to. I'm not one to seek out confrontation and I was truly afraid that by telling someone what I do, that I could cause, if not a fist fight, at least a really uncomfortable political conversation.
At the time I justified this avoidance by saying to myself, "I talk about abortion all the time at work, why would I want to talk about it on my time off." But if I really thought about it I could admit to myself that I was just scared. After a few months of telling people, "I'm in women's health care," I started thinking about my patients and about how most women are so hesitant to tell people in their lives that they have had an abortion. And I started thinking about how if all the women and men in this country who have been touched by an abortion experience in some way or another could find the courage to talk about their experiences, then maybe some of the shame and stigma and fear surrounding abortion would start to go away. When you consider that approximately 1/3 of the women in this country will have an abortion at some time in their lives, that 60% of the women in this country are already mothers when they have an abortion, that abortion is one of the safest and most common surgical procedures performed in the U.S., it seems ridiculous that anyone would be ashamed or nervous about talking about it.
But here we are, in a society that seems unwilling or unable to talk about this common experience except in terms of the political "abortion wars" that we're all used to seeing around election time on the news. Unfortunately, this type of black and white arguing about abortion--perhaps one of the most complex issues we face in our lives--is a huge contributing factor to the hostile environment that women and providers face. We live in a world where if you can't distill your rationale into a thirty second sound bite, your argument can't be heard. And these big issues of pregnancy and abortion, which have everything to do with life, death, sex, faith and a myriad of other complex, personal issues, can't be broken down into tiny little sound bites.
Finally, after a few months, I mustered up some courage and starting telling people, "I'm an abortion provider." And so far, five years later, no one has spit on me or punched me and I've had hundreds of interesting and enlightening conversations about abortion. Since I've started talking about my work, I've discovered that many of the women in my life have made the decision to have an abortion at some time in their in their lives. I've talked to cab drivers about their wives and daughters, to car mechanics about their faith, to a manicurist about her abortion decision as a teen and how it affected her decision to have a child later in life. Not everyone that I talk to identifies themselves as pro-choice. And sometimes, these conversations can be pretty tough--but nine times out of ten, they are incredibly rewarding. Even when the person I am talking to doesn't see eye to eye with me, by having a conversation I'm helping to create a more open environment where people feel safe talking about a tough topic.
Talking about abortion never fails to remind me that pregnancy doesn't discriminate. It's something that affects every woman at some point in her life and has a ripple effect that touches every part of her life and many of the people involved in her life.
So my call and challenge to all of you out there, is to be brave and be willing to talk about abortion. Not to fight. Not to try to change people's minds. Just be willing to have a conversation about these complex issues and maybe create an environment where we can all talk about those touchy, hard issues that we like to avoid.
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Thank you for this post. I work at PWC and this is often my experience.
Jen, can I post this on IAmDrTiller.com? Would you like to submit a photo?
-Steph (infoATiamdrtiller.com)
Thanks for posting this.
I have worked at an abortion clinic in North Dakota for the last six months. While I do tell people I feel safe with that I work at the clinic, I am really hesitant to be honest in most situations. I feel this way because of the precariousness of abortion in North Dakota (the trigger ban, and other laws). There have been several cases of protesters following clinic workers home from work recently, among other scary activity. Plus, there has been a lot of talk in the anti-choice movement to focus their efforts in North Dakota.
I wish that I had the courage to be honest about what I do with everyone I meet, but I don't feel safe right now. Maybe I will in the future.
It is good to hear the thoughts of other clinic workers though. I will take it under consideration.
Hi Jen. Thanks. I've had an abortion. I'm not talking about it beyond a certain circle of people with whom I feel safe, but I want that to change for all of us.
The silence is bad. It really hit home to me when, a few weeks after my abortion, I was in a coffee shop where I overheard 2 women talking about ovarian cancer and the surgery that one of them had recently had. They were talking loud and not caring who heard them. And I remember thinking that not too long ago they would have been whispering. And I remember thinking, I wouldn't even be comfortable whispering about my abortion in a public place. I am too scared that some unfriendly person will decide to get involved in my business uninvited.
But maybe it won't always be this way. Maybe we are creating the change we want to see. I hope so. Your challenge is not an easy thing to take on, but if we don't do it now our daughters and granddaughters will still be grappling with the silence.
