How I love The Onion. Study: Abstinence-Only Lunch Programs Ineffective At Combating Teen Obesity.
"Although these students were repeatedly warned about the evils of eating and made to take fasting pledges, the abstinence-only program did little to curb their overall appetite for food," the report read in part. "In fact, students at Woodbridge were nearly three times more likely to develop type 2 diabetes than children who were given a portion of meat, whole grains, and green vegetables, and then encouraged to skip dessert."
Perhaps more troubling, students who completed the abstinence-only program were reportedly unable to answer the simplest questions about their own digestive systems, and some as old as 17 still believed they could catch high blood pressure from their very first Snickers bar.
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Oh, lol! Thank for this, it really gave me something to laugh about :)
Gotta love the Onion!
Yesterday, President Obama called on the nation's public school system to work together with his administration to develop a more progressive lunch program that emphasizes healthy eating and discourages late-night snacking. But it remains unclear how students will adjust to the new, more honest nutritional approach. "I'm never ever going to eat, because eating is wrong, and I'm worth more than a chicken sandwich with asparagus and rice pilaf," Woodbridge seventh-grader Tracey Holmes said. "I heard Jennifer Hines eats all the time, like 50 times a day. I heard she eats all her ice cream upside-down, though, so she doesn't get fat. That's how it works." "It's really hard, though," Holmes added. "I get so hungry sometimes. Especially after hours and hours of unprotected sex.Sorry, the blockquote didn't come out right... somebody fill me in on how to do that correctly?
"It's really hard, though," Holmes added. "I get so hungry sometimes. Especially after hours and hours of unprotected sex.
Probably my favourite line :)
Awesome, thanks for linking this.
Beautiful! The Onion is proof that God loves us and wants us to laugh!
LMAO! If that doesn't prove how ridiculous the idea of abstinence-only ANYTHING is, I don't know what will.
"LMAO! If that doesn't prove how ridiculous the idea of abstinence-only ANYTHING is, I don't know what will."
This doesn't prove how ridiculous abstience-only ANYTHING is, because abstaining from food is far more dangerous than abstaining from sex. You know what will prove it? Stuff comparing abstaining from another less-necessary thing to abstaining from sex.
Think about it: you probably don't want me to abstain from food, right? Meanwhile, I've never had a consenting potential sex partner, so the only way I could have sex is by having sex with someone against his will. Are you sure you don't want me, and my male counterparts, to abstain from sex either?
Making sex sound as necessary as eating sucks, because it makes a dateless person having sex with someone against her or his will sound as justified as a starving person eating food stolen from a farmer/fisher/gatherer/hunter/rancher/etc. against her or his will.
I'm not sure I understand where you're going with this, but I'm fairly certain the whole lunch thing was meant as a form of satire and to purposely blow things out of proportion.
is this supposed to be satire? I am completely confused
Yes. Check out the Onion website for some good laughs like this on almost any topic.
'Look, I know eating that entire box of Cheez-Its might feel good now, but when you're older, you're going to wish you had gone for the salad.' Rofl!
Love it! ...specially the last line.
"Despite the study's findings, many parents continue to support abstinence-only lunch programs, claiming that it's their right to protect their children from knowing anything about calories for as long as possible.
"It's not the government's place to step in and tell my kids about food and how it's okay in moderation or whatever," said Woodbridge PTA member Steven Bray, a father of two students. "My son's going to learn how to eat the same way I did—by watching monkeys do it at the zoo." "
LOVELOVELOVE
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Lol. Are you serious?
Why so spammy?