Thanks for posting.
I recently had a conversation with one of my closest friends about abortion, and he said something to me like "Well, it's not like you would ever be in the situation to get one, at least at your age" (I'm in my late teens) and then, "You would make a great mother so if you ever were in that situation, I'm sure you would keep it."
The assumption he made was so false I couldn't be silent, so I told him about a pregnancy scare I'd had, and how I knew what decision I would make in that situation. It was hard for me to talk about because I know his thinking on the issue but I am very glad I did.
Jen has written a thoughtful post and I wish her strength and acceptance in future conversations. For your courage, brava, Jen.
It IS important to talk about abortion.
But I often wish that there were more conversations about the days when abortion was Illegal.
My mother, who would have been 82 this year, worked as an emergency room nurse in a large American city during World War Two. Cities were full of people in transition: finding new jobs, being shipped out, returning from their posts. People being separated, reunited, engaged, widowed. Complicated.
On several occasion, my mother cared for patients who suffered because of botched illegal abortions. She often spoke of this to me and my high school chums during the 1970s, and detailed for us the damage, desperation, and yes, death, that surrounded illegal abortion. The things her patients suffered was awful, but my mother felt we needed to know the true cost of prohibiting abortion. She was so pleased when legal abortions became available.
Someday soon the doctors and nurses who cared for these patients (during the days of illegal abortion) will not be able to tell their stories. I wish that this could be part of the conversation, too. (Especially in the lecture halls of today's nursing and medical schools.)
THIS THIS THIS. When my city had a Tiller memorial there were a bunch of bad ass older nurses who spoke about the pre-Wade V. Roe days. The experiences of women who had botched/illegal abortions should never be pushed to the back of our minds. They are the reason I care so deeply about reproductive rights. They are our future if we sit down and let the anti-choicers take over.
Yes. Agreed one thousand percent.
I'm re-reading a 1992 memoir by an abortion provider who was an OBGYN and underground provider before Roe, and worked at maybe the 1st legal clinic in New York State in the couple of years immediately before Roe. Chapter One---about his ER residency and the impossible numbers of horrifically messy botched "wire-hanger jobs" he saw and couldn't always save---fills me with such rage and sadness and determination. Part of me wishes I could strap down everyone in the country while I read it aloud to them. Whether they liked it or not.
Google Books has a newer, 2002 edition of the book, and it looks like you can read the first chapter there---I guess I'm probably preaching to the choir here but I urge you to check it out. And share it if you have the opportunity: http://books.google.com/books?id=oXXmSlB8XPEC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_v2_summary_r&cad=0 Look for the section header "The Making of an Abortionist."
"...It IS important to talk about abortion.
"But I often wish that there were more conversations about the days when abortion was Illegal..."
When and where it was or still is illegal...
"Overplanned Parenthood: Ceausescu's cruel law" by Karen Breslau, Newsweek, Jan. 22, 1990, p. 35., http://www.skeptictank.org/hs/preg.htm
"...Ceausescu made mockery of family planning. He forbade sex education. Books on human sexuality and reproduction were classified as 'state secrets,' to be used only as medical textbooks. With contraception banned, Romanians had to smuggle in condoms and birth-control pills. Though strictly illegal, abortions remained a widespread birth-control measure of last resort. Nationwide, Western sources estimate, 60 percent of all pregnancies ended in abortion or miscarriage.
"The government's enforcement techniques were as bad as the law. Women under the age of 45 were rounded up at their workplaces every one to three months and taken to clinics, where they were examined for signs of pregnancy, often in the presence of government agents -- dubbed the 'menstrual police' by some Romanians. A pregnant woman who failed to 'produce' a baby at the proper time could expect to be summoned for questioning. Women who miscarried were suspected of arranging an abortion..."
"Pro-Life Nation" by Jack Hitt, Published: April 9, 2006, New York Times, Editors' Note Appended, http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/09/magazine/09abortion.html?pagewanted=all
"...In this new movement toward criminalization, El Salvador is in the vanguard. The array of exceptions that tend to exist even in countries where abortion is circumscribed — rape, incest, fetal malformation, life of the mother — don't apply in El Salvador. They were rejected in the late 1990's, in a period after the country's long civil war ended. The country's penal system was revamped and its constitution was amended. Abortion is now absolutely forbidden in every possible circumstance. No exceptions.
"There are other countries in the world that, like El Salvador, completely ban abortion, including Malta, Chile and Colombia. El Salvador, however, has not only a total ban on abortion but also an active law-enforcement apparatus — the police, investigators, medical spies, forensic vagina inspectors and a special division of the prosecutor's office responsible for Crimes Against Minors and Women, a unit charged with capturing, trying and incarcerating an unusual kind of criminal. Like the woman I was waiting to meet..."
I've had an abortion too and I only feel comfortable talking about it here, where people are friendly and I'm anonymous, and with my mother and boyfriend, who was the partner who sired the embryo. One of the big reasons I don't talk about my abortion more is because of my partner. Even though the decision was completely mine and he was completely supportive and I fully believe in the autonomy of my body, I can't help but feel that I don't have the right to freely discuss it without his permission because he was so deeply affected by it, too. (Wow, this happened to me over a year ago and it suddenly just hit me very hard. Not for the first time, but still.) Most people would know he was the sire, he feels very emotionally connected to the incident as well, and in the end, he is very much my partner in my life. I don't want to alienate him.
Maybe if he and I weren't still together, I would feel differently. But sometimes I really do want to stand up and just shout to everyone that I've had one. But it's not just simple embarrassment or fear of harassment that stops me.
Thank you for writing this, Jen. It was honest and evocative. I will forever admire the men and women who work in women's health clinics, particularly abortion clinics. I think the silence surrounding abortion is the main reason any public debate about abortion is in such black-and-white, impersonal, simplistic terms.
It is the horror of illegal abortions that must be used in the fight against the anti-choicers. Imagine a billboard with the picture of a 25 year old woman, taken in the 1960's, and to the side text such as:
date of birth: 03/30/1942
date of death: 01/26/1967
cause of death: uterine hemorrhage caused by botched, back-alley abortion
children without a mother: Amy (3), Brian (5), William (6)
Keep abortion legal and safe!
Jen, your piece was moving. You are braver than I am. I'm usually afraid of telling people I'm an atheist for fear of offending them.
Thank you for being willing not only to learn to do the procedure but for stepping up and doing them. You not only provide the most needed form of medical care out there but you help women every day by helping them take control of their own bodies and not letting someone else make the decision for them.
Good health and long life to you, Jen!
Thank you for your services, and thank you for this post. Thank you for defending womens lives. :)
"...When you consider that approximately 1/3 of the women in this country will have an abortion at some time in their lives, that 60% of the women in this country are already mothers when they have an abortion, that abortion is one of the safest and most common surgical procedures performed in the U.S..."
Thanks for the reminders!
"...Talking about abortion never fails to remind me that pregnancy doesn't discriminate. It's something that affects every woman at some point in her life and has a ripple effect that touches every part of her life and many of the people involved in her life..."
Exactly!
One can be affected by pregnancy even if she herself never gets pregnant in her life. For example, I don't want to ever give birth but I'm aware of the risk of unwanted pregnancy if I ever get raped (or if I ever manage to attract a consenting sex partner and then our contraception fails, but at the rate my luck in dating is going that could easily never happen in my life) and that affects the choices I make at the ballot booth...
Jen, this south east PA woman thanks you
Wow, funny. I called these people just last week in desperation asking if they could see me for an (emergency) STD screening. They told me I had to be a patient of their resident (male) gynecologist. I wonder if the same is true for abortions.
Yes, yes, yes, we need to talk about it. Thank you for doing the work you do, and thank you for raising this subject. If we don't talk about it, we let the pro-lifers define the terms of the discourse. If we don't talk about it, the public thinks that abortion is shameful, that it is something that should be swept under the rug, and that it does not affect them - and that's how we get these ridiculous restrictive laws that, sooner or later, will affect 1/3 of the female population.
I used to volunteer as an escort at the Philadelphia Women's clinic, by the way (until I moved away). It was a most interesting, albeit an infuriating, way to spend my Saturday mornings. I rather miss it.
Thanks so much for posting this. Can I repost it at DakotaWomen.com